


under the big bright yellow sun

by twicelucky



Category: GOT7
Genre: 1997 Asian Financial Crisis, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Coming Out, Drug Use, Homophobia, Hong Kong, JYP Family, M/M, heir!jackson, investment banker!jaebum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-04-15 00:44:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14148216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twicelucky/pseuds/twicelucky
Summary: Jaebum has been sent on a three month assignment to the Hong Kong branch in the hopes of getting a promotion. He’s expecting to spend three months in a cubicle working too much during his weeks, and drinking too many cocktails on his weekends. Maybe meet a nice bar girl or two.He isn’t expecting to meet Jackson, the stupidly charming heir to a shipping company.





	1. the sun in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born out of my love for HK and the 1990s, and also Jackbum. Also I saw this comparison on Twitter to Jackson and 90s Aaron Kwok, like uhhhh yeah pretty much. Any excuse to watch 90s C-movies for “inspiration”.
> 
> It’s set just after the handover from the British, and before the 1997 Asian financial crisis. You don’t really need to know much about either of those events to read this fic though, and some things have been fudged by me to fit the story. If you’re actually a financial analyst reading this fic… I’m sorry lol. But if you have any questions, feel free to ask! 
> 
> It’s also totally different from anything I’ve ever written, and will be more serious. Idek. I love fluff, but I also love serious fics so this is my attempt at a serious fic (LMAO).
> 
> The title for this fic comes from the song ‘Talkin Bout My Baby’ by Fatboy Slim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from “Morning Sun” from Dave Bixby. 
> 
> I do have a twitter account: @twiceluckyy if you want to come say hello!

“Jaebum-ah, the boss wants to see you!” Youngjae calls out as he sits down in his cubicle beside Jaebum's own. Jaebum wheels his chair back to look at Youngjae in confusion.

“I didn’t think we had a team meeting today.” He says, trying to clarify what Youngjae is saying.

“No, he wants to see just you! He just told me to tell you." Youngjae says. Jaebum’s heart sinks. He carefully closes his internet browser and his investment spreadsheets.

“I’m going then." He says, and walks carefully over to Junho’s office in the corner, pausing for a moment before the half-open door.  

“Come in!” Junho calls out, so Jaebum pushes open the door and enters the office. Junho isn’t standing or looking that intimidating, he’s just scanning the newspaper for that day. As usual, his suit is neat, and his tie knot is perfect. Jaebum smoothes his jacket nervously.

He bows to Junho nervously. He doesn’t think that he’s done anything to warrant being fired, but the finance world is a temperamental one. 

“Jaebum-ah, please have a seat.” Junho greets with a smile, and smoothly beckons him to take a seat across from him. “How are you? Doing well?”

“Yes. I’m well.” Jaebum says nervously. 

“You’ve been performing remarkably well these past three quarters.” 

“I’ve been trying.” Jaebum replies, which is the half-truth. He’s been working his ass off for years, but it’s only been in the last few financial quarters that it’s shown in his performance indices. 

“That’s what we value most.” Junho says with a smile. “Now, do you know what’s going on in Hong Kong right now?” Junho asks and Jaebum thinks for a moment before he speaks. There’s a lot going on in Hong Kong, he recalls.

“Finance wise? Politics wise?” He asks carefully.

“Both.” Junho says, quirking his head to the side.

“It’s a hot market right now. We’ve been getting lots of calls from investors in Hong Kong. Lots of money coming through there. The handover is happening soon obviously. We don’t know what’s going to happen with the Chinese government, and the stock market. I think I saw a few reports from one of the analysts about the markets, but I haven’t had time to read them yet because I don't work on any Chinese accounts.” Junho nods approvingly.

“Good. We’re going to be monitoring everything closely in the coming months.”

“Wise choice. I read the reports, but people still are largely uncertain, especially with how the Chinese government is going to regulate .” Jaebum agrees.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen with everything, but we need someone from the head office on the ground in Hong Kong to keep an eye on things.” Junho says, and Jaebum hums in agreement. “I think you’d be a good fit.” Junho adds. 

“Me?” Jaebum asks, somewhat incredulously.

“You’ve done an exceptional job as an associate so far. And your English is good. We want to see how you’ll do, and if this project goes well, you could be looking at a promotion.” Junho says with a smile. 

“Thank you.” Jaebum says, standing up quickly to bow deeply. “Thank you so much. I’ll work very hard.”

“I know you will. That’s why I picked you over everyone else.”

“Thank you. Thank you.” Jaebum repeats because it’s all he can manage to say.

“Human Resources will send over some information about the transition. We’ll arrange for you to have somewhere real to live, not a hotel. And the pay is good. You won’t have to worry about much.”

“I didn’t know you’d been arranging this.” Jaebum says.

“It’s been a bit of a secret project.” Junho confesses with a laugh. “Shh.”

“Right. Yes.” Jaebum replies quickly. “Top secret.”

“Good. If you need anything at all while you're over there, just let me know. You’re just what we need, so we want to take good care of you.”

“Thank you so much sir.” Jaebum says again.

“Stop saying thank you! I should be the one thanking you.” Junho replies with a warm smile. “You just need to email or call once a week or so, just let me know what’s going on.”

“Am I like, spying or something?” Junho laughs. It doesn't seem forced, Jaebum notes.

“No. No. You’re just… overseeing.”

“That’s not spying?”

“No. Kind of. Maybe a bit. We just want to keep an eye on the situation.” Junho assures him, but suddenly Jaebum isn’t so sure.

\--

“What did the boss want?” Youngjae asks when Jaebum makes his way back to his desk in a daze.

“I got assigned to the Hong Kong office.” Jaebum answers quietly, not wanting to attract too much attention. He knows that other people have been vying for a transfer or a promotion too, and he doesn't fully know why he was picked over everyone else.

“You what?” Youngjae exclaims, jaw dropping. “Oh my god, congratulations Jaebum!”

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Jaebum replies, his cheeks heating up.

“Like shit it isn’t. This is great!” Youngjae says, a smile blooming across his face.

“Thank you Youngjae.” He says with a grateful smile in return. “I’m thankful for the opportunity.”

\--

Despite his words otherwise, this opportunity is a big deal for Jaebum.

This is the chance he’s been itching for, the opportunity he’s been waiting for.

Finance is a competitive industry and Jaebum has wanted the chance to prove himself for ages. And this is it. He’s being stationed to the next best place besides New York or London, and Hong Kong isn’t as far away from home.

He’s a little confused about his role though -- he’ll still be an analyst, and then he’ll occasionally report to Junho on what’s going on in Hong Kong. Jaebum assumes Junho means reports on the people working there, and some of the big deals. He knows that the Hong Kong office reports to London directly, and so Jaebum will get to know the big investments and clients, especially in the burgeoning Chinese market. 

And even if he doesn’t know everything about the Hong Kong market, that doesn’t mean that he can’t learn. He’s going to make this assignment his life. He’s going to justify a promotion.

\--

The first person that Jaebum tells is obviously Jinyoung.

He doesn't think that the law firm will be too busy at this time of day so he dials Jinyoung’s direct number, not his secretary's number.

“Park Jinyoung speaking.” Jinyoung answers, cold and professional like always. 

“Jinyoung-ah, guess what?” He says brightly.

“Oh, hyung! I wasn’t expecting you to call.” Jinyoung exclaims, tone brightening instantly.

“Sorry. It’s a last minute thing.” Jaebum apologizes. 

“What’s up?”

“I got assigned to Hong Kong! As a step towards a promotion.” Jaebum says and he can hear Jinyoung suck in a mouthful of air on the other end.

“Jaebum-hyung! That’s amazing! You must be so excited.” 

“I am.” Jaebum admits, not bothering to lie to his best friend.

“Come on, I’ll take you out for dinner to celebrate. You aren't allowed to say no.” Jinyoung insists.

“Alright, alright, I’ll meet you in front of your building at eight tonight?” Jaebum asks, and suddenly there is muffled yelling on the other line.

“See you then.” Jinyoung says. “Hold on, I have to go, someone is yelling at me.” Jinyoung hangs up hastily with a click.

“See you.” Jaebum says to the empty line.

\--

“So what, you get to live it up in Hong Kong for three months?” Jinyoung asks later that night, pouring them each another glass of soju. Jaebum is comfortably full of dinner -- even better that it’s on Jinyoung’s dime too.

“I don’t think I’m going to be doing much other than working. I'm only there for a short amount of time and I need to prove to my boss that I'm as good as he thinks I am.” Jaebum says with a laugh.

“You never know. It’s a party city. You can have some fun.” Jinyoung insists. 

“Not too much fun. I’m trying to get a promotion.”

“You will.” Jinyoung assures him. “You work harder than anyone I know.”

“Thanks Jinyoung.” Jaebum says gratefully.

“What am I going to do with you away for so long though?” Jinyoung says with a pout.

“I don’t know. Have fun, meet people?”

“Meeting people is boring.” Jinyoung whines. “I’ll be stuck here and you’ll be living the fast life.”

“I think you’re really overestimating what I’ll be doing.” Jaebum says with a smile.

“What if you meet a nice girl and decide to settle down?"

“In three months?” Jaebum asks sarcastically. “Yeah, I’m that type.”

“You know what I mean.” Jinyoung says. 

“I’m not leaving you behind Jinyoung-ah. I’m coming back.” Jinyoung just rolls his eyes.

“I can live without you for three months, thank you very much.” Jinyoung sniffs.

\--

Somehow the month until Jaebum's flight disappears.

Hong Kong goes back to China in a ceremony of pomp. Jaebum watches the handover on TV, the speeches by all the important people, sees the governor sail out of the harbour.

He tries to spend as much time with his parents and Jinyoung as he can.

He switches gears. Now he needs to check different news each morning, the South China Morning Post and the Telegraph, not the local paper. He brushes up on the regulations for the Hong Kong region. The change for him is the shift towards China and America in terms of orientation, rather than Korea and Japan. But he reads every report the company analysts put out, and spends hours poring over market reports and projections.

It seems like the regional market is only going up -- with stock prices just going up, and almost endless opportunities for returns. Jaebum reckons that it’s going to be a fast paced environment, based on the snippets that he’s heard -- that Hong Kong is one of the hardest offices to work in.

He learns how to say a few things in Cantonese, even though Junho assured him that most people in Hong Kong speak a passable level of English. And the people in his office will speak a bit of Korean, Jaebum knows that from conference calls.

He keeps the lease on his apartment in Seoul because he’ll only be gone for three months. No time at all really. And then he’ll be back to Seoul with a promotion hopefully, and experience in a foreign country on his resume.

\--

It’s surprising to Jaebum how little space his life in Seoul takes up -- just his tiny shoebox apartment, with a few books and and a small kitchen. He doesn’t even have any plants for someone to have to water. Jaebum wonders if it’s maybe a sign that he’s going somewhere else, because it’s not as if there’s much tying him to Korea.

He packs just a single suitcase to take with him, figuring that he can buy anything he needs there. He just knows that it’s hot, hotter than Korea this time of year. He doesn’t even own a summerweight suit, so he'll need to sweat through his thicker clothes.

His mother fusses up a storm, trying to figure out how she can pack food for him to take with him -- kimchi, gochugaru, and barley tea -- and Jaebum only barely manages to convince her that he can buy those things in Hong Kong, that surely there are enough Korean immigrants for them to be available.

\--

And then the day arrives.

Jinyoung gives him a ride to the airport in his new sedan. Jaebum hugs him goodbye, pretends not to see Jinyoung’s few tears, and promises to email all the time. And then he’s off.

The flight to Kai Tak Airport is just under four hours, and Jaebum spends most of it nervously going over his reports, and trying to memorize his temporary address.

The pilot announces that they’ll be landing soon, and Jaebum lifts up the cover on his window to look out at the city. He can see sparkling blue ocean, and some green hills in the distance. Then he chances to look down.

Suddenly there’s city life sprawling below him. The airplane is so close that he can actually see individual people walking down the street, and cars stopped at traffic lights. It’s fucking terrifying, if he’s being honest. It seems like the airplane is just one gust of wind from just touching the streets. And the people don’t seem bothered at all, like there isn’t a 747 suspended one hundred feet above them.  

And then suddenly the plane is landing. It is a harrowing landing, and for a second it feels like maybe the airplane could land on the street instead of the runway. But the plane touches down on the tarmac, and Jaebum is in Hong Kong.

\--

The bank has arranged for him to stay at a short-term rental apartment in Central, not too far away from the office. It’s sterile, and monochromatic, and entirely unfriendly. But it’s entirely furnished, and it comes with a housekeeping arrangement. Easy, Jaebum thinks. All he has to worry about is work. 

He systematically unpacks his suitcase -- putting away his undershirts, and hanging his suits and dress shirts in the closet.

Once he’s done, the apartment still looks depressingly bare. The sole highlight of the apartment is the view: a dizzying panorama of the harbor and the city below him. It’s simultaneously spectacular and terrifyingly isolating.

It only serves to heighten his alienation, to make him feel even more aware of the fact that he’s by himself in this huge new city. He draws the curtains closed, just slightly, and goes in search of a grocery store. The air in Hong Kong is hot, humid, and smells vaguely like the sea, even amidst all the cars and trams. It’s a huge city, full of tall towers and people. Jaebum feels tiny.

His shirt sticks to his back as he makes his way down the street, baking in the sun. 

He manages to find a small grocery store a few blocks away and picks up a few things that he recognizes, and a few things that he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know how much he’ll need to cook, or if he’ll be at work.

The groceries take up a little of the space in his kitchen, but the unfamiliar labels don’t help to make him feel any more at home. He forces down the feeling of strangeness that threatens to bubble up in his throat, and reminds himself that he's only here for three months. 

He falls asleep uneasily.

\-- 

On his first day of work, Jaebum catches a cab into work because he doesn’t fully know where anything is. The bank office is in one of the tall buildings in Admiralty, the cab driver tells him in broken English, like that should mean something to Jaebum. 

There’s someone waiting in the lobby for him, who starts chatting right away, asking if Jaebum found his way in alright, if he ate breakfast.

“I’m Nichkhun.” The man says in the elevator. “I probably should’ve said that first right?”

“I’m Im Jaebum.” Jaebum says. 

“Nice to meet you.” Nichkhun says, and shows him to the floor that holds the Hong Kong office. It’s bigger than their office in Seoul, and nicer too -- there are offices lining the periphery, and not as many cubicles. Clearly the Hong Kong branch is doing well for itself.

Nichkhun introduces Jaebum to Taecyeon, Sunmi, and Yubin, who will be the people Jaebum will be working under while he’s in Hong Kong. There are other bankers too, but they have their own staff, and Jaebum gets the sense that there’s a sense of separation among units. Their unit focus is China, Sunmi explains, so they deal with Chinese investments in and out of Hong Kong.

“Junho sent you?” Nichkhun asks, narrowing his eyes.

“Yeah.” Jaebum replies.

“You must be good then.” He says, and Jaebum tries not to smile.

“I’ll work hard. Please take good care of me.”

“Ah, don’t worry about that newbie.” Yubin says. “We take care of our own here. Come on, I’ll show you your office.” Jaebum tries not to gape. He wasn’t expecting an office of his own, let alone an office with a sweeping view of downtown and the mountains.

“Wow. This is mine?” He asks, looking at the windows. He wonders if there's anywhere in the city that doesn't have dizzying views. 

“Yeah. Nice huh?”

“Very.” He says dumbly, walking over to the window to see the view fully.

“Feels like you’re on top of the world huh?” She asks quietly.

“Maybe a little.”

“It’s only up from here.” She adds. The phrase should sound cheesy, but somehow it isn’t. Somehow Jaebum believes her.

\--

The Seoul office was always bustling, always full of people talking with each other and on the phone, but the Hong Kong office seems to be on a completely different level of loud. Jaebum doesn’t think anyone in the office is capable of speaking at a normal volume. They all just seem to yell everything out. Jaebum could have his door closed, and he’d still know exactly what’s going on. In the most professionally respectable way, everyone seems a bit insane.

But still, things get done, and Jaebum finds himself fundamentally doing what he always does. There really isn’t a huge difference in his work, it’s still the same software, still the same reports. The stakes are higher sure, and the sum total of the money he’s looking at is as dizzying as the view from his window, but it’s still the same thing effectively.

\--

“Hey! Jaebum-ah!”, someone calls out to him around seven at night. The sun has only barely dipped below the horizon, and the stack of work on Jaebum’s desk has hardly decreased.

“Hmm?” He replies, not really paying much attention.

“We’re taking you out to dinner for your first day.” Nichkhun says, and actually lifts Jaebum up by the collar of his dress shirt from his chair. “Come on.”

“I’m not done my work-”

“You can come back later.” Sunmi says. “I’ll be back later too to finish something up.” Jaebum internally wilts, but smiles and nods.

Dinner is as loud as he might have thought, but everyone is friendly. They take him out for Indian food, and ask him about Seoul, about university. Over spicy curry Jaebum asks them about how they started working at the Hong Kong office, and it seems to be a mixed bag. Taecyeon was recruited out of an undergraduate finance degree at Seoul National University. Nichkhun somehow made his way to Hong Kong from Thailand. Yubin and Sunmi went to university in London, and were transferred here from the London branch. Jaebum feels a little under qualified, but he forces himself to sell himself up, make it sound like he belongs here too.

It’s past nine by the time he gets back to the office, and that’s later than he likes to work, but Jaebum just reminds himself that if he wants to fit in with his coworkers, if he wants that promotion then he has to put in the work too. So he grits his teeth, pours some tea, and gets to work. 

\--

His first week goes by in a flurry. His days are just work-eat-sleep-repeat. Jaebum doesn’t leave work before nightfall once. He emails Junho to let him know that everything is busy, but otherwise unremarkable. He isn't really sure what he's supposed to be looking for. He emails Jinyoung too, telling him how busy he is, and how he's never spent so much time in his office, but it's nice that he even has an office in the first place. Jinyoung emails back quickly, telling him that he and everyone (meaning Bambam and Yugyeom) say hello back. 

By the time Saturday rolls around, his apartment seems especially lonely. He doesn’t know anyone from work well enough yet to ask them to do anything, and he hasn’t met anyone else outside of work. Really he hasn’t done anything but go to work, and go home, and he hasn’t even seen any of the city. So Jaebum changes into some different clothes, even knowing he’ll be sweating in seconds, and goes out to explore Hong Kong.

He sets out just to wander around, and finds the city especially awake, even despite the heat. There are groups of young people wandering around in clubbing clothes, and families walking slowly to stay with the grandparents. He keeps walking, watching the cars whiz past, and trying to remember that they drive on the other side of the road, so he can’t jaywalk the way he would in Korea.

The sidewalks get more and more crowded as he walks further along, and then he’s in a narrow crowded street full of bars and restaurants. There are more foreigners here too, he can pick out British, American, and Australian accents among the Mandarin and Cantonese. There are even a few Korean and Japanese speakers, which makes him feel a little less out of place. 

There’s a bar at the end of the street, with neon glowing signs in English, and on a whim Jaebum goes inside.

The bar seems to be full of people from everywhere -- businessmen, expatriots, tourists, and native Hong Kongers. He’s wound up in the right place to not feel lonely. It’s chic but not cold, and seems a bit more upscale than he’s used to.

Because he’s alone, he finds a seat at the bar, where he can sit and comfortably watch everyone around him. The bartender acknowledges him curiously. Jaebum orders a Mai Tai, figuring he can get drunk the fastest off of them. He can pretend it’s like he’s on vacation, complete with rum drinks and humidity. Only seventy times more stress. Jaebum downs his drink.

He’s halfway through his second drink when a man comes and sits on the stool next to him, smelling of expensive cologne. 

“Hello.” The guy greets him in Cantonese. Jaebum turns to look at the man. He's dressed in simple clothes, but he reeks of money. Jaebum's been around enough wealthy clients to distinguish real affluence. 

“Hello.” Jaebum says politely back.

“You’re not from here.” The guy says then, in English.

“No.”

“Where are you from then?”

“Korea.”

“Hmm, let me guess, lawyer?” The man asks. Jaebum snorts.

“Worse, investment banker.”

“That was going to be my next guess. You don’t seem serious enough to be a lawyer.” The man says with a warm smile. His eyes crinkle when he smiles, Jaebum notices.

“Mmm, of course.”

“So, Mr. Korean Investment Banker, what brings you to Hong Kong? Work, or play?”

“Work.” The guy scoffs.

“Boring. Hong Kong is so much fun to come here just to work.”

“I guess I’ll find that out soon enough.” Jaebum says with a laugh.

“Well, welcome to Hong Kong…”

“Jaebum.”

“I’m Jackson. Now Jaebum, can I buy you another drink? What is that -- a mai tai?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” Jaebum says and watches an enormous grin spread across Jackson’s face. Jackson beckons the bartender over and whispers to him.

“Coming right up.” Jackson says with a smile, turning away from the bartender. “It’s the weekend. Nice for a break hey?”

“Yeah.”

The bartender slides another mai tai over to Jaebum and something in a martini glass with a lemon peel twist garnish to Jackson.

“What are you drinking?” Jaebum asks. He doesn’t exactly know what prompts him to even continue talking to Jackson, they don’t know each other.

“Vodka martini. It’s been a long day.” Jackson says. Jaebum doesn’t comment that Jackson looks totally relaxed, shirtsleeves rolled up casually. He doesn’t look like he’s had a stressful day at all -- he looks like he could be a model off-duty. He elaborates when Jaebum doesn’t say anything. “I don’t like fruity drinks.”

“Too bad.” Jaebum says, taking a large sip of his mai tai. The alcohol is hitting him fast. Or maybe it’s the jet lag. Or the workweek. Maybe Jaebum doesn’t care. “More for me.”

“Cheers to that.” Jackson says, clinking his glass on Jaebum’s and making eye contact. Jackson really is stupidly handsome, Jaebum’s mind can’t help but notice. He wonders what it’s like to be that good-looking -- if it’s easy to get girls. Probably, he thinks, if the two women sitting on Jackson’s other side and staring at him are any indicator. 

“Aren’t all days long?” Jaebum muses. Jackson laughs -- a bright happy sound. Jaebum wants to hear it again. He hasn't met that many people who laugh in such an unguarded way.

“You might be onto something.” He replies. Jaebum wants to ask what about Jackson’s day made it long, what he does for work. But then again, they’re just strangers.

They sit there chatting amicably for a bit, talking about nothing and everything.

“I’m headed off for the night. I have to meet someone in a bit.” Jackson says eventually, after looking down at his watch. His very expensive watch, Jaebum can’t help but hone in on. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” Jaebum says.

“Have a nice night!” Jackson says, smiling at Jaebum one last time. “I paid your tab.”

“You didn’t have to-"

“I wanted to anyways. Good night Jaebum.” Jackson says warmly and takes his leave.

Jaebum feels the strange urge to reach out and tug Jackson back, to get to know him further. 

Instead, he finishes his drink, and then orders another, savoring each one slowly as he watches the people in the bar around him. He wonders how many of them are in the same position as him -- stuck somewhere temporarily while they wait for something.

When he gets back to the apartment, Jaebum strips quickly, and showers, eager to get rid of the sweat and humidity off his skin. He stands under the cold stream, and lets himself think about Jackson just one last time, how handsome he was under the dim lighting. He runs his hands through his hair, and wonders if he should get a haircut.

Jackson’s hair really was perfect -- his brain thinks.

\--

The next morning Jaebum wakes up with a headache and a crystal clear memory of Jackson at the bar. He can perfectly visualize how Jackson’s hair looked in the dim lighting of the bar, and how he carefully swirled the liquor in his glass before drinking it.

It feels like he dreamed Jackson, but at the same time Jaebum knows that he didn't. He seemed too real. If Jaebum really stops to think, he can perfectly picture Jackson beside him, smiling.

He stumbles into the kitchen only to realize his mistake. His apartment came with a percolator, but he hasn’t bought coffee grounds yet. And on a morning like this, he needs coffee.

He figures that there must be a coffee shop nearby, even just a convenience store that sells coffee. His head pounds.

The humidity seems worse with a hangover, but still Jaebum manages to find a real coffee shop, and orders two espresso shots. At work they just have a tea cart, and Taecyeon sometimes has a cup of drip coffee, but Jaebum hasn’t figured out where the machine is just yet. He’s salivating just at the smell of coffee.

On his way home from the coffee shop, he winds up getting lost, and stops at a bookstore along the way. Partially to gather his bearings, but also partially to stop and actually look at the books.

Most of the books are in Mandarin or Cantonese, but there are a few in English so Jaebum chooses a few books. He can’t help but wonder what Jinyoung is up to, if he’s doing anything fun without Jaebum.

But then he laughs to himself, because Jinyoung is probably curled up with a book at home, or out arguing with Yugyeom and Bambam about where to eat (and winning the argument).

Jaebum sets the books down. It’s not as if he really even has the time to read. If his first week is any kind of accurate gauge of how hard he’ll be working, it doesn’t seem as if he’ll have any time to do anything beyond work.

\--

That prediction comes true in the next week. Jaebum is at work by seven each morning, and he doesn’t leave until past eight at night. There’s something small niggling at the back of his mind that he can’t put his finger on. 

By the time he wakes up on Wednesday morning, Jaebum has to accept the weird sense of anticipation he feels. He doesn’t really know why he feels like he’s waiting for something, but he is.

\--

He goes to work, he crunches numbers, and reads reports, and listens to Sunmi and Taecyeon arguing over what to invest in for faster returns. The pace is faster than he had to deal with in Seoul -- there seems to be a steady stream of phone calls to take with investors, emails to respond to, and endless meetings to work together. It’s strange, because even though all the analysts and bankers are technically supposed to be competing to do the best and make the most money, there’s a sense of camaraderie.

Nichkhun is always popping by in the mornings to give him pointers and investments that he’s looking at, and then Yubin comes by in the afternoon to ask if he needs any help, or gives him the latest market reports. It doesn’t feel like a competition at all.  

It’s just an endless race, where the days are long, and the breaks are short. Jaebum isn’t really sure how everyone else manages to do it. The clients are much more demanding, and even though Jaebum isn’t allowed to actually do any real investing for clients just yet, the tasks he’s assigned by the bankers are expected to be done at a rapid pace. He’s never had to deal with this volume of report reading and writing, and he finds himself welcoming the challenge. Even if there’s something missing.

\--

When Saturday afternoon comes around again, Jaebum thinks about it. He could go do something: maybe go for a walk, or go shopping for some lighter shirts for the humid weather. But when the sun eventually goes down, Jaebum finds himself spilling out onto the street in pursuit of something that he doesn’t even fully understand.

It seems a tiny bit cooler as he makes his way towards Lan Kwai Fong. Maybe it’s the slight breeze, or maybe it’s the small bit of hope that wells up in his chest, but Jaebum swears that he feels a sense of relief.  

He winds up at the same bar again, and maybe deep-down this was what he knew was going to happen, where he knew he would end up.

It’s just as busy as the first time, full of people out to try and escape the heat no doubt. A woman bats her eyelashes at him, and asks what he's doing there, and while Jaebum would be tempted on any other night, tonight he wants something else instead. He smiles and shakes his head in response, and continues making his way to the back of the bar.

As he makes his way through the crowd, he can just see a familiar looking figure sitting at the bar, his well-defined back revealed through his white dress-shirt. Jaebum doesn’t even fully realize that he’s walking toward the man until he’s close enough to touch. The figure turns.

“I was hoping I’d see you here again Jaebum.” Jackson says with an easy smile. “Let me buy you a drink?”

Jaebum can only nod.


	2. midnight in a perfect world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jackbum gets closer in this chap… There’s a reason I didn’t tag it as slow burn. Sometimes relationships aren’t so slow burn (˵¯͒〰¯͒˵). Also heed the drug use tag in this chap. 
> 
> Chapter title from the song of the same name by DJ Shadow. Serving you 90s trip-hop realness. And the music playing in the club is totally Portishead by the way.

The morning after Jaebum meets Jackson again, he feels as if a weight has been lifted off him. He’d felt an almost instant sense of relief when he’d seen Jackson at the bar, and just talking to him made him feel better.

He reckons it's just loneliness, of course it’s natural for him to want to spend time with Jackson. Jackson is the closest thing he has to a friend here in Hong Kong. And it seems like Jackson wanted to spend time with him too. He’d said that he was hoping he’d see Jaebum again. And he’d brushed off three different women who had approached him.

So it isn’t just Jaebum feeling that magnetic draw to Jackson, even if it’s not in a romantic way. There’s just something about Jackson -- the way he looks at someone who’s speaking like there’s nothing he’d rather be doing at that instant than listening to them speak. The way he laughs with his whole stomach. The way he genuinely remembers details about what the other person had said before. It makes Jaebum want to be a better listener, and to care more about what other people say.

He’d stayed out far too late, but he didn’t even drink that much, he’d just spent the night talking to Jackson. Jackson had asked him about Korea, and what he’s seen in Hong Kong so far (not much at all). Jaebum asked Jackson about his travels, because apparently Jackson travels a lot for work. Although he hadn’t outright said it, Jaebum got the sense that Jackson is in some kind of management. Jackson seems to be an expert at chatting without revealing many personal details about himself, Jaebum realizes as he thinks back to their conversation.

It was as if Jackson managed to make him feel like he knew him, without telling Jaebum anything of real significance. But it was as if time slowed down, and the only thing that existed was Jackson and Jaebum. Jaebum has never really had a friend like Jackson -- if he can describe them as friends now. Jinyoung is comfortable and easy to be with, but he’s quiet like Jaebum. Yugyeom and Bambam are mostly Youngjae and Jinyoung’s friends, but Jaebum still gets along fine with them. But it’s never been as easy to get along with them as it is to get along with Jackson, and Jaebum has only met him twice now.

Jackson is just charming is all. That’s it.

\--

Work hums along. Jaebum writes up reports, and obsessively checks stock prices for the bankers. The excitement from his initial move to Hong Kong has worn off slightly between the long hours and arduous requirements. He’s doing things correctly, apparently, and Nichkhun has praised him on being a quick learner, but even that doesn’t quite make things.

He misses Jinyoung, and he misses his mom’s cooking, and he misses playing cards with his dad, and he misses Youngjae yelling at him at work, and he even misses Yugyeom and Bambam. He misses Korean food, and being able to go home before eight at night.

His apartment is empty, and white, and he gets home at night in time to look out at an endless expanse of lights and people, and yet he’s all by himself.

Hong Kong is huge, and the pace of life in Central is relentless. Everyone else is just like him, going from their apartment to their job and that’s it. The other bankers at work do the same thing, and even though it should make him feel better, it doesn’t. His life is measured in RMB and USD and KRW, like some kind of machine.

He calls Junho and tells him about what's going on -- how U.S. interest rates went up again, so Chinese investors were moving there, rather than Indonesia or Japan. Junho tells him he's doing a good job, but Jaebum still doesn't know what he's doing a good job at. He feels a bit funny about the fact that he's spying on Nichkhun and the others, especially after they've all been so nice to him, and tried to make his transition as easy as possible.

But a job is a job, he reminds himself. 

\--

Sunmi had told him that there’s a tiny Koreatown on Kimberley Street, so on Saturday afternoon Jaebum sets out to find some fucking Korean food. He loves Chinese food, and he’s eaten more delicious Chinese food than he’d thought possible, but there’s something about just having even a few things from home that settles his mind.

He hails a cab to the other side of the Harbour, and finds a bustling street full of people speaking a mixture of Korean, Cantonese, and English. Jaebum already feels at home.

He feels better to have even just kimchi, let alone things to cook even just a few simple things with. Lunch and dinner are eaten at work most days, unless someone takes them all out for dinner, so he only has to worry about cooking on the weekends.

That night he makes himself dinner, and then goes back to the bar, except Jackson isn’t there. Jaebum sits at the bar and has one drink -- a martini this time. And then another. And then another. And Jackson doesn’t show up. The bartender eyes him curiously, but doesn’t say anything. Jaebum doesn’t say anything either.

He goes home and falls into a restless sleep.

\--

The next morning Jaebum wakes up early and goes to find coffee. He technically has coffee now, but he needs to get out of the house. He makes his way to the coffee shop near him, mouth watering just thinking about espresso. He even takes a book with him.

The coffee shop is quiet, just Jaebum and a few people sitting at the tables in the back. Jaebum takes his coffee and goes to sit down, when he does a double-take at someone sitting in the corner, because it’s unmistakably Jackson.

“Oh.” Jaebum says, and Jackson looks up from his newspaper.

“Jaebum?” Jackson asks, blinking several times like he can’t believe Jaebum is standing in front of him.

“Yeah. Hey.” He says lamely.

“I wasn’t expecting to run into you today.” Jackson says with a smile. “I can’t say I’m not happy to see you in the daylight though.” He adds with a laugh. “I just landed a few hours ago.”

“Oh wow.” Jaebum says. “Where were you?” He asks, and realizes that must explain why Jackson wasn’t at the bar the night before. Jackson is immaculately dressed as always. Jaebum is starting to think that he’s the type to never bum around. Jaebum himself is just in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, because that’s all he wears on Sunday mornings.

“Thailand. Hot as fuck.” Jackson replies. “Here, take a seat.” He says, and gestures to the seat across from him.

“I bet.”

“So, what brings you here?” Jackson asks, still as if he can’t believe Jaebum is there.

“Oh, I live nearby.” Jaebum replies.

“Nice. Very busy though. And loud.”

“I have soundproofing. I think.” Jaebum says. He wonders if it’s appropriate to ask where Jackson lives, or if that’s weird.

“Oh good. The street noise from Central always drives me crazy when I have meetings here.” Jackson replies. “I couldn’t live here.” He adds with a grin.

“It’s not too bad.”

“It’s because you’re new here. It’ll get to you.” Jackson replies.

“So how did you find this cafe?” Jaebum asks.

“Ah. It’s one of my favourites. It’s always quiet.” Jackson says.

“You like the quiet hey?”

“Yeah.” Jackson answers.

They drink their coffees, and read quietly, until suddenly it’s time for Jaebum to go. He should go prepare some things for work the next day and --

“Are you doing anything next Friday night?” Jackson blurts out as Jaebum goes to take a step towards the door. Jaebum turns back to face Jackson.

“No. I’m free after work.”

“Do you want to meet me at a club?” Jackson asks quickly, eyes wide, like he didn’t mean to ask.

“Sure.” Jaebum answers without really thinking.

\--

The week passes quicker than usual -- Jaebum isn’t sure whether he's just getting used to work, or if he just has something to look forward to on weekends. 

\--

Late Friday afternoon Jaebum steps into the washroom to brush his teeth, and walks in on Yubin and Taecyeon. 

“Oh, sorry.” Jaebum says, startled, and he motions to leave. Taecyeon just smiles at him though, and Jaebum really notices what’s going on.

Yubin has a rolled up five thousand won note in her hand and Jaebum watches her neatly snort a line.

“You want some?” Taecyeon asks, gesturing to the baggie in his hand. Jaebum watches Yubin tilt her head back and sigh.

“Uh, no thanks. I’m good.”

“Just let me know. I know a guy, gets the shit from Burma or something.” Jaebum hums. “Uppers too. Or weed, to help you relax.”

“I think I’ll be okay.” Jaebum says, trying to sound casual. “I should get back to work.” Yubin and Taecyeon wave. Jaebum waves back, and leaves the men’s room.

He makes his way back to his office with swirling thoughts, and even closes the door slightly. 

He’s always known that this kind of thing was common -- that most everyone in finance uses something to help them stay up, or to go down. He’s always been an alcohol person, never dabbling in anything serious. Jaebum wonders if Nichkhun knows, or if he joins them, or if it's a secret. 

He doesn't get much work done for the rest of the day, having to read and re-read the same sentences over and over again, and almost misses a call from the London office, only for Sunmi to yell at him to answer the phone. 

But then finally it's time to meet Jackson. Jaebum prints one last thing off for Taecyeon (who winks at him), says goodbye to everyone hastily, and hails a cab to the club where Jackson had told him to meet up at.

Jackson meets him out front, and they get inside right away, even though there’s a line. It’s upscale, and fancy, and the music is slow and sexy, rather than the upbeat and dancey music Jaebum had been expecting. He feels a little off-kilter, between the change of locations, his earlier encounter, and the music.

“You okay? You look a little off.” Jackson asks, once they’re waiting at the bar. Jaebum jerks up at the question.

“Yeah, just a bit of a weird day at work.”

“You want to talk about it?” Jackson asks, tilting his head to the side.

“Not really.” Jaebum replies. “Thanks though.”

“Cool. Maybe tonight will take your mind off things.” Jackson says, and ushers him out of the main part of the club, and towards the VIP section.

It’s obvious that Jackson knows almost everyone else in the VIP section. Jaebum realizes that he doesn’t know Jackson at all. He doesn’t know who all these people are.

He sees some of them looking at him curiously, as if trying to figure out how he fits together with Jackson. Jaebum is asking himself the same thing. How does he fit together with Jackson?

They sit for a bit, chatting idly to a few other people. Well, mostly Jackson does. Jaebum sits and watches Jackson in his element.

Then Jackson gets up to talk to a beautiful woman, watching the way her body shifts so she’s closer to him.

Jaebum doesn’t dance much, besides a bit of swaying from side to side. He watches Jackson dance with pretty girls, sees the way they thrive under his attention, the way they work carefully to touch him, lure him in. Jaebum goes to find another drink.

“Want to go get something to eat? I’m done here.” Jackson yells in his ear after a while, breath warm on his neck. Jaebum realizes that he doesn’t know how long he’s sat there and watched Jackson dance.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Jaebum yells back, and lets Jackson tug him out of the club.

They end up wandering around the streets, overflowing with people out getting things done now that it isn’t so hot. One of the streets nearby seems to have become a night market, filled with tourists and hawkers.

They amble along the street, browsing absent-mindedly at the knick-knacks. A vendor is frying what looks like fish balls, and putting them in some kind of curry sauce. Jaebum swears he only looks twice, and then Jackson is coming back with an order.

“Share with me?” Jackson asks, handing the plastic bowl to Jaebum.

They walk a little further, Jaebum enjoying the feeling of the night air. It’s still warm, but there’s a breeze now, and he feels a little freer.

Jackson picks up a big floppy sun hat from a pai dong beside him, and puts it on. He pouts at Jaebum, and the hat should look ridiculous with his dress clothes, but somehow it emphasizes Jackson’s symmetrical features even more.

“Do I look good?” Jackson asks, still pouting. Jaebum swallows.

“Not at all.” He says.

“Hey!” Jackson exclaims, shoving under Jaebum. “We can’t all be all dark and handsome like you.” Jaebum laughs.

“Right. Dark and handsome. More like tired and needs a haircut.” Jaebum replies teasingly. Jackson pauses right in the middle of the street and examines him carefully, from his head to his shoes. He’s essentially checking Jaebum out and Jaebum can’t help but flush under the scrutinous attention. “What are you doing?” He asks, trying to keep his tone light.

“You’re still dark and handsome, even if you need a haircut.” Jackson says with a smirk, looking up from underneath his eyelashes. “I’ll give you the address of my barber.”

He pulls a pen and receipt from somewhere in his jacket pocket and scribbles something on the receipt, shoving it at Jaebum.

“Here. Just tell him Jackson Wang sent you and there should be no problem.”

“Fine, fine.” Jaebum grumbles. “What are we even eating?”

“Hotpot?” Jackson asks, expression transforming into something exciting. “Or is that too hot for this weather?”

“No. Let’s do it.” Jaebum answers. “Do you know a good place?”

“I’ve been craving it since last weekend. You made me crave it.”

“Me? Why?” Jaebum asks. Jackson shrugs.

“I don’t know. I just thought of you and thought I wanted to eat hotpot with you.” He says simply, and hails a cab for the two of them.

Jaebum doesn’t really know what to think. It almost sounds like a line, but Jackson could make anything sound like a line. And Jackson doesn’t seem gay -- he was dancing with girls in the club. So if Jackson can confuse him, Jaebum can confused Jackson back.

“It’s because I’m so hot you just want to eat me.” Jaebum says, staring at Jackson with a smirk, before breaking into laughter. Jackson’s eyes go wide but then he shoves Jaebum into the waiting taxi with more force than is perhaps necessary.

They sit in the backseat, thighs pressed together even though there’s enough room for them to sit apart. But Jackson doesn’t move, and Jaebum feels a bit boneless anyways. Besides, it’s comfortable to sit next to someone like this.

\--

They wind up farther out in the city than Jaebum has been before.

“Where are we?”

“Fortress Hill. It has the best hotpot in the city.” Jackson says, paying for the taxi.

“I could pay.” Jaebum says.

“You haven’t moved since we got here.” Jackson replies with a laugh, and Jaebum frowns, but manages to get out of the taxi successfully.

The restaurant is quiet, the owners sitting in front of the TV watching cricket. When Jackson comes in though, the woman jumps up and rushes over to hug him, while the man goes quickly into the kitchen. Jackson has a huge grin on his face, as he orders in rapid-fire Chinese, his voice dropping lower when he switches languages.

“You sound good when you speak Chinese.” Jaebum says after the woman has gone. Jackson laughs. “What?”

“How much did you have to drink?” Jackson asks with a smile, pouring Jaebum a cup of water.

“Not that much.” Jaebum says, but he feels his lips pulling into a slight pout and maybe he did drink more than he thought.

They eat hotpot together, and even though it's the middle of the summer, and Jaebum had been sweaty outside earlier, it seems like the perfect food to eat.

“That was nice.” Jaebum says once they’re done eating, trying to fan his mouth from the spiciness.

“We should eat something else next weekend. Have dinner with me.” Jackson replies decisively. He isn’t asking Jaebum, he’s telling him.

“Okay. Let’s do it.” Jaebum says with a smile, something flaring in his stomach at the prospect of seeing Jackson again.

\--

Jaebum goes to find the barber the next day. He really does need a haircut, his hair is too long in the back, and he doesn’t quite feel like himself.

He gives the napkin to a cab driver, who takes him out of Central, under the Harbour to Tsim Sha Tsui. The address turns out to be not that far from Kimberley Street, and Jaebum feels like maybe he’s starting to get a handle on where things are. Maybe.

He checks the directory, and climbs up to the second floor to find the barber at the end of the hallway. Jaebum knocks on the door softly, and opens it to see someone sweeping the floor carefully.

“We’re closed for the night.” The barber says gruffly, and Jaebum’s face falls.

“Jackson sent me, I thought you’d be open. I’m sorry.” He replies.

“Jackson Wang?” The barber says, eyes lighting up in recognition. “Come on in.”

The haircut is excellent, maybe one of the best he’s ever had.

“You look good.” The barber compliments. “Shows off your jawline.”

“Thank you. It’s you that did it though.” Jaebum says with a smile.

Jaebum pulls out his wallet to pay, but the barber shakes his head.

“Oh, it’s on Mr. Wang’s tab. No need for you to pay.” The barber says with a small smile. “Come back anytime you need a cut.”

“Thank you.” Jaebum says dazedly.

“And say hi to Jackson next time you see him!” The barber calls out as Jaebum leaves.

\--

The next day at work, Jaebum decides that he needs to know who Jackson is. Because apparently he’s a big deal, and only Jaebum is out of the loop on it.

“Hey Nichkhun?” Jaebum asks, forcing himself to be bold, as Nichkhun pores over the report Jaebum has just handed him.

“Hmm?” Nichkhun hums in response, circling something in highlighter yellow.

“This is kind of a weird question, but do you know who Jackson Wang is?”

“Jackson Wang?” Nichkhun repeats, looking up from the report. Jaebum nods. “I think the whole city knows who Jackson Wang is.” Nichkhun says with a soft laugh. “His family owns the biggest shipping company in the South China Sea. Fuck, I think they probably own half the city. Why do you ask?”

“I just heard someone say the name.” Jaebum lies smoothly. “I didn’t know who they were talking about.” Except his heart is pounding. Jackson is some kind of heir? The Jackson he knows?

“Honestly I don’t even know everything. It’s one of those cases where there’s more gossip than truth.” Nichkhun says with a laugh. “Sunmi deals with some of their offshore investments, so she probably knows more than me.” He adds.

“Oh.” Jaebum says. “Have you ever met him?”

“Jackson in particular? No. I’ve seen him around. He’s a pretty charismatic guy.” Jaebum hums noncommittally. “We run in different circles.” Nichkhun says, and Jaebum would have to agree. Jackson doesn’t seem like he’d fit in with a bunch of investment bankers. It doesn’t seem like he’d fit in with Jaebum generally, actually. Jackson, in theory, sounds like he’s always surrounded by beautiful people, and other heirs. Even if Jaebum knows that not to be the whole truth. Jackson spends time with him doesn't he?

\--

Jaebum feels a bit weird about seeing Jackson again. They’d agreed to meet at a sushi restaurant on Jackson’s recommendation the following Sunday for dinner.

Jackson is leaning against the front of the restaurant, light cast on his face from the street light over him. Seeing Jackson again makes the truth seem more realistic. Jackson’s nice clothes, the way people gravitate to him, the way he didn’t reveal much about himself. Jaebum’s jaw tightens.

“Hey.” Jaebum says quietly, and Jackson looks up at him.

“Hey.” Jackson greets back. He looks more tired than usual, despite still being completely put-together and handsome. His tiredness shows in the way he holds his shoulders, the slight down-turn of his mouth. There’s a slight crease in his suit, and Jaebum wants to reach out and smooth it down.

“Busy days?” Jaebum asks, and Jackson nods.

“I was in Singapore for a few days on business. I ate so much laksa I could burst.” Jackson says, rubbing his stomach. “Worth it though.”

“So this business you travel for. It’s your family business?” Jaebum asks before he can stop himself.

“Mmm. So you found out who I am?” Jackson says with a wry smile. Jaebum nods.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to. People usually know.” Jackson says, but it doesn’t sound cocky strangely. It just sounds like this is the way it is for Jackson -- everyone really does know who he is. Jaebum makes a harrumphing noise.

“So? Do you want to go get food or not?” Jaebum asks.

“It doesn’t weird you out about my family?” Jackson asks in response, eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t know your family.”

“So it doesn’t bother you?”

“Not really.” Jaebum answers with a shrug. “Is it supposed to?”

“So you aren’t going to ask me to introduce you to some pretty actress or something?” Jaebum's stomach twists weirdly. 

“Why would I?” Jaebum asks.

“You have a girlfriend back home?”

“No!” Jaebum answers quickly. Jackson’s face shifts like he wants to ask something else, but he doesn’t say anything. “No. I’m single.” He repeats.

“Good to know.” Jackson replies smoothly, biting his bottom lip. “So you still want to go eat, even if my family is super rich and famous?”

“Let’s go Jackson.” Jaebum says in response, rolling his eyes. “You’re being dramatic.”


	3. where is my mind (way out in the water)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can’t even say how much I’m enjoying writing this. Also, I’m terribly sorry it’s late -- I was basically drowning in writing for school, and moving home, and then like I slept for like a week straight. 
> 
> Also, uhh we’re getting smutty. So. Yeah. It’s only getting smuttier from here, just so you all know. 
> 
> Chapter title from “Where Is My Mind” by the Pixies, because apparently we’re going there.

They’ve only just sat down at the restaurant when someone yells out Jackson’s name.

“Jackson!” Someone calls from the other side of the room. Jaebum looks up from his menu to see someone striding toward them -- a tall, slender man about their age, with perfect hair and a slick smile.

“Mark!” Jackson crows back, a smile spreading on his face. It’s clear that the two of them know each other. Jaebum wonders how they know each other -- if Jackson just seems to know endless effortlessly good looking people, or if there’s something going on between the two of them. He feels a little funny, if he’s being honest, when he thinks of Jackson and this stranger together. He mentally shakes off the feeling.

“I didn’t know you’d be here for dinner.” Mark says. “You should’ve told me.”

“I had plans with Jaebum.” Jackson explains, and Mark’s eyes focus on Jaebum now, and he smiles slightly.

“Ah.” Mark says, drawing out the syllable, seemingly in realization.

“Jaebum, this is my best friend Mark. Mark this is Jaebum.”

“Hello.” Mark says. “Nice to meet you. I’d been wondering who this Jaebum guy is that Jackson keeps mentioning.” He adds with a cheeky smile directed towards Jaebum.

“I do not.” Jackson says, but he elbows Mark. Jaebum has to try and hold in his laughter.

“Seriously. He never shuts up about you.”

“Oh. Um.” Jaebum sputters out, and Mark grins, pushing away Jackson. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Something tells me we’ll be seeing each other a lot-”

“Alright, he’s just leaving now.” Jackson says, as he bodily shoves Mark away.

“Bye Jaebum! Bye Jackson!” Mark calls out with a grin. “I’ll be seeing you around!”

“I’m so sorry about him.” Jackson mutters. But Jaebum is kind of happy to see that Jackson isn’t completely unflappable, that there are sides to him that are childish and silly. That he isn’t just a perfect millionaire heir or whatever it is that he’s touted to be.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to see you embarrassed.” Jaebum teases.

“Me? What? I’m never embarrassed.” Jackson says, puffing out his chest. “But seriously, ignore Mark.”

“So he was lying? What he said about you talking about me?” Jaebum asks, partially teasing and partially curious.

“Okay, maybe that part wasn’t really a lie.” Jackson grumbles. And Jaebum can’t help but relish in the feeling of warmth that unfurls inside him at the thought of Jackson telling his friends about him. He doesn’t quite know what that feeling means, but he knows that he likes spending time with Jackson, and that Jackson must like spending time with him in turn too.

Their dinner is delicious, and the ambiance of the restaurant is classy, and expensive. Jaebum's wallet hurts just looking at the decorations.

But Jackson insists on paying the bill, despite Jaebum’s attempts to steal it away. Jackson also won’t let Jaebum even see the total for their meal, which doesn’t bode well Jaebum thinks.

“Can I get your work phone number? Or your home phone number or something? So we don’t have to count on running into each other?” Jackson asks. “Now that we’re friends and all.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Jaebum answers quickly, trying to remember if he has a business card in his wallet or not. He definitely isn’t excited by the prospect of talking to Jackson more often, of making regular plans. He pulls out a card that’s only bent in one corner, and hands it to Jackson. “I don’t have a phone in my rental apartment, but I’m at work all the time, so you can call there.”

“Rental apartment?” Jackson asks.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m just renting since I’m here for only three months.”

“Three months? Wow.” Jackson says with a whistle for emphasis. “So short.”

“It’ll go fast.” Jaebum replies. “It’s already been more than a month.”

“So you only have less than two months here?”

“Yeah.”

“Have lunch with me on Tuesday.” Jackson says, more of an order than anything. “You have a lunch break right?

“I do. I can’t be away too long, but I have a break.”

“I’ll meet you. We’ll have lunch close to your office.”

“Don’t you have work?” Jaebum asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s flexible.” Jackson replies casually. Jaebum snorts. He can only imagine. “Hey! I work sometimes. Just, uh, not that often.” Jackson adds with a frown.

“Right. Yeah. I’ll meet you for lunch on Tuesday.” Jaebum replies. They’ve never hung out during the week before, and Jaebum is already looking forward to a dose of Jackson interrupting his workday, versus waiting until the weekend to see him.

“Cool. I’ll see you then.” Jackson says with a smile. “Good night Jaebum.”

“Good night Jackson.” Jaebum echoes. He watches Jackson head down the street to a waiting car, and then he gets on his own way home.

—

The only good part of his Monday is Jackson phoning to confirm that they’re still on for lunch on Tuesday. Even Sunmi asks if something is up because he looks so happy. Jaebum figures that he should probably tone down his excitement.

Work is the same generally. He hasn’t had anything important to tell Junho, and with each passing week he can’t help but feel like he’s disappointing him, even though Junho insists otherwise. It's not like there's suspicious business going on in the office, and even if there was, Jaebum is kind of at the bottom of the totem pole and he isn't privy to that kind of information. 

For the most part, he reads reports, and Junho must have known that, so Jaebum is still confused about what exactly he's supposed to be doing. But, that's all he can do. The bankers in HK are more intense than in Seoul, and they work him hard. Jaebum has only just gotten used to the flow of work, and then there's endless other work for him to do.

\--

Jaebum and Jackson go out for lunch the next day, just a simple lunch at a little Chinese food place, but it’s oddly quiet for a restaurant in Central during lunch hour. Jaebum is thankful for the break.

“Hey, you should come over to my house.” Jackson says at the end of their lunch together, looking oddly shy. It isn’t an expression that Jaebum has seen on Jackson before, and if he had to bet on it, he would reckon that Jackson isn’t shy very often in general.

“Yeah. Okay.” Jaebum finds himself agreeing. Jackson immediately visibly perks up.

“Saturday morning!” Jackson crows. “We’ll hang out.”

“Alright.” Jaebum says, but it’s mostly just to see the big smile on Jackson’s face.

\--

Jackson is serious about having Jaebum over it turns out, because he insists on picking Jaebum up at some ungodly early hour on Saturday morning. Jaebum dresses a little nicer today though, remembering how nice Jackson looked at the coffee shop.

He heads downstairs at nine, and finds Jackson already waiting outside, but in his own car this time.

Jackson drives a sporty looking white Jaguar convertible, and between the car, and the sunglasses he’s wearing, he looks like a movie star. Jaebum is only a little starstruck.

“Get in. We don’t have all day.” Jackson says with a grin. Jaebum grins back, and opens the door. “Ah, you could’ve hopped over the door, that would’ve been sexier.”

“Shut up.” Jaebum replies, resisting the urge to stick out his tongue at Jackson.

Jaebum has only just buckled up his seatbelt, and then Jackson is stepping on the accelerator, launching them into traffic.

“Good god!” Jaebum says with a laugh as Jackson has to slam on his breaks for a pedestrian crossing the road.

Jackson lives in Deep Water Bay. Or at least this is what Jackson tells Jaebum, because Jaebum still hardly knows where anything is in the city. He just knows that he hasn’t been to this part of Hong Kong before, watching the windy roads take them out of the busyness of downtown, and towards a quieter, more residential part of the city.

Suddenly he feels like he’s in a completely different world, with flashes of ocean visible through the trees.

The lots here are more spread apart, and larger, and there are trees blocking the view of most of the houses. Jaebum can feel the affluence in this part of town. Jackson turns on a small side street, and drives to the very end, only stopping at a closed gate.

Jackson punches something into the gate, and then it swings open, and Jackson pulls into the driveway. Jaebum is just trying not to gawk. He was raised firmly middle class, and even though his salary means that he can live comfortably, he’ll never be able to live in a house like this.

Jackson’s house is huge, and expensive, and new, and exactly like how Jaebum imagined it would look. The cream stucco is covered in greenery, and Jaebum can see the edge of a pool sticking out from the back.

Jackson gets out first, and Jaebum scrambles to follow him, trying not to seem too out of place. Jackson punches another code into the front door, and shows him in.

“This is where you live?” He asks, eyes wandering over Jackson’s huge living room.

“Yeah. Nice isn’t it?” Jackson asks.

“Yeah. It’s spectacular.” Jaebum replies. “I would never leave.” Jackson lifts an eyebrow.

“Then never leave.” Jackson says coyly. Jaebum blushes. “You only have a little while left. So just stay here.”

“I didn’t- uh, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant Jaebum. I’m teasing you.” Jackson says, brushing his shoulder against Jaebum’s in a manner that Jaebum assumes to be comforting. Somehow Jackson’s fleeting touch doesn’t make him feel comforted though. He wants Jackson to touch him again. Jaebum swallows. “Come on, let me show you the view.” Jackson adds, and Jaebum follows him onto the veranda.

It’s an exceptionally clear day over the South China Sea, the water glinting in the sunshine. Off in the distance small islands, and boats, both moored and moving, are visible. Jaebum wonders what it’s like to wake up to this sight every day. It must be amazing.

“No neighbours huh?” Jaebum asks.

“Nah. Aaron Kwok owns the lot next to mine and I can’t even see his house from here.” Jackson says. Jaebum doesn’t recognize the name, but it must be someone famous he reckons.

“Must be nice to just have your own little slice of the city here.”

“It is.” Jackson says softly, looking out at the sea too. “I love it. A place to be myself.”

“And the pool must be nice too." Jaebum says, looking at the azure coloured infinity pool. 

“Do you want to go swimming?” Jackson asks. 

“Uh, I didn’t bring a swimsuit.” Jaebum says, watching the way Jackson’s head cocks to the side as if this isn’t a problem.

“I’m sure I have something that will fit you.” He says, and ushers Jaebum back inside, this time into his bedroom and his huge walk-in closet. Jackson has endless clothes, it seems like, and Jaebum feels a pang of self-consciousness at his minimal collection of black suits and white shirts at home.

Jaebum flushes when Jackson sizes him up, and he doesn’t even know why. Jackson digs through a drawer and throws a pair of red swim trunks at him.

"Here, change in the bathroom." He says, and points to the en-suite. It's luxurious, just like the rest of Jackson's house, done in cream marble. Jaebum feels stupidly out of place as he strips down. Jackson has roughly the same size waist as Jaebum, so the swim trunks fit just fine. 

He makes his way out to the pool, where Jackson is waiting for him. Jaebum finds himself a bit dry in the mouth at the sight. 

Jaebum has never been particularly self-conscious about his body, he naturally has some ab definition, and some arm muscle, but when he sees Jackson in a swimsuit he changes his mind.

He hadn't been able to see through Jackson's clothes, but his body is ... something else. He clearly works out, if the muscles all over his body are any indication. Jaebum finds himself staring. 

Jackson’s legs are attractive, he lets himself admit. They’re muscular, but lean, and his thighs are enviable. Jaebum has always been stuck with slender legs, but he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have legs like Jackson’s. Actually, he can't help but wonder what it would be like to have Jackson's everything.

Most surprisingly of all, is the tattoos covering the expanse of Jackson’s back. An intertwined tiger and dragon, done in an almost-Japanese style. Jaebum is grateful that Jackson’s back is to him, because he’s definitely staring. He probably shouldn’t stare like this, it most definitely is not what friends do to each other -- blatantly admire their friend’s body. But Jackson’s body is something to be admired.

"Come in. The water's fine." Jackson says with a smile, and jumps into the pool in one go. Jaebum laughs, breaking his dangerous thoughts. 

He goes in slower, making his way down the steps instead. Jackson is floating in the deep end, and Jaebum sinks in deeper, enjoying the feel of the cool water on his skin. He lets out a happy sigh. He might not have been able to sleep in but this is pretty nice too.

“Nice, right?” Jackson asks.

“Mmm.” Jaebum hums back, lifting his legs off the bottom of the pool so he can float. The sun is coming up to full noon, and he feels it warming him up even despite the cool water. 

They float for a bit quietly, and then Jaebum accidentally splashes Jackson, just a little bit. But Jackson is quick to retaliate, splashing Jaebum’s face.

“Hey!” He yells, and splashes Jackson harder. Then Jackson ducks under the water and pulls Jaebum down too. Jaebum goes down willingly, but only to latch himself onto Jackson’s side, feeling Jackson’s muscles up close.

“You’re a koala.” Jackson says with a laugh, sputtering as they come up for air. Jaebum just clings tighter. “Get off.” Jackson says, but he isn’t trying very hard at all to detach Jaebum.

Finally Jaebum gets uncomfortable and shifts off, moving to the shallower part of the pool, missing the splashing noise behind him. Suddenly Jackson is right in front of him.

“My turn.” Jackson says smugly, and Jaebum doesn’t realize what he’s doing until it’s too late.

Jackson’s legs are hooked around Jaebum’s waist, chests flush, and if he were any lower, their dicks would be touching, Jaebum realizes. It’s the closest he’s been to another man beyond Jinyoung, and that had been entirely platonic. Then Jackson has to go and hook his arms around Jaebum’s neck.

Jaebum can see the water droplets clinging to Jackson’s eyelashes, that’s how close they are.

He’s never really wanted to be close to another man like this. Jackson seems entirely unaffected by their proximity, which forces Jaebum to relax slightly. It’s platonic. Just two friends being friendly. In a pool, with their dicks two inches apart.

“Jaebum?” Jackson whispers after what feels like an eternity.

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to eat something?” Jackson asks.

“I could eat.” Jaebum answers, and Jackson gets off him to move toward the steps of the pool. If Jaebum is a bit cold, he can put it down to the breeze coming off the sea, and not the absence of Jackson’s body on his.

\--

They spend the rest of the day relaxing -- eating, lounging outside, and drinking beer. Jaebum feels full, and not just from the food Jackson made him. It’s nice being here with Jackson, he thinks, as the sun comes down. His body feels heavy and content, head buzzing just slightly from the Tigers and the sun. He doesn't even realize the time passing until the sun sets. 

"I should head out." He says with a yawn. 

“I’ll call you a cab.” Jackson replies with a slight slur.

The tipsy cab ride home through the darkening city is spectacular, Jaebum thinks, head heavy against the backseat of the cab. 

He comes back to a dark apartment, and his mind can't help but fall back to thinking about Jackson in the pool. 

He wonders what would’ve happened if Jackson had slid down his body, slotting their hips in line. They would’ve been completely too close to each other, but somehow Jaebum wouldn’t mind. The feeling of Jackson’s arms around his neck was nice, the pressure of Jackson's body against his wasn't unwanted, once he got over the initial shock. 

He could’ve felt what Jackson’s legs felt like under his hands, if he’d moved. He could’ve just reached out and touched.

Jackson has nice hands, his fingers are longer than Jaebum’s. Jaebum can’t help but wonder what Jackson would look like when he jerks off, how his hands look when they wrap around his cock. Then he thinks about what would happen if they rutted together, hips moving together. He wants that, and he’s never wanted to do that with another man. But he can see Jackson throwing his head back in pleasure, or pressing his face into Jaebum's neck as they grind against each other. 

Jaebum wonders if Jackson groans when he comes, based on how noisy he is the rest of the time, Jaebum can't see him being a quiet fuck. He wants to hear Jackson make those noises. He wants to be the cause of Jackson making those noises. 

Jaebum's head is still a bit off from the beer, but he feels himself getting hard, feels that coil of arousal growing in his cock. He hastily shoves down his pants, which are actually Jackson's swim trunks he realizes, and starts to jerk himself slowly. He thinks of Jackson on his knees for Jaebum, messily sucking his dick, or Jackson coming on Jaebum's stomach, or  _him_ coming on Jackson's abs. His arousal spikes up at that thought, and Jaebum pumps harder, sucking in air at the thought of fucking Jackson. 

Somewhere between coming and getting changed, he sobers up more, and manages to shuffle into bed, his body feeling light with the memory of floating in Jackson's pool. Of feeling the sun on his skin, and Jackson's smile directed at him. 

Jaebum falls asleep easily. 

\--

The next morning, Jaebum wakes up and realizes what he's done. 

It’s not a crush, because Jaebum isn’t gay. It’s just a tug. A stronger than subtle pull towards him that Jaebum can’t shake off. Jackson is charismatic. He’s friendly. He's nice. He's Jaebum's friend. It’s natural for Jaebum to want to spend time around him.

But he jerked off imagining Jackson touching him. That isn’t exactly platonic behaviour, he thinks with a sinking feeling. He wanted Jackson to touch him. But he isn’t gay. And he isn’t sure if those two facts are reconcilable.

And they spend a lot of time together. Jaebum looks forward to their time together, more than he would a friend. Does this mean he likes Jackson? He knows that his dick likes Jackson. But he doesn’t really know what that means. 

—

First thing Monday morning, Nichkhun calls Jaebum into his office as soon as he comes up the elevator. There’s hardly anyone else around, which makes Jaebum nervous -- it's the perfect atmosphere to fire someone.

“What’s going on?” Jaebum asks.

“I think we need to change something up.” Nichkhun says, and Jaebum’s heart drops.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll work harder, and make it up to-”

“What are you talking about?” Nichkhun asks. “I want you to do some investing of your own.”

“Me?”

“You. I have a few smaller clients, and I think that you’d be a great fit. You have an understanding of the market, and you’re a hard worker. I think they’ll like you.”

“What? But-”

“I know you’ll do a great job.” Nichkhun interrupts quickly. “And you can always ask us for help. Always. We want you to succeed.” He adds with a grin. “You can’t say no.”

“Wow.” Jaebum says, letting out a careful exhale. “Thank you so much. I’m going to work hard.”

“I know you are.” Nichkhun replies. “You’re doing a fucking great job so far.”

“Thank you.” He says in response. Nichkhun nods at him.

“I think you’ll be a great addition to the team.”

“I’ll work harder.” Jaebum says numbly, eager to get started and do a good job.

“And Jaebum?”

“Yeah?”

“You should take off early tonight. Take your girl out to dinner.” Nichkhun says with a smirk.

“My girl?” Jaebum asks, confused.

“Yeah. Sunmi says you’ve been all in love everywhere.” Jaebum barely resists the urge to snort. Because he was excited to see Jackson, and Jackson is most decidedly not a girl.

“Oh. Right. Um, well, I guess I will.” Jaebum says, figuring that it’s easier to just go along with what everyone thinks, rather than explain his friendship with Jackson Wang.

“Good. You’ll be getting a raise too, so don’t be cheap.” Nichkhun adds. “Go on, there should be some files on your desk.”

Jaebum goes back to his office in a daze.

“Good news?” Taecyeon asks as Jaebum walks past.

“Yeah. Uh, I guess I’m going to be taking on a few clients of my own?” Jaebum says, because he still can’t believe it fully.

“That’s great!” Taecyeon says, a grin spreading across his face. “You’ve been doing a great job.”

“Thank you.” Jaebum says for what feels like the hundredth time. “I’ll work harder.”

“Let me know if you need any help, or if you have any questions.” Taecyeon says cheerily. “I have to head to a meeting now, but you know where to find me!”

"I will." Jaebum promises, and heads into his office. True to his word, Nichkhun has left a stack of client files on his desk to look over. But Jaebum finds himself thinking about Nichkhun telling him to take his girl out for dinner.

He dials Jackson's number, and even though Jackson doesn't answer, he leaves a message inviting him out for dinner. 

\--

Jaebum leaves work early that night, and wanders over slowly to the restaurant Jackson had told him to meet at (in a loud and enthusiastic phone call). He soaks in the evening air, and the feeling of Hong Kong. He's even proud that he knows how to get to the restaurant, because he's finally figuring out where a few things are. 

He's come to realize that Hong Kong is simultaneously electric and comforting at the same time. There’s an undeniable energy to the city that Jaebum finds himself drawn into -- a thrum of people wanting more from life.

He feels some of it at work, the ambitious bankers around him who work stupid long hours in the hopes to being transferred to London or New York. He sees it around Central -- lawyers, traders, consultants, analysts. It’s energizing to know that the people around you are hustling just as hard, working just as late.

Plus the city itself, surrounded everywhere by the sea, and full of people, and food, and neon lights is intoxicating. Jaebum has travelled a bit -- Singapore, Tokyo, Sydney -- but nowhere he’s been is like Hong Kong.

He usually takes the time after work to walk home through the bustling streets. Jaebum’s come to realize that it really is always busy, no matter the time of day. There are always food vendors cooking up something delicious, old men sitting out on the sidewalk playing mahjong or cards, young people out drinking. Even though in many sense Jaebum is largely alone in this city, it isn’t very often that the feeling of loneliness comes over him.

Maybe he’s a little intoxicated by Jackson too, by the life he lives, and the way he looks at the world. Jaebum’s never had a friend like Jackson before. Jaebum always has something with Jackson to look forward to when his apartment feels empty, or work seems impossible. His mother asks him if he’s met anyone and he says yes, but that doesn’t seem like a good enough description of what Jackson is to him. 

Maybe it is a crush.


	4. men who seem to be bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though it’s a day late, this is me saying sorry for being a week late with my last update. And I suspect that you’ll all like it hehehe. Also, if you see an unfinished sentence, please yell at me lmao. I'm posting this on not much sleep, and an aim to get it up as soon as possible. 
> 
> Chapter title from “Presence of Mind" by the Fresh and Onlys.

Jackson is already waiting outside the restaurant Jaebum made reservations at by the time Jaebum arrives. He doesn’t spot Jaebum approaching initially, so Jaebum has a moment to look at Jackson. He looks so stupidly handsome standing there, hands in his pockets, that Jaebum can hardly believe it.

When Jackson sees him, he smiles so widely that Jaebum’s heart flutters. His face transforms when he smiles, Jaebum thinks. It isn’t that Jackson isn’t handsome all the time, but when he smiles, when he smiles at Jaebum, Jackson is something else entirely.

“What’s the occasion? It’s a Monday night.” Jackson asks.

“I got a bit of a promotion.” Jaebum explains. “So my boss told me to take off early.”

“I’m not complaining, let’s just be clear.” Jackson says with a smile. “We get to see each other on a workday, Mr. Suit and Tie.” Jaebum does a twirl, mostly as a joke, but Jackson doesn’t take it as such. “Nah, you look good in a suit.” He says seriously, licking his bottom lip slightly. Jaebum’s heart flutters a little more.

“Thanks.” He says, trying not to sound like a boy with a crush. “Oh, I still have your swimsuit by the way. I should’ve brought it with me.”

“Keep it. For the next time you come over.” Jackson says insistently. Jaebum feels his heart do a little flip.

“The next time?” He asks, just to make sure.

“Yeah. Duh. Now, are we eating? I’m starving.”

Jaebum leads them inside of a Korean restaurant he’d made reservations at.

“I hope you don’t mind.” He says shyly. “But I can only eat Korean food once in a while, and I miss it.”

“I love all food!” Jackson proclaims. “And if you like it, then I’m sure I’ll love it even more.”

Their dinner is nice, Jaebum thinks. The restaurant isn’t super fancy like some of their other meals together, but rather they’re just at a small family-run Korean place. Jaebum orders for the two of them, and Jackson eats everything happily. He’s grateful to hear Korean spoken, and eat real proper food, not the slightly bastardised version he makes for himself sometimes, using a mixture of imported and substituted Chinese ingredients.

He knows that he made the right decision in inviting Jackson out tonight -- he’s made Jaebum’s celebration even sweeter in his own way. He hadn’t known it when he met Jackson but he’s grown into a good friend, albeit different than any other friends that he’s had in the past.

And if he and Jackson end up playing a bit of footsy under the table midway through dinner, then no one needs to know.

\--

Jackson is just leaving after dinner when Jaebum feels a strange sense of panic well up. They hadn’t explicitly made plans for the weekend, and even though he wanted to assume that they would see each other, he wants to make sure. They have a routine right? It can’t be broken.

“Jackson! Wait!” He calls out before he really realizes what he’s doing, and Jackson just whirls around like he’d been waiting for Jaebum to call out to him.

“Yes?” He asks.

“I’ll see you this weekend?” Jaebum asks, hearing his voice lilt up at the end of his sentence.

“Yeah. Obviously.” Jackson responds with a smile. “What do you want to do?” Just see you, Jaebum’s mind thinks.

“I’m fine with whatever.”

“Whatever?”

“Yeah.”

“Mmm, what if I make you regret that?” Jackson asks. Jaebum rolls his eyes.

“You can try.”

\--

Jaebum meets with his very first client the following afternoon. It’s just a quick meeting to make sure that they know who is handling their money, and what the level of risk they’re looking for -- that kind of thing. Jaebum has sat in on countless of these meetings, but he still feels nervous.

The meeting goes well though: he lays out his investment plan, and they sign some documents. And that’s it, suddenly he’s an investment banker, not an analyst. It’s official, kind of. Jaebum doesn’t know what the conditions of his initial foray into investing are exactly, and he’s eager not to fuck up. This is his chance.

\--

Jaebum has only just gotten back to his office from his meeting when his phone rings -- an unknown number.

“Hello, Im Jaebum speaking.”

“Jaebum! You finally picked up.” Jackson half yells over the phone. Jaebum can’t help the smile that comes over his face. Jackson is always unmistakably himself, even over the phone.

“Sorry, I was in a meeting out of the office. How are you?”

“Do you want to go to Macau with me this weekend?” Jackson asks en lieu of replying to Jaebum.

“What?” Jaebum asks.

“Do you want to take a trip to Macau with me? This Friday night?” Jackson repeats.

“Uh-”

“You can say no if you want. I just thought I’d ask.” Jackson adds quickly.

“No it’s fine. I’ll just have to ask to get off earlier on Friday is all.” Jaebum replies.

“So you’ll come?” Jackson asks, happiness clearly evident in his voice.

“Yeah.”

“Yay!” Jackson all but yells into the phone. “So I can pick you up and take you to the boat?”

“Yeah.”

“How does six work? Six thirty?”

“What time does the boat leave?”

“Whenever I show up.” Jackson says, and Jaebum isn’t totally sure if he’s serious or not.

“Right.” Jaebum replies slowly. “But I can probably get off by six thirty.”

“Should I get you from the office then? Or your apartment?” Jaebum pauses for a moment.

“The office is fine, I can bring my bag. We’re only going for a few days so I don’t need too much.”

“Okay! I’ll see you then.” Jackson says cheerfully. “We’ll have fun.”

\--

The days pass by unusually slowly, Jaebum practically counting down the hours until he sees Jackson again.

He thinks about their dinner together on Monday, how perhaps it wasn’t the most platonic to play footsy under the table at a celebratory dinner for his promotion. He wouldn’t do that with Jinyoung or Yugyeom or Bambam.

And then he thinks about how his heart actually fluttered at the sight of Jackson, the way it does when he has a crush. His heart doesn’t flutter when he sees friends. He’s been stupid to ignore this.

Jackson was the first one he called when he got promoted, the first to congratulate him. The person he wants to see most of the time, if he’s being honest.

There have always been men that he’s found attractive, the way he’s noticed their broad chests and sharp jawlines. He’s just always thought it was normal to wonder how it would feel to want to kiss them. So maybe it isn’t that he’s never wanted to be close to another man, but rather that he hasn’t ever allowed himself to want that.

If he puts two and two together, which isn’t hard, it’s clear to see that he has a crush on Jackson. It isn’t just charisma, Jaebum wants Jackson. He wants to have sex with him, and he wants to go on dates with him.

And now he's going to spend an entire  _weekend_ with Jackson -- just the two of them. He isn't quite sure how his heart is going to take it.

\--

By the time Friday afternoon comes around, Jaebum is even more excited than he'd thought possible. He finishes up all his work with remarkable efficiency, and bids everyone a good weekend before making his way down to the street where he'd told Jackson he'd meet him. 

And true to his word, Jackson is waiting in his Jaguar, this time leaning on the outside, and attracting plenty of attention as he does it. 

“Ready to go?” Jackson asks with a signature smile. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Jaebum replies with a smile of his own, only for Jackson to grab his weekend duffel bag. “What are you doing?”

“Being nice.” Jackson responds with a wink. Jaebum’s heartbeat races at the sight. Jackson being flirty, even if only in a friendly way is deadly. He can't imagine what romantic flirty Jackson is like -- the object of his affections must die of cardiac arrest, Jaebum reckons as Jackson fusses with their bags. 

\--

Jackson takes them to a small port, with just a few smaller boats docked. 

They aren’t on a conventional ferry Jaebum doesn’t think, the boat is too small, and there aren’t any other people on board. And the service is better than any other ferry ride he’s ever taken in his life. They’re offered champagne as they board, and the seats are plush and comfortable. And the boat really does leave when Jackson shows up. He really wasn’t lying. Jaebum isn't sure what to make of that.

The boat ride is short -- just under an hour, and Jaebum spends it napping. Or watching Jackson nap from under sleepy eyes at least.

There’s a black tinted Mercedes fleet car waiting for them at the port when they arrive, and Jackson wordlessly holds the door open for Jaebum to get in.

“I was thinking we could just order a simple dinner tonight, and get up to explore tomorrow. Thoughts?” Jackson asks.

“That works for me.” Jaebum says. “It’s been a long week. I wouldn’t mind a quiet night.” Jackson just nods in approval.

Macau is small, smaller than Hong Kong, Jaebum thinks, as the car whizzes them from the port to the hotel Jackson arranged for them to stay at. Whenever he tries to bring up the cost of things, Jackson just scoffs, and changes the subject. So Jaebum drops it.

Even when they pull up at the Mandarin Oriental and Jaebum roughly knows what the cost of a night stay there is.

Jackson had arranged for them to stay in two different suites, right beside one another. And Jaebum doesn’t want to think about the cost.

The view from his room is nice -- overlooking the sea, and showing off the city and casino lights. The whole thing feels very glamorous, Jaebum thinks, being whisked away like this for a weekend. Like some kind of movie: being taken away by a handsome man for a weekend away in another city, with everything paid for. Jaebum doesn’t need to worry about anything, he just needs to show up.

Jackson knocks on his door a few minutes later, and declares that he ordered them room service burgers and beers.

“The only acceptable room service order.” Jackson insists when Jaebum asks about it.

They settle in Jaebum’s room, and the evening somehow goes by in a flash.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning bright and early.” Jackson says. “First thing.”

“Ugh, fine.” Jaebum groans.

\--

True to his word, Jackson wakes Jaebum up bright and early, shoving a coffee in his hand, and waiting patiently while Jaebum gets ready for the day. He isn't used to waking up so early on weekends, but if it means that he gets to spend more time with Jackson, then perhaps he can learn to be more of a morning person.

It’s already hot out when they leave the hotel, and Jaebum is forced awake just by his sweating.

They wander through Senedo Square, and Jaebum finds himself admiring the sight of it -- feeling out of place among the European architecture, but in the East Asian heat. Jackson leads him up the steps to the ruins of St. Paul, and they sit for a bit, sweltering but admiring the view. From there, they stop for lunch, which Jaebum insists on paying for, and then Jackson takes them to a big fortress up a mountain to look at the city from higher up.

“It’s so small.” Jackson says, looking out over Macau.

“What if you’re actually a giant?” Jaebum teases.

“I think you’d be the first one to call me a giant.” Jackson says. “I think I’m more of a gnome or a dwarf.”

“Nah, you’re just cute.” Jaebum blurts out, unfiltered in the heat. Jackson’s eyebrows shoot straight up. Jaebum immediately scrambles for an explanation. “Um.”

“So I’m cute hmm?”

“Whatever.” Jaebum grumbles.

“You didn’t deny it.” Jackson sing-songs. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that Jaebum can’t deny it. Jackson is cute, handsome, charming, sexy, and kind, all wrapped into one person.

“You’re enjoying playing tour guide too much.” Jaebum complains instead of answering Jackson’s question, as he wipes sweat off his forehead.

“We’ll have to work out together sometime. Get your stamina up.” Jackson says and Jaebum almost coughs out a lung, pretending that it’s from climbing so many steps, and not Jackson’s blatant innuendo. Although Jaebum wouldn’t say no to getting sweaty with Jackson in another capacity… “Ready for the next stop on our tour?” Jackson asks, interrupting Jaebum’s increasingly dangerous thoughts.

\--

Before Jaebum knows it, they’ve wandered over what feels like the whole city. Macau is definitely smaller than Hong Kong, and despite their close proximity, it seems more Europeanized. But, it's hot as shit, and he's a sedentary office worker, so he can feel his feet dragging as he waits for Jackson to hail them a cab back to the hotel.

“I thought we’d check out a casino tonight. Is that okay with you?”

“That works for me.” Jaebum replies, leaning his head back on the headrest of the backseat of the cab.

They’re just about to go into their individual rooms when Jaebum remembers to ask what to wear.

“I’m wearing a suit, but I’m not bothering with a tuxedo.” Jackson says and Jaebum does a double take.

“Suit?” He asks.

“Yeah, it’s not black tie, but it’s formal.”

“I didn’t bring a suit.” He says, chewing his lip. “I mean, I brought slacks and a dress-shirt.”

“Good thing I brought an extra suit and tie.” Jackson says. “We’re around the same size.”

“Yeah but your suits are so..”

“Expensive?” Jackson finishes. “You’re a handsome man, you can pull it off.” Jaebum doesn’t even bother responding to that. “Here, let me grab it for you.”

He lets them into his suite, and rustles around in the closet for a few seconds, pulling out a garment bag and thrusting it towards Jaebum.

“This should fit. Here, go get dressed, and meet me back here in twenty minutes.” Jaebum just nods, and goes back to his room. He dresses slowly, brushes his teeth, styles his hair up off his face, and puts cologne on. He wants to look good for Jackson, look good at Jackson's side. Jaebum has to admit, the suit does look good on him, even if the Savile Row label hurts to look at.

He knocks on Jackson's door after fifteen minutes, and Jackson opens the door just in shirttails, not fully dressed yet. 

“Told you that you could pull it off.” Jackson says with a smirk, and he’s unmistakably checking out Jaebum, eyes trailing slowly from his shoes to his face. Jaebum pulls his shoulders back and lets Jackson look. It’s nice to be noticed. Especially by Jackson, Jaebum thinks. “We’ll have to pull the ladies off you.”

“I highly doubt that.” Jaebum replies with a snort.

“Why?” _Because I’m too busy staring at you to be looking at them_.

“I just do.” He answers instead. 

“Fine. You ready to go?” 

\--

  
Jaebum has never been to Las Vegas, but he gets the impression that Macau’s casinos are more spectacular.

Jackson pulls them into the Grand Lisboa, the flashiest looking of the casinos, at least in terms of the bright colourful lights outside.

The casino is full of people — gambling, drinking, peoplewatching, or some combination of the three. There are tables of gamblers speaking Mandarin, but Jaebum recognizes bits of Malay, Tagalag, Japanese, Cantonese, and English in the crowd too.

Jackson leads the way through the crowded tables and slot machines to the high stakes rooms at the back. 

"What are we doing here?" Jaebum asks, as the demographics shift dramatically to a much higher socioeconomic status.

"Pai gow." Jackson says, which Jaebum vaguely recognizes as some kind of domino game. They're ushered into a back room, where everyone bows their head respectfully at Jackson, and glance curiously at Jaebum. They're all in expensive looking clothes, and Jackson and Jaebum blend right in.

So Jackson plays pai gow, Jaebum watches.

He feels a little strange, because the other people watching are the other men’s wives, or mistresses, or whatever. And then Jaebum is there with Jackson, decidedly not as his wife. He isn't exactly sure what the stakes are, but they must be high, based on the evident wealth of all the players. There are more Rolexes in one room than Jaebum has seen in his life in finance.

“Do you want to play?” Jackson asks after a round where he lost, only for Jaebum to shake his head.

“I’m not a gambler, even if I knew how to play.” 

"Do you want to play the slots or something?" 

"No. I don't mind just watching you." Jaebum answers, and his response must please Jackson, because his face shifts into an expression of satisfaction. 

Jackson plays a few more games, and in the backroom with no windows, Jaebum can't even determine how much time has really passed. Finally, Jackson says goodbye to some of the players, and they head back into the main casino area, wandering around for a little longer, people watching, until Jackson notices Jaebum's sleepy eyes. 

"Let's go to bed hmm? I've been dragging you all over the city." He exclaims, grabbing Jaebum's hand to tug him out of the casino and into the streets. 

\--

Jaebum's legs only get more leaden on the way back to the hotel, and up to their floor. 

"Let me return your suit jacket and tie." He mumbles and follows Jackson into his suite. Jackson strips down right away and Jaebum dutifully takes off the borrowed clothes.

"Did you have fun today?" Jackson asks as he putters around the room, tidying up slightly. 

"Yeah. It was fun. You know a lot about the city."

"I've been coming here since I was young. I love Hong Kong more, but Macau is fun." He says, and if Jaebum isn't mistaken, his eyes trail over Jaebum's body again. 

"I should head to bed." He says, changing the topic. "I'm tired. And you probably want to go to bed too." 

"Do you want a drink?" Jackson asks instead, and Jaebum can't find it within himself to say no. He never wants to say no to Jackson. 

So Jackson pours them one drink, and then three, and then Jaebum is absolutely wiped. 

“Just sleep here, duh.” Jackson says when Jaebum groans about being sleepy for the fifteenth time, and pats the bed beside him.

“Fine.” Jaebum says, because his legs really do feel too heavy to walk the distance to his room. It seems like an infinitely difficult task. “But I didn’t bring my pajamas.”

“For god’s sake Jaebum, just get in bed.” Jackson replies in exasperation. 

Jaebum barely registers that he’s getting undressed just to his boxers, but before he knows it, he’s sliding into the sheets beside Jackson. The bed feels too good after a long day, and Jaebum lets out a small moan at the feeling of the comfortable mattress under him. Beside him, Jackson snorts.

“Nice noise to make in bed Jaebum. I would’ve taken you to be more of a grunting man than a moaner.” Jackson says, and Jaebum feels his face redden at more innuendo.

“Do you ever relax with the sex talk?” He asks, shifting around to get more comfortable, and finding Jackson much closer to him than he’d been before.

“No." Jackson says with a laugh. "Why would I?" 

"Why would you?" Jaebum parrots and stares up at the ceiling, feeling the delicious heaviness of his limbs in the comfy bed. 

“Hey, I meant to ask earlier, but do you like glamorous women?” Jackson asks suddenly, and Jaebum can’t quite determine from his voice alone if this is a serious question or not. But when he looks at Jackson, he looks serious. He feels the urge to laugh because there’s zero way that he’s been giving off heterosexual vibes lately. At least not where Jackson is concerned. "Like the ones at the pai gow table." He adds. 

“No.” Jaebum answers. “Not my type.” Jackson quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh? What’s your type then?” Jackson asks quietly. Jaebum pauses for a moment, unsure how to answer this question. He should lie -- say something about cute girls, or tomboys or something. But his tongue feels too heavy in his mouth.

“I like… loud laughs. And nice legs.” Jaebum says, hoping that’s enough of an answer.

“Wow. Vague. Come on, there must be something you like in a person.” Jackson wheedles. Jaebum sighs.

“I don’t know. I used to think I had a type, but now I’m not so sure.” That’s a bit of an understatement -- he’d previously been pretending that he was straight. Now his type seems to be men who look a lot like Jackson. Luckily, Jackson takes to this answer, humming in understanding.

“Tastes can change.” He agrees. “Don’t you want to know what I like in a person?” Jackson asks, face suddenly too close to Jaebum’s.

“Sure.” Jaebum says, throat tight, unsure if he really wants to hear this.

“I like when they wear my clothes. I like when they have nice eyes. I like when they have moles.” Jackson says in a low voice, eyes staying focussed on Jaebum. “I like-.” Jaebum feels his heartbeat thumping harder and harder. He feels dizzy with the intensity of Jackson’s words. He doesn't want to hear what Jackson is going to say, but at the same time he's never wanted to know something more. 

Instead of finishing his sentence though, Jackson shifts and throws a leg over Jaebum's legs. Jaebum is too tired, too tipsy, too happy to be under Jackson's touch like this to move. 

And then Jackson’s hands ghost over Jaebum’s bare chest, and even though this is similar to what had happened in the pool, it's really  _really_ not. Jackson has an erection, Jaebum realizes, and he’s halfway there himself.

“Am I still cute?” Jackson asks, voice low in his ear, and he grinds his hips down on Jaebum’s, just for a split second. Jaebum barely avoids gasping at the sensation.

“More than you think.” Jaebum responds, and Jackson grins at him, but this time there’s something darker and dirtier about his smile. Something that makes Jaebum want to stick around and see what happens.

“I’ll show you cute.” Jackson mutters, but he shifts away from Jaebum slightly. Jaebum wants to ask where he’s going, but suddenly he feels exhausted, their long day of exploring, and his cocktails catching up with him.

“I’m tired.” He says for the sixteenth time.

“Go to sleep Jaebum." Jackson says. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

Jaebum can't look forward to it more.

\--

When Jaebum wakes up the next morning, Jackson is still asleep, curled up towards him. They’re not touching or anything, but it still feels incredibly intimate. Just watching Jackson’s chest rise and fall slowly as he sleeps makes Jaebum’s heart feel heavy in the best way. He wonders what it would be like to wake up next to Jackson every day.

His eyes trace over Jackson’s features -- from his eyes to his lips. Jaebum wonders what it would be like to kiss Jackson. He has nice lips, Jaebum can’t help but notice. He seems like he would kiss like his life depended on it, Jaebum thinks, and he wonders how it would feel to be kissed like that. He can't help but notice too that Jackson looks younger in his sleep. More cuddly. 

He gets out of bed first and fixes them coffee, wrapping himself in a thick robe over his underwear. He mentally shakes his head at himself for managing to fall asleep the night before in his underwear in the same bed as Jackson, and he wasn’t even that drunk. He’s hardly being subtle at this point. 

“Good morning.” Jackson says as Jaebum sets his coffee down on the table to drink. His voice is low and rumbling in the morning, Jaebum is somewhat excited to find out. Jaebum turns around to see Jackson propped up on a pillow looking at him sleepily. The flutters in his stomach give way to a a clench in his chest.

"Good morning." He echoes. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did." Jackson replies, and the conversation is so domestic that Jaebum can't help but ache for more. “Just let me shave.” Jackson says with a yawn. “And then we can get breakfast and head out.”

“You look good with stubble though.”

“Not as good as you in my bed.” Jackson says back in response, swinging his legs out of bed. Jaebum barely averts his eyes in time to miss the sight of Jackson’s almost naked body. He’s so distracted by Jackson’s body that he almost misses what Jackson said.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Jackson replies cheekily, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. Jaebum averts his eyes again, this time to hide his own reddening face at Jackson's words.

\--

Neither of them mention the night before as they dress and pack. Jaebum isn't hungover luckily, but his feet hurt from all the walking of the day before, and he's even more tired. 

So Jackson makes the call to head back to Hong Kong early, so they just eat breakfast, check out, and get driven to the port to go back. Jaebum doesn't know if he even wants to bring up the night before. They were definitely both hard, and it was definitely for each other. But Jackson seems content to not discuss it, so Jaebum doesn't either. He just stares out at the sea on the ride back, and lets Jackson call him a cab, lost in his thoughts. 

\--

When he gets back to his apartment, Jaebum is oddly restless. 

He misses Jackson. It makes no sense -- they’d literally only just seen each other a few hours prior, but Jaebum misses Jackson. It seems like his crush runs deeper, and more intensely than he’d initially thought.

It isn’t just sexual, although Jaebum wants that -- wants to have sex with Jackson. He actually knows now what Jackson’s cock feels like under him, even if it was through the cloth of their underwear. And it felt good. Jaebum wants to feel it without underwear, just skin to skin.

But he also knows what Jackson looks like when he's sleeping, and what he sounds like when he wakes up, and how he likes his coffee, and what brand of toothpaste he uses, and Jaebum wants all of that too -- the night and the morning after. He wants as much of Jackson as Jackson wants to give, and that's a dangerous thought to have for someone he's known for less than two months. A man to boot, he thinks. It isn't that Jaebum has a problem with that necessarily, but he'd thought that maybe he'd have stronger feelings about the process of falling for a man when he'd been parading as a straight man for years. Jackson makes it easy, he thinks, between the jokes, and the dinners, and the trip, Jackson made Jaebum feel comfortable and safe. 

So he misses him.

  
\--

Work is crazy busy on Monday, much to Jaebum's chagrin. He's thrown into a whirlwind after his weekend away: there seems to be task after task after task for him to finish. He gets calls from a few investors trying to work around the regulations to get access to the Chinese markets. He calls Chinese investors trying to invest in Hong Kong and Japanese markets. He reads document after document, and email after email.

But through all this work, his brain keeps flitting to Jackson, and their weekend together, trying to figure out if there was any indication that Jackson likes him back. Jaebum doesn't like to think of himself as dumb, and Jackson had spent half of their time together in Macau flirting with him. They'd slept in the same bed. Jaebum had worn Jackson's clothes. Jackson kept making comments about Jaebum in bed, or sex. Jackson paid for the whole thing. There's no way it was entirely platonic. Jaebum just isn't sure how much of it was romantic exactly. 

And he wants to know. He has a crush, a bad one at that, and his crush most definitely thinks he's attractive to a certain extent. Why shouldn't he act on that? He's only here in Hong Kong for less than two months, and he needs to make the most of it. Jaebum recalls his conversation with Jinyoung, warning him not to fall in love with a woman from Hong Kong. If only Jinyoung had known, Jaebum thinks. 

"Are you okay?" Yubin asks, poking her head in Jaebum's office as the sun sets. 

"Mmm. Just thinking." He says quickly. "Busy day today." 

"Aren't they all?" She asks, but leaves him alone anyways. Jaebum just groans into his stack of papers. He's no closer to getting his work done, and he's no closer to knowing Jackson's feelings. 

\--

Without even really thinking, he hails a cab out to Stanley, to Jackson’s house after work instead of going home. He's stupidly tired, and he needs to do a bit of work when he gets home, but he needs to do this anyways. 

It’s stupid that he’s even here, but he just can’t shake the feeling that he needs to tell Jackson that he likes him. He doesn’t know if Jackson is even gay, let alone if he likes him back, but he just needs to tell Jackson anyways. Actually, he doesn’t even know if Jackson is home. It's nine at night, but he doesn't know what Jackson does during the week beyond when they see each other.

He pays for the cab, and walks to the end of the street where Jackson lives, ignoring his heart hammering in his chest with nerves. 

He presses the buzzer at the gate, and only has to wait for a few moments before Jackson's voice comes through the intercom. 

"Jaebum?" 

"Yeah. It's me. Are you busy right now?"

"No, I'm buzzing you in." The gate swings open to let Jaebum in just as he says this, and he makes his way up the driveway to where Jackson is waiting in the open doorway. "Hurry up!" Jackson yells. "I'm letting all the bugs in." 

"I'm coming! You don't have to hold the door open!" Jackson just rolls his eyes, and lets Jaebum in.

"What's up?" Jackson asks once they're actually inside his house. Today he's in white jeans and a linen shirt, and he looks like a supermodel Jaebum thinks.

"I missed you." Jaebum blurts out. He didn't really plan out what he was going to say, but he figures that's as good of a start as he'll get. 

"You missed me?" Jackson asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I like you.” He says. “On Saturday night you asked about my type. And I lied. I like you. And I missed you. That's all I came to say. It's dumb, I know. But I just had to tell you.” He says, and turns to leave in embarrassment.

“Jaebum stop! I like you too.” Jackson calls out quickly though, and Jaebum finds himself turning around. Jackson is smiling at him, but it isn’t his usual smile. It lacks the usual confidence, and instead there’s something softer, and shyer. Jaebum’s heart is still pounding in his chest, but for a completely different reason.

“You do?” Jaebum asks, somewhat incredulous.

“Jaebum, what do you think I’ve been doing for the last month and a half if it isn’t liking you?” Jackson says, and now he’s reaching out for Jaebum, stroking his arm slightly. Jaebum barely resists the urge to shiver under his touch.

“I don’t know.” Jaebum answers, taking a step closer to Jackson. They’re not necessarily the closest physically that they’ve ever been, but there’s a new sense of closeness between them. A new  _something_ between them.

“Do you want to come in?” Jackson asks then, cocking his head to the side.

Like Jaebum could say anything besides yes.


	5. and so i took off on my bicycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the drug use tag. And the explicit rating :DDDD (you’re welcome). And the usual applies: please yell at me if I have any unfinished sentences. I’m getting better, but that might be making me complacent… So please let me know!!!!
> 
> Um, also if you’ve seen the Dawn of Us MV… You might be able to guess where the inspiration for a scene came from. 
> 
> Also also, speaking of Yubin I’m so hyped for her mini-album!!!!
> 
> Chapter title from "Sunworshipper" by Mylo (thanks Krystal).

Despite their mutual confessions, nothing much happens that night. But if Jaebum thinks about it, the whole thing just feels inevitable. Their paths have converged, and even if Jaebum can’t put a name on what they are, he knows that whatever it is feels right.

They sit in Jackson’s living room for a bit, watching whatever Jackson was watching on TV. Jaebum is so distracted that he isn’t even paying attention -- he’s still running on the excitement of knowing that Jackson _likes him back_.

“Hey, so you should come over on Saturday.” Jackson says after a bit of silence, his voice holding just a hint of what Jaebum senses is to come.

“I will.” Jaebum promises. Like he could ever stay away. Not now that he’s told Jackson how he feels. “What time?”

“Any time.” Jackson replies quickly.

“You aren’t doing anything?”

“I am when you get there.” Jackson says with a wink, and oh Jaebum thinks. He’s fairly certain that his face turns beet red.

“Uh. Okay. I’ll probably come over in the afternoon then.” He says, trying not to stutter over his words.

“I can’t wait.” Jackson says.

“I’m still here.” Jaebum replies teasingly, feeling some of his confidence come back. “I can leave if you want.”

“Don’t you dare.” Jackson says, narrowing his eyes.

“I have to leave sometime. I have to be up early for work tomorrow.”

“You can stay for the rest of this programme.” Jackson says, and promptly burrows himself into Jaebum’s side -- the closest they’ve been all night.

“I should’ve known you’d be clingy.” Jaebum teases, but his arm comes up around Jackson anyways.

“I’m the clingiest.” Jackson says, and he goes and tugs Jaebum’s arm more snugly around him. “You better watch out.” Somehow Jaebum isn’t all that scared.

Jaebum practically floats home at midnight on the happiness of knowing that Jackson likes him back. He doesn’t even care that he has to wake up in six hours, and he has a shit ton of work to do the next day because Jackson likes him back.

\--

The next day he gets an ominous looking email from Junho asking Jaebum to call him when he’s alone. Jaebum isn’t really sure what to make of it. But he sticks around work until late, waiting until everyone leaves to call Junho. He’s nervous all day, wondering if he’s going to be fired, if something is happening in Seoul that he doesn’t know about. He doesn’t think it is -- he pays close attention to the bulletins that come in for the East Asia region but even so, Junho never tells him to call, he always waits for Jaebum’s call whenever it’ll come.

It seems especially peculiar that Junho doesn’t want anyone around. It doesn't bode well, Jaebum thinks. 

At five past nine when everyone else but a few of the more junior guys have left, Jaebum closes the door to his office and dials Junho’s work number. Junho answers on the first ring, sounding almost breathless.

“Jaebum, hello! How are you doing?” Junho asks, rapid-fire, but sounding friendly as always.

“I’m good. How are you?” Jaebum asks, not feeling any of his nervousness dissipate.

“I’m good! I’m really good! What’ve you been up to?”

“Oh, uh, I actually have a few opportunities to do a bit of investing. Just some small bits, but even so, I’m excited just to have the chance.”

“You do? That’s amazing! I knew you do great!” Junho says, and Jaebum can practically see the broad grin on his face over the phone.

“And everything is okay in Korea?”

“Oh, yeah, everything’s great here. We all miss you of course.”

“Of course.” Jaebum repeats with a laugh.

“Hey Jaebum?” Junho says, tone suddenly serious.

“Yeah?” He says nervously.

“Keep an eye out for Nichkhun.” Junho says slowly. It sounds like a warning, and Jaebum doesn’t know why he needs to watch out for Nichkhun, who has been nothing but kind and welcoming since he got to Hong Kong.

“For anything in particular?”

“Just see if he does anything weird.”

“He really doesn’t do anything weird. But I’ll watch anyways.”

“Does he know any traders?”

“Probably. I don’t know.” Jaebum says, slowly understanding where Junho is going. He wants to know if Nichkhun is in on some shady investments, if he’s fucking around with traders to get a better investment. “Let me keep an eye out.”

“Good. Let me know if anything fishy comes up.”

“I will.” Jaebum promises.

He ends up hanging around the office for longer than he’d intended, thinking about his conversation with Junho. He’s now sure that Junho sent him to Hong Kong to spy on Nichkhun, but despite Junho asking him to watch for any kind of shady under the table shit, Jaebum hasn’t seen any kind of hint of anything like that. Nothing.

Jaebum turns to look out the window at the lit-up city. He doesn’t know what to do. Technically he works for both Junho and Nichkhun, and if he gets caught snooping on Nichkhun, he’ll get in trouble. A feeling of being small comes over him again.

But Junho wouldn’t ask him for no reason, right?

\--

Jaebum winds up coming home late again, but for an entirely different reason. Yet, once he’s home, he can’t stop his thoughts from straying to Jackson again.

He jerks off in the shower thinking about Jackson, and this time he doesn’t have to feel guilty about it. Because now they’re going to do stuff. Jaebum mentally snorts at himself for calling sex “stuff” in his mind while he jerks off thinking about his maybe-possibly boyfriend. Because based on the way they’ve been with each other, there’s no way Jackson doesn’t want him back.

And even though Jaebum has never slept with another man, there’s a fire under his skin at the thought of being able to touch Jackson, have Jackson touch him. He’d had a few tantalizing brief moments, in the pool, when they slept in the same bed, but Jaebum can’t help but wonder how it’ll be when they are fully allowed to look, to touch.

He strokes himself slowly, allowing himself to think about Jackson’s cock under his. Jackson’s fingers running over his stomach. His fingers don’t feel like enough around his cock. They feel like too much. He wants to feel Jackson’s cock as he jerks him off. He’s never sucked a dick, but he thinks maybe he’d do that for Jackson. He thinks about taking Jackson’s dick in his mouth, and he feels his own cock twitch just at the thought.

He wonders if they’re going to do anything this weekend. God, Jaebum hopes so. It feels like an eternity since he first jerked off thinking about Jackson.

He comes in an embarrassingly short amount of time while imagining Jackson letting out little whines of pleasure, and shuts the shower off, letting his head rest against the cool tile of the shower. He looks at the droplets of water running down his skin and thinks of Jackson in the pool. His dick hardens a bit at just the memory, and Jaebum groans. Somehow he doesn’t know how he’s going to make it until he sees Jackson again.

\--

The week passes uneventfully. Jaebum tries to keep an eye out for Nichkhun, but his own work keeps him too busy to really get any kind of effective surveillance in. Or that’s what he tells himself.

\--

And then it’s Saturday morning, and Jaebum wakes up with a thrum of anticipation running through his body -- a sense that what he’s been waiting for has finally arrived.

He hails a cab out to Jackson’s house, unable to keep from tapping his fingers on his knees for the whole trip.

“You nervous or something?” The cab driver asks, swerving wildly to go around a pedestrian.

“Something like that.” Jaebum answers vaguely, and tips him extra for getting there quickly.

Jackson isn’t waiting for him this time, but he answers the gate quickly, and comes practically running to the door. Jaebum can understand the feeling.

“Hey.” Jackson says, eyeing Jaebum up and down, before reaching out to tug him inside. The level of touching is new, but not even that new if Jaebum is being honest. Jackson has been handsy with him for a while now. “What are you thinking so hard about?”

“I don’t think either of us have been very subtle about our feelings for each other.” Jaebum blurts out. Jackson laughs, bright and cheery.

“No. I don’t think we have.” He says. “Come on in.” Jackson adds, and Jaebum just follows him inside.

“What do you want to do today?” Jaebum asks.

“Relax. Spend some time together.” Jackson answers. “That’s all I wanted.”

“Okay. We can do that.” Jaebum says, already feeling himself settle in. It was as if just seeing Jackson made his nervousness disappear.

He watches Jackson disappear into the kitchen and come back with a tray of food.

“Ah, you cooked for me?”

“I had a maid do it. I can only cook a few things.” Jackson admits. “I wouldn’t want to give you food poisoning.”

“Thank you? I think?” Jaebum replies with a laugh.

“Let’s eat outside, it’s so nice out today.” Jackson says, and ushers them out to the verandah.

They eat slowly, talking about their week since they last saw each other. It feels domestic, but it also feels a lot like what they’ve been doing since they met. Jackson tells him about his week, how he had to sit through a bunch of bullshit meetings. Jaebum doesn't tell him that he's supposed to be spying on his boss. He doesn't know how to even begin on that subject. Besides, it's the weekend, he tells himself. 

Jaebum stretches out on a lounge chair after they finish, enjoying the small amount of sunlight that manages to make its way on him from the canopy of trees overhead.

“Do you mind?” Jackson asks suddenly, waggling a joint in front of him.

“No, go ahead.” Jaebum answers.

Jackson lights up the joint and inhales deeply, then blows out the smoke. Jaebum watches it trail up to the sky. Jackson looks good like this, like he does doing everything, Jaebum thinks.

“Shit.” Jackson says. “I needed this.” He passes the joint to Jaebum who takes a small hit, not wanting to get too crazy, and then passes it back to Jackson.

They get a little high, just passing the joint between them lazily.

Jaebum feels his head grow heavier, and his body relax. He doesn’t smoke weed very often, but he doesn’t mind it sometimes, and he especially doesn’t mind when Jackson’s thigh is pressed up next to his.

The sea is a bit hazy today. Jaebum can’t quite make out the outlying islands, and the gradient from the blue of the sea to the blue of the sky is infinite. He doesn’t think there’s any sight like the view from Jackson’s house. He doesn’t want to leave.

The purple-red flowers smell strongly, and Jaebum suddenly feels a bit dizzy. Dizzy with the heat, and the flowers, and the weed, but mostly with the prospect of sleeping with Jackson. It’s not as if he didn’t know it was coming, because he’s kind of known from the start that it was going to come to this. He wants it so bad.

“You alright?” Jackson asks, forcing Jaebum out of his reverie.

“Yeah. I’m perfect.” Jaebum says, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth.

“Good.” Jackson says, and smiles at him. “Do you want to swim?”

They wind up mainly floating more than swimming, just the two of them holding hands and floating around.

“Come on, let’s get changed.” Jaebum says. “I’m cold.”

They change quickly, and wander into the living room. Jaebum feels his heart start beating a bit faster, and he doesn’t even really know why.

“Do you know how to play?” Jackson asks, nodding his head towards the mahjong board on his side-table.

“Not really. I see old people around the city playing it.” Jaebum answers, and he wants to punch himself for answering in the least sexy way possible. Jackson hums.

“I’ll have to teach you sometime.” Jackson says, and then there’s an arm curled around Jaebum’s neck, pulling him impossibly close to Jackson. “Not right now though.” Jackson says with a smile, and kisses Jaebum. Finally. It feels like Jaebum has been waiting forever for this.

Jaebum has seen Jackson’s muscles before -- you can’t miss them, but it’s another thing to be pressed up against Jackson’s solid chest. Jackson kisses like he wants to consume Jaebum, and Jaebum wouldn’t mind. He’s the best kisser of anyone that Jaebum has ever kissed, and just the act of kissing sends a pleasant twisting sensation to Jaebum’s stomach. Jaebum has always been the one to lead the kiss, but now that he’s the one being led, he can’t say that he minds. One of Jackson’s hands runs through the hair at the base of Jaebum’s neck and then settles on the back of his head, pushing him further towards Jackson. Jaebum lets his hands come up to rest on Jackson’s lower back, not his ass, but close enough.

Just as Jackson gets comfortable, Jackson shifts them onto his plush sofa, Jaebum first so Jackson can practically sit in his lap. He looks up at Jackson, who’s looking at him so fondly that Jaebum can hardly believe it.

“Is this okay?” Jackson asks, hands stroking up Jaebum’s sides. His hands are still frustratingly over Jaebum’s clothes.

“Yes.” Jaebum answers hastily, surging forward to bring Jackson’s body back into contact with his. They’re making out chest to chest now, and Jackson’s fingers start to work their way under his shirt. Jaebum has to try his hardest not to make a noise when Jackson’s fingers finally touch his skin. It somehow feels far more intimate than any other time Jackson has touched him.

Except Jaebum doesn’t know where to put his hands. He ends up just kind of wrapping them around Jackson’s neck awkwardly.

“You can touch me.” Jackson says with a smile, pulling away from Jaebum just slightly, shifting his hips and oh. Jackson is hard, and Jaebum is halfway there himself.

“I’ve never…” Jaebum whispers

“We don’t have to do anything.” Jackson says, tilting his head to the side. “I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do.”

“No! I mean, I want to, but I’ve never done anything before…” With a man, goes unsaid, but Jackson seems to understand.

“Do you want me to show you?” Jackson asks softly. It seems like this is a new side to Jackson, one that Jaebum hasn’t seen before. It gives him a thrill to know that Jackson has a softer, more vulnerable side. It gives him a thrill that there are so many sides to Jackson that Jaebum gets to see.

“Yes.” Jaebum replies, more of an exhale than anything.

“I’ll make you feel good.” Jackson says with a lazy grin. “I promise baby.”

“Don’t call me baby.” Jaebum grumbles half-heartedly, but Jackson is leaning in to kiss him again anyways.

“Mmm, you can call me baby if you want.” Jackson says, and suddenly his fingers are working Jaebum’s zipper open.

The whole thing is soft and gentle, Jaebum thinks. The way Jackson slowly jerks them both off. The way the late afternoon sunlight hits Jackson’s face in a golden haze.

It really isn’t that different from jerking himself off, Jaebum thinks, but at the same time it’s infinitely better.

They cum just after one another, and it should be gross, seeing as they’re both sort of sweaty, and there’s now cum on both of them, but Jaebum doesn’t care.

Jackson collapses onto the sofa beside him, and presses a kiss onto Jaebum’s forehead.

“Was that okay?” Jaebum asks, feeling unexpectedly nervous all of a sudden.

“Yes. It was perfect for me.” Jackson answers. “Was it okay for you?”

“Yeah.” Jaebum says, still trying to gather himself together. His body feels pleasantly weightless.

“You’re staying here tonight.” Jackson declares. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Where would I go?” Jaebum asks, feeling a rush of daring come over him as he kisses Jackson. Jackson melts into the kiss immediately, kissing Jaebum deeply. Jaebum feels dizzy but stable in Jackson’s arms. He feels endlessly content.

\--

They spend the rest of the evening sharing soft kisses, showering, and watching TV. Then Jackson leads Jaebum into his enormous bedroom, and gives him a pair of pajama pants to sleep in.

Jaebum hasn’t slept in the same bed as someone else in a while, but he finds himself settling back into the comfort of knowing someone else is beside him as he sleeps. Besides, Jackson is adorably clingy in bed, wrapping himself around Jaebum.

“Today was good.” Jaebum says.

“I’m glad.”

“I like you.” Jaebum says, even though Jackson already knows this.

“I like you too.” Jackson replies sleepily. “I told you I like when you wear my clothes.” Jaebum can’t help the blush that comes over his face.

Jaebum falls asleep easily that night.

\--

Jackson drives them back into Central for dim sum in some small hole-in-the-wall restaurant for brunch the next morning. It’s delicious and Jaebum eats so much that he’s sure he’s going to resemble a dumpling by the end of the meal. But when he voices as much to Jackson, Jackson just tells him that they’ll have to find some way to burn off those calories.

\--

So Jaebum finds himself writhing on his own bed as Jackson sucks him off. Jaebum really hadn’t meant for this to happen -- he’d just thought that Jackson was going to drop him off, but then he wound up asking Jackson if he wanted a coffee.

And then one thing led to another, and here they are. He feels his dick touch the back of Jackson’s throat, and Jaebum all but shouts at the sensation.

“Is that good?” Jackson asks, pulling off to lick at the underside, and suck on his balls.

“Yes. Yes.” Jaebum moans out, trying not to tangle his hands in Jackson’s hair.

“Do you want to cum in my mouth?” Jackson asks.

“Uh.” Jaebum says, his brain short-wiring.

“You’re allowed.” Jackson says huskily, and then takes Jaebum’s whole length in his mouth. From here, Jaebum can see that one of Jackson’s hands has come down and he’s jerking himself off as he sucks Jaebum’s cock. The sight alone almost sends Jaebum over the edge, the knowledge that Jackson is getting off on getting Jaebum off.

“I’m… soon.” He pants out.

“Or you can cum on my face.” Jackson says, throat somewhat hoarse.

“Jackson!” Jaebum practically yelps, and he feels himself cum down Jackson’s throat.

There’s a drop of cum on Jackson’s lower lip as he pulls off, shifting so he’s standing on his knees over Jaebum’s legs, jerking himself off and staring right at Jaebum.

“You’re so hot.” Jaebum says, staring at the veins on Jackson’s hands as he pumps.

“Says you.” Jackson says.

“Can I do it?” Jaebum asks, gesturing to Jackson’s cock.

“If you want.” Jackson says, letting go of his dick. Jaebum watches it come up to hit Jackson’s delicious lower abs. “Stop staring and touch me.” So Jaebum obeys: reaching a hand tentatively up to stroke Jackson. It’s slightly awkward to do it from the front, instead of how he usually does for himself, but he finds himself settling into a rhythm, and from the way Jackson is panting, it must be okay.

Soon enough Jackson is cumming on Jaebum’s hand, and Jaebum can’t resist the urge to lick off a tiny bit of the cum that landed on his thumb. Jackson just watches him with wide eyes.

“Oh my god. You are not a virgin.” Jackson says. “Fuck you.”

Jaebum just swipes the final drop of cum off Jackson's lower lip with his tongue, pulling him in for another addictive, filthy kiss. 

\--

His week passes like it does. Jackson sometimes calls to ask how his day is, but there’s no time for the two of them to see each other between their busy schedules. Jaebum meets with another client, this time for a slightly larger investment sum, and it goes well.

On Wednesday evening he goes to the washroom and finds Yubin inside, smoking. He doesn’t say anything. He's past questioning his co-workers' decisions at this point. 

“Late night?” She asks, exhaling.

“Not too bad. What about you?” He asks politely, trying to figure out how to pee with her in here.

“It’ll be late for me. Hang on, I’ll turn around.” She says, and dutifully turns to face the wall. “Taecyeon broke the smoke detector in here but the one in the women’s washroom still works.”

“Ah.” Jaebum says, peeing quickly.

“It’s not that weird.” She says defensively, and then drops her cigarette into the toilet. “You want one?” She asks, pointing to the pack of cigarettes on the counter.

“No thanks.” He answers, and just watches her as she lights another one up.

“I’m a stress smoker.” She says. “And I’m stressed right now. This Japanese fucker is up my ass right now trying to get me to find a way into the Zhejiang real estate market but I can’t.”

“You can’t get access? I thought it was an SEZ?” Jaebum asks.

“I’m trying. But the hoops we have to jump through to get access to those investment opportunities are a pain.” Jaebum hums in agreement. He’s known that about Chinese investment for ages. “I keep telling him to invest in Korea or Thailand but the racist fuck won’t do it.”

“Malaysia is good right now too.” Jaebum offers. He can see how tense she is. 

“Nobody wants to talk about it, but there’s no way this shit is sustainable. Everywhere is good. Too good.” Yubin says bitterly, her face barely visible through the cloud of smoke.

“You think?” Jaebum asks curiously. He hadn’t thought that deeply about the market. Every market has booms and busts, it’s just a fact of the cycle.

“I know.” She answers. “But fuck if I’m not going to make as much money as I can until then.”

“Right.” Jaebum says slowly, trying to figure out why she’s saying this to him.

“Friday is a holiday so you don’t need to come in.” She says abruptly. “I hear you have a girlfriend or something. Go see her.” Jaebum almost chokes on his coffee.

“Right.” He says through his coughs. “I will.” He doesn’t know how somehow everyone thinks he has a girlfriend. He really doesn’t.

“Good. I’ll see you later.” Yubin says, and breezes out of his office.

\--

Jaebum doesn’t really know what to expect when Jackson picks him up on Friday morning. He’d called him to say he had the day off, thinking Jackson would be at work but they could have dinner together or something. So he’d been surprised when Jackson told him that he had the whole day off, and that he’d pick him up in the morning to do something. Really Jaebum should’ve been tipped off by how secretive Jackson had been over the whole thing.

“Ta-da!” Jackson says, waving his arms in front of the docked yacht that they’ve just parked in front of.

“Of course you have a fucking boat.” Jaebum says and Jackson just laughs that bright, happy laugh of his.

“You always love looking at the sea.” Jackson says, scratching the back of his neck as if he’s embarrassed to admit this. “So I thought I’d take you to the sea.”

Jaebum doesn’t even know how to respond to that. He feels a pang of fondness come over him at the realization that Jackson noticed that.

“Come on. Let’s go.” Jackson says, tangling their hands together to lead them onto the gangplank.

It’s just the two of them, and an invisible crew, and the ocean. The captain sets off with a wave of Jackson’s hand, and then they’re floating free.

It’s clear today, and Jaebum feels like he can see forever, like the ocean will just never end. He doesn’t want the moment to end -- a day with just Jackson and him.

“Nice hmm?” Jackson asks from beside him. His hair is flapping in the wind, and he looks stupidly handsome in his simple outfit of swim trunks and a polo shirt. Jaebum just takes a moment to enjoy the sight.

“Yeah. Really nice.” He says slowly, making sure Jackson sees the way his eyes rake up and down over his body.

They end up laying out on a cushioned section in the front of the yacht as the boat speeds away from the main island and into the straits. Jaebum has to admit that knowing Jackson has it's perks, if it means that he gets to spend his days off like this -- lounging under the sun on a fucking yacht. 

It's too loud to talk really, so Jaebum just relaxes for a while, until the boat starts to slow down. They're beside a small island, tucked out of sight. 

Jaebum hears the sound of the anchor being released, and he looks over at Jackson. Jackson barely has time to lick his lips before Jaebum is scrabbling to kiss him.

“Jaebum, what’s this?” Jackson asks with a laugh.

“I want to kiss you.” He answers, before kissing Jackson again. This kiss is slow, languid, passionate. Like they have all the time in the world.

Jackson moves them onto a longer lounger so they can stretch out and kiss -- Jackson perched over Jaebum, his knee between Jaebum’s thighs. The sky is perfectly blue behind Jackson, Jaebum thinks.

Jackson’s hand comes down over Jaebum’s crotch, and Jaebum almost whimpers.

“How do you feel about a repeat of last weekend?” Jackson asks from under heavy eyes.

“I want to have sex with you.” Jaebum blurts out. “Like real sex.”

“Okay. Do you want to fuck me? Or do you want me to fuck you?” Jackson asks, sounding somewhat strained.

“You can fuck me. Please.” Jaebum says, exhaling raggedly. He answered without any thought, he realizes. He wants Jackson so bad.

“I won’t bite.” Jackson promises, and starts groping Jaebum’s cock through his shorts again.

“You could if you wanted.” Jaebum says and is gratified by a groan from Jackson.

“Do you say shit like that on purpose or are you naturally just the hottest man alive?” Jackson asks.

“I don’t know.” Jaebum answers, as he reaches for Jackson’s own cock. Jackson is half-hard through his swim trunks, and the two of them shift so they can both reach. “Please fuck me though.”

“Okay. I’m going to finger you first.” Jackson says, pulling out a bottle of lube from somewhere. Jaebum wonders if Jackson had been planning for this to happen -- for them to wind up fucking on the yacht. But he can’t bring himself to care, not at the prospect of Jackson filling him up and fucking him.

Jackson pours some lube out, and warms it up between his hands, before starting to stroke Jaebum’s cock slowly again. Jaebum is just about to ask when he’s going to do something, when one of Jackson’s fingers comes down to his hole, the other hand still pumping his cock agonizingly slowly.

The feeling of the pad of Jackson’s finger on his rim sends tingles through Jaebum’s torso. And Jackson hasn’t done anything yet. He feels himself wiggle slightly, involuntarily.

“Sensitive?” Jackson asks, and presses his finger in slightly, which forces a little huff out of Jaebum. It feels weird, like nothing Jaebum has felt before.

“No.” Jaebum says, but he’s lying. He feels his body respond to each movement of Jackson’s finger -- the slow thrusting in and out.

“I’m going to add another one now, tell me if it’s too much.” Jackson says, as he slides another finger in. Jaebum lets his head fall back against the pillow. The tingles intensify with each thrust. But then Jackson shifts his fingers so they’re making a scissoring movement, and Jaebum’s back arches in pleasure. “Is that bad?” Jackson asks quickly.

“No. More.” Jaebum answers. “Please.”

Jackson doesn’t answer, he just keeps slowly scissoring Jaebum open.

“Another finger now baby?” Jackson asks after a few minutes. The noise that his fingers are making with all the lube in Jaebum’s hole should be obscene, but Jaebum just finds it hot.

“Yes. Slowly.” He answers, and Jackson slowly works a third finger in. The stretch is more now, and there’s an almost unpleasant feeling to it, but Jackson works carefully, taking his time.

Jaebum feels himself slipping into the feeling, the stretch, the warmth of Jackson’s finger, the hand that pumps his cock slightly. His whole body is buzzing with a pleasant warmth.

“I’m ready.” He says, looking up at Jackson.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Please.” Jaebum almost whines, and Jackson moves slightly to wherever he pulled the lube from to get out a condom. Jaebum watches as Jackson shucks off his swimsuit and rolls the condom onto his cock. His heart is racing, and he feels a little nervous, but more than anything he wants this.

And then Jackson’s cock is sliding into him slowly, one bit at a time. Jaebum is grateful for the preparation, because Jackson is thicker than the fingers he’d taken. And suddenly Jackson is right there, he’s fully fucked into Jaebum.

The feeling of Jackson inside him is a whole different thing. It’s new and slightly strange, definitely, but not necessarily unwelcome. Jaebum feels pleasantly full, and he feels connected to Jackson on the most fundamental of levels.

Initially, Jackson just kind of swivels his hips in little circles: small, shallow motions that send tiny ripples of pleasure through Jaebum, but mainly serve to make him feel more comfortable, Jaebum realizes later.

“God. You feel so good.” Jackson says, voice huskier than usual. Jaebum can only just pant. He feels weird, but it’s good for him too. And it feels even better knowing that he’s making Jackson feel good.

Slowly, Jackson starts thrusting harder, his small movements gradually getting larger and larger. A flush comes across Jackson’s face, and it seems to be good for him, but it just kind of feels like a sense of fullness on Jaebum’s end. But then Jackson’s hips snap forward, and touch something and Jaebum can’t help the moan that comes out of his mouth. He slaps his hand over his mouth, and Jackson pauses to look at him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, concern crossing his face.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Didn’t mean to moan?” Jackson asks with a laugh. “That’s the point baby.” The pet name makes Jaebum flush even harder.

“Can you do it again?” Jaebum asks quietly, feeling oddly shy, despite the intimate moment. Jackson thrusts again, and this time Jaebum is unashamed at the noise he makes.

“I’ll do it as many times as you want.” Jackson whispers, and then leans in and bites Jaebum’s ear lightly, one hand coming down to touch Jaebum’s cock. He can’t help the loud moan at that. It’s everything he’d imagined and more. He wants to tell Jackson that, but he can’t quite get his mouth to make those words. He can only be here in this moment, taking whatever Jackson will give him.

His eyes flutter shut, lost in the sensation. Jackson’s cock is fucking him so good, and his hand is teasing his orgasm slowly.

“Yes baby. Just feel me.” Jackson says, thrusting in a little deeper, and Jaebum feels his orgasm swell.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Jackson, I’m cumming.” He babbles, and Jackson’s hand speeds up. He cums all over Jackson’s hand, and feels his muscles relax. But Jackson isn’t done yet, and even though Jaebum is spent and sensitive, Jackson is still fucking him hard. “Oh. Oh. Oh.”

“Shh. I’m almost there.” Jackson says gruffly. His sex voice is hot as shit, Jaebum thinks.

Jackson cums with a groan, and even though Jaebum can’t feel that through the condom, he feels Jackson’s balls pulse slightly, and the realization that he’d done that sends a tingle down his spine.

“Fuck.” Jackson says, pausing for a moment.

Then he pulls out carefully, and Jaebum hears him get off the cushions to putter around, before coming back to join him on the cushions.

“Sorry to leave you.” Jackson whispers, wiping the cum off Jaebum’s stomach. “But I need to clean you up.”

“That was fucking amazing.” Jaebum says, and Jackson’s hand falters over his abs. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad.” Jackson says quietly, collecting himself, and finishes cleaning off Jaebum. He throws the cloth off somewhere and comes back to lie beside Jaebum. It’s too hot for them to touch too much, but Jaebum shifts his arm so his pinky is touching Jackson’s.

\--

The sky starts to cloud over as they sail back to shore. They spent the rest of the day lounging in the sun and drinking champagne, and Jaebum feels boneless in the best kind of way.

“It looks like it’s going to rain.” Jackson says as he traces his fingers across Jaebum’s exposed back. “I think you’re getting a sunburn here, by the way.”

“We can’t all be perfect and tanned like you.” Jaebum grumbles, but he dutifully flips over anyways. “How am I even getting a sunburn if it’s cloudy?” Jackson laughs.

“Next time I’ll fuck you in the shade hmm?” Jackson says, eyes bright, and Jaebum knows that he isn’t joking.

“I can’t wait.” He says.

 


	6. the thief that stole my sad days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. I know I say this every chapter, but I really think this is my favourite chapter thus far. I hope you all love it too. 
> 
> Also, you'll notice the gap between updates. I'm very sorry. A few things: first, I started working 40+ hours per week, and second, I have a lot of fics on the go right now, and I'm kind of drowning. So I'll update when I can, but they will most probably not be every 2 weeks like I initially planned. I hope you won't be too disappointed with me :) Don't worry, this fic will be completed! 
> 
> Song title from the song of the same name by Moodymann.

The morning after their boat trip, Jaebum wakes up mid-morning to aching muscles and a sunburn. He'd gotten back to his apartment late, and stumbled into bed with thoughts of Jackson in his head. Jackson lounging in the sun, Jackson fingering him open, Jackson fucking into him-

Jaebum feels good. He feels really good for the fact that he had sex with a man for the first time the night before. Being around Jackson, being with Jackson makes him feel so at ease, that it's like any worries he might have just melt away. The sex helps too, Jaebum thinks. Especially when Jackson is as good at that as he is. It relaxes Jaebum, although he's quickly come to realize that there's no point in panicking about his sexuality. Not when he has something like whatever he has going on with Jackson to focus on. 

He floats around Sunday in a sense of contentment and soreness. He can't help but wonder what Jackson is doing today. He hadn't said anything to Jaebum the day before, and even though they aren't like boyfriends or anything like that, Jaebum still finds his mind wandering. Jackson must have a thousand friends, but despite this, he seems to be able to carve off large amounts of time for Jaebum. It makes him feel special, wanted. 

He's dated here and there, slept with more than a few girls, but nothing has been this all-consuming. His last serious girlfriend was Chaeyoung, and that was two years ago, when she'd dumped him for her boss. Since then he'd just had a string of brief encounters, nothing particularly fulfilling, but there hadn't been anything Jaebum had found lacking. No absences he felt could be filled by another person. He had his work and his friends, and that was that. 

But now he has his work, and he has Jackson, in whatever capacity that he does. And it's amazing. And he doesn't even know what to do with himself. 

\--

The next day, Jaebum is just about to leave the office for the night when his phone rings, with a +82 area code. It isn't Junho, or Jinyoung's work number, so it has to be his parents. No one else from Korea calls him anyways. And he hasn't called in a few weeks. He's been caught up in work and Jackson. Actually, mostly Jackson. He's fucked. It's not that he's forgotten about his parents, but rather that he's just been so wrapped up his budding relationship with Jackson. 

"Hello?" He answers nervously. His mom is going to yell at him, he just knows it. 

"Jaebum-ah!" His mother crows over the phone, and Jaebum knows that he's in deep shit. His mom never calls first, usually it's him that calls. 

"How are you doing?" She asks, and Jaebum wants to wince at the shrill tone. 

"I'm doing really well. How are you?" 

"Oh, now you ask." She says. 

"I'm sorry Mom. I've been busy."

"You've hardly called." His mother says, and Jaebum can practically see her disapproving expression from over the ocean.

"I've been busy."

"Too busy for your mom?" She asks sharply, and Jaebum feels himself shrink down. 

"No." 

"Hmm. Then what's your excuse?" Jaebum can hear low murmuring on the other line, probably his dad trying to talk down his mom. She's silent for a moment. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be too mad." 

"I'm sorry I didn't call though." He admits. "That wasn't right." 

"I know you're working hard. I know you are. But you're so far away from here. I can't help but worry about you in that big city. Seoul is already bad enough." She chides. 

"I know. I know. I'll call you more often." He promises. "I'll call you tomorow." 

"You had better." She says. "I can't have you forgetting your father and I." 

"How could I ever?"

"Well, it can't just be work keeping you busy." She says, and Jaebum curses that his mother knows him too well. "Is there a girl?" 

"Something like that." He answers, not even bothering to lie. 

"Mmm. I told your father that. He owes me fifty won." 

"You bet on me?"

"A friendly wager." She protests. 

"Mom!" 

"What else could I do if you didn't call me?" She asks, and Jaebum can't respond. She does have a point there, even if the details of his parents' bet aren't quite correct. 

"I'll call you tomorrow." He repeats. 

"Okay. Sleep well. Eat well." His mom says, and hangs up. 

Jaebum looks at his pile of work, and decides to just leave and finish what he's working on the next morning. 

\--

He leaves the building with a crush of other people heading home for the night. He realizes that he's leaving work early enough for once that he manages to catch the tail end of rush hour, and Central is a sea of red brakelights. 

It's drizzling slightly, but the traffic is so bad that Jaebum decides just to walk back to his apartment. 

He turns down a narrow alley full of restaurants, and walks past the crowds of people eating dinner. There's something about the rain that seems to amplify the smell of food, he swears. A vendor shouts at him, asking if he wants Sichuan noodles. Another one yells at him to try their barbeque. Jaebum wants to go home and make some Korean food. 

He wonders how his mom would see Hong Kong, how she would interpret the city. She's hardly been outside of his hometown in Korea, let alone to a city as global as Hong Kong. But even so, there's just something about the city. Something even his mom wouldn't be able to ignore. Jaebum swears that he's seen all the sides of the city, and then the next day he'll discover something new about the city. He thinks that his dad would like Hong Kong, would want to look at all the different sorts of people that manage to find themselves in this city. 

He wonders what his mom would think of Jackson. He's only ever been straight. But it's clear that he isn't, since he's spending most of his off-time kissing another man. Jaebum doesn't know what to do there. He can't tell his mom -- he doesn't know exactly how she would react, but he can predict that it won't be good. His parents expect him to have the whole "get married, have sons" type of life. 

\--

He gets to work when he gets home preparing dinner -- just a simple soup and rice with banchan, but it settles the homesick part inside him. 

He wonders if the opportunity will ever present itself for him to cook for Jackson. That seems like such a serious big thing. A domestic thing. A thing that serious boyfriends do. Is that going to be him and Jackson? Jaebum isn't sure. Does he want that? Part of him says no, that he's only going to be in Hong Kong for a little longer. It makes no sense to create some kind of serious attachment. 

But at the same time. There's a part of him that wants to go further, if Jackson would have him. The thought is terrifying, but at the same time, Jaebum wants it. He's had a tiny slice, a tiny glimpse into what it would be like to be with Jackson, and he wants it all. 

He sighs, wondering if that's even a conversation that's possible at this point. He's only just kissed Jackson really. Who is he to ask what they are? How does Jackson feel about him? Jaebum knows that Jackson finds him attractive, but does it go deeper than that?

\--

On Wednesday Jaebum finds himself standing in an inner-city tennis court, in a part of town that he's never been to before. At least he thinks. 

Jackson had called him the day before, and asked if he wanted to come play tennis after work, and then they could go for dinner afterwards. Of course Jaebum agreed. He's quickly come to realize that his ability to say no to Jackson is almost non-existent. 

Jackson had picked him up in a town car, and immediately tugged Jaebum into the car so they could kiss. Jaebum finds himself in Jackson's lap, thighs bracketing Jackson's. 

"I don't think this is safe." Jaebum whispers as Jackson kisses his neck. 

"Mmm, Dunhuang will keep us safe though." Jackson says, gesturing to the partitioned driver's seat. 

"Okay." Jaebum replies, already convinced and eager to kiss Jackson again. They stay touching for the entire car ride to the tennis court

\--

They end up at a blue tennis court, tower blocks sprawling around them, stretching up to the sky.

"Wow. I feel like an ant." Jaebum muses, looking up at all the buildings. He doesn't even want to know how many people live in the apartment buildings. 

"Crazy huh? This is the future of the city -- all these apartment buildings." Jackson says. "My dad was telling me about it." Jaebum realizes this is the first time Jackson has mentioned his parents. 

"I hear you own half the city." Jaebum replies. 

"An over-exaggeration." Jackson says. "Forty-nine one-hundredths for sure." 

"Oh, sorry. I should've known." Jaebum says with a laugh. 

"An understandable mistake." 

"Must be hard being so rich and famous." Jaebum teases. 

"Yeah right." Jackson replies. "No, it isn't that bad. The worst part is having people recognize you everywhere. Hong Kong is huge, until you realize how miniscule it really is." 

"I'm not there yet." Jaebum says. "It's still huge." 

"It really isn't. You'll see soon enough." 

"Tennis?" Jaebum asks, changing the subject to what they came here for. He hasn't played since he was a child. 

"I can't fuck you all the time for exercise." Jackson answers smoothly. Jaebum coughs. "So I thought we could play tennis instead." 

"We could do that. Not that I'm opposed to the first option." Jaebum says. 

"Mmm, or you could fuck me. That's a partner sport too." Jackson replies, grinning at him. Jaebum can't see his eyes through his dark sunglasses, but he just knows that Jackson's eyes are smiling at him too. "Ready to play?" Jackson asks. 

"Ready as I'll ever be." 

\--

It turns out that Jaebum is horrible at tennis. Horrible. But all the same, it's a welcome distraction from work. The sight of a glistening Jackson helps too. Halfway through, Jackson strips off his shirt, and Jaebum gets a full view of Jackson's abs. 

"Do you work out every day?" He yells as he runs after the ball. 

"Only before I see you. I need to impress." Jackson yells back. If only Jackson knew how much he doesn't need to work to impress Jaebum. 

\--

Jackson wins all three games easily. Jaebum is sure that he hasn't done so much cardio in the last three years of his life. 

"You look good like this." Jackson mutters, biting his lip as they chug water and wait for the car. 

"Sweaty?" 

"Obviously." Jackson says, and tugs him closer. 

Jackson kisses him deeply, and even though they're both all sweaty from playing, Jaebum wants nothing more than to stay in this moment. He opens his mouth and lets Jackson kiss into him, follows Jackson's lead, and kisses him hard. They probably shouldn't be doing this in semi-public, but somehow Jaebum forgets all that once Jackson's hands are on him. 

Jackson's hands slide under Jaebum's shirt, and Jaebum's hands roam over Jackson's abs. Jaebum would jerk Jackson off right here if he could, but he figures that he should probably not get arrested for public indecency. But the idea of the possibility of people seeing him getting Jackson off... He shakes that thought off before things start taking an unexpected turn. 

"Shall we?" Jackson asks, pulling away from Jaebum, but keeping his hands on Jaebum's chest. 

"Dinner?" Jaebum asks. 

"With dessert afterwards." Jackson answers with a wink, and Jaebum already can't wait. 

\--

After dinner they wind up at Jaebum's apartment, Jaebum shoved up against the door, and Jackson deepthroating him. Jaebum can only barely resist the urge to buck into Jackson's mouth. 

"Why are you holding back?" Jackson asks, looking up at Jaebum coquettishly. 

"I'm not." Jaebum pants. 

"Then fuck my mouth like you want to." Jackson says, and takes Jaebum in his mouth again. Of course Jaebum has to listen to him. He thrusts his hips, watching as Jackson just takes it, swallowing Jaebum down like it's nothing. 

"Fuck. Shit." Jaebum groans. "You feel so good." 

"You do too." Jackson mumbles. "Cum in my mouth." 

"You don't need to swallow." Jaebum says, trying to hold back. 

"I want to. Please." Jackson says pleadingly. And so Jaebum does, pulling Jackson up to jerk him off and kiss him. He can taste himself in Jackson's mouth, and the knowledge of that is almost enough to make him grow hard again. 

\--

Afterwards, Jackson is washing up in Jaebum's bathroom, dressed in just a towel from his shower. His stubble is showing, and Jaebum is sure that his fond eyes are showing as he watches Jackson putter around. 

"Hey, so we're going to do something this weekend right?" Jackson asks, towelling off his hair. 

"Don't we always?" 

"Just making sure." Jackson says with a laugh. "I didn't know if you were busy." 

"No. I really don't have any life." Jaebum answers. "Not when you're concerned."

"Good." Jackson says, looking pleased. "Me too." 

\--

Jaebum is in the washroom at work the next day, when Nichkhun practically corners him, coming to pee in the urinal beside his. 

"So. Big week this week hey?" Nichkhun asks, unzipping his pants. 

"I guess?" Jaebum says, unsure if he's forgotten something. He's also too nervous to piss next to his boss. 

"The dragon boat race finals are Friday. Our company has booked a boat to watch them. Have some drinks, you know." Nichkhun replies. Jaebum had heard rumblings about this around the office, but he hadn't been officially invited.

"Mhmm." 

"You should be there." Nichkhun says, and then corrects himself. "No, you need to be there." 

"I was just promoted though." Jaebum says, flushing. 

"The bosses need to know who you are." Nichkhun replies with a grin. "Trust me."

"Alright. I can be there." Jaebum says. 

"Good. It's like nothing you've ever been to before." And Jaebum doesn't know what to make of that. 

"I will." 

"Excellent. I'll call a car to your apartment in the morning." Jaebum's eyes widen. It must be a big deal if Nichkhun is even going out of his way to hire a car to bring him. 

Also, their whole fucking department needs to establish some boundaries around bathrooms, Jaebum thinks, finally able to pee once Nichkhun leaves. 

\--

Friday comes quickly, with Jaebum just working and wondering what Jackson is up to. He still doesn't know what to expect from the dragon boat races, and he's kind of too afraid to ask anyone else. He knows that Yubin and Taecyeon would just laugh, and that Sunmi and Nichkhun would just tell him to show up and see. 

On Friday he leaves his apartment to find an idling town car, oddly reminiscent of his tennis game with Jackson earlier in the week. The driver is silent, just getting out to open the door for Jaebum wordlessly, before roaring off, weaving through traffic to a set of docks that Jaebum has never been to. 

There's a row of party junks all moored together, close enough that someone could jump from one to the next if they wanted. 

The driver points to which boat Jaebum is supposed to go to, and Jaebum makes his way up the gangplank to see what's going on. Jaebum's bank's boat is sandwiched between a reasonable sized Dutch firm, and a huge American bank, both so full of people that the boats are sinking slightly in the water under all the weight. Their boat is the most full oddly enough, and it's full of people that Jaebum has never met before. 

"Jaebum! You made it!" He hears, and sees Nichkhun shoving through the crowd, two important looking men in tow, both Japanese by the sounds of it. 

"Hey." Jaebum greets, and then looks cautiously at the other men. One is taller and fatter, while the other is short and thin.

"I'm glad you made it! Oh, this is the CFO and the vice-president of accounts at our bank." Nichkhun, and Jaebum tries not to let his jaw drop. 

"Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Im Jaebum." He says in his best Japanese. 

"Nichkhun was just raving about you." The taller one says in English with a smile. "It's so good to come and meet you." 

"Yes. We're always happy to come and meet the talent of the company." The shorter one adds. It sounds like a script to Jaebum but he's just grateful to even be meeting them. No wonder Nichkhun dragged him to this, so he could meet the big shots. 

A group of boats race past, a flurry of oars and shouting carries with them. 

"Exciting, isn't it?" The tall one asks Jaebum, while the shorter one pulls out a cell-phone and starts tapping away. 

"Very." Jaebum replies, only for them to excuse themselves and go speak to someone else. He lets out a sigh of relief, happy to be out of the hot seat with the executives. 

"I told you that you needed to be here." Nichkhun says. "You're going places Jaebum." He yells, and grabs two drinks off the tray of a passing bargirl, handing one to Jaebum. "Cheers!" 

"Cheers!" Jaebum repeats, downing the drink quickly. The people around them cheers as well, and there's another drink shoved into Jaebum's hand. 

Taecyeon stumbles past, holding two bottle of tequila. 

"Is he okay?" Jaebum asks. It can't be much later than noon. He's already starting to feel a bit of the effects of the alcohol himself, and he's only two drinks in. 

"He'll be fine." Nichkhun replies with a smile. "It's the dragon boat races." As if that explains the fact that everyone is drunk in the middle of the day. Jaebum nods. "Hey, remember how you asked me about Jackson Wang?" 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah." Jaebum says, trying to feign calmness. That seems like forever ago, but really it hasn't been that long.

"He's here! Small world huh?" Nichkhun says, pointing to over Jaebum's shoulder. 

"What's he doing here?" Jaebum asks, unable to contain his curiousity. 

"I don't know honestly. Weird. Someone up top must've invited him." Jaebum just nods at this, and turns to look. Jackson really is standing there, talking to a small group of people. He's gesturing wildly, and holding a tropical drink. Jaebum really didn't expect Jackson to be here, on this party junk. But then again, Jackson had been saying that Hong Kong is small. 

Jaebum talks to Nichkhun a little more, and stops to say hello to Sunmi and Yubin as well, both dressed down in sundresses instead of their usual black blazers and white shirts. It's blazingly hot out, and everyone just seems to get progressively more drunk as the day progresses. 

A few hours later, Jaebum is on his way back from the bar when he spots Jackson again, and this time, Jackson spots Jaebum back. 

Jackson does a double-take, like he can't believe that Jaebum is there, but soon enough, he's shaking hands with the people he was speaking to, and is heading towards Jaebum. 

"Look who it is." Jackson says when they're close enough , smiling coyly at him. Jaebum is taken aback once again by how handsome Jackson is. Today, in his cream slacks and white button-up shirt with sunglasses, he's fucking resplendent.

"I didn't know you'd be here." Jaebum says, trying his hardest to conceal a smile. 

"I told you Hong Kong was tiny." 

"I suppose you did." Jaebum replies. "I thought you didn't like tropical drinks." He says, pointing to Jackson's drink. 

"They remind me of someone." Jackson says, and downs the rest of his drink. "Can you get away?" Jackson asks, and Jaebum covertly looks around. Everyone he knows is engrossed in conversation. There's no one paying attention to him at all. "I'll buy you a drink." Jackson says in a quiet voice, but his words seem to hold the promise of something else, but something just as sweet. 

Jackson pulls him through the crowd, down the gangplank, and to another junk. Jaebum just lets him. He doesn't even know if he's necessarily allowed to do this. But he's doing it anyways, so he'll just have to deal with the consequences later. 

This boat seems even busier than Jaebum's was, but Jackson just leads him through the crowd towards a tiny bathroom, and locks the door behind them. 

"What are we doing?" Jaebum asks once they're inside. 

"Jaebum, come here." Jackson directs in a low voice, and Jaebum feels his body move forward without even thinking about it. His body can't help but subconsciously respond to Jackson. Jaebum shouldn't because he's there for work. He really really should not. He's also slightly drunk, which he definitely should not be at a work event. But here he is. 

The bathroom is mildly disgusting, but suddenly Jackson is pressing kisses into Jaebum's neck, and Jaebum manages to forget all that. 

"You're driving me crazy." Jackson says, rucking Jaebum's shirt up out of his pants to grope him. "You're running through my mind all day, and then there you are in person." 

"Sorry." Jaebum whispers. 

"Don't apologize." Jackson says and kisses Jaebum. Jaebum can taste the fruity drink on his tongue, the sweetness and then underneath, just Jackson himself. "Do something about it." 

"What do you want me to do?" Jaebum asks. "Do you want to fuck me right here?" 

"No." Jackson groans. "Fuck me." 

"Fuck. Are you sure?" Jaebum asks, feeling his dick just grow significantly harder. 

There's an inexplicable bottle of lube in the bathroom, which says a lot to Jaebum about what the organizers expected to happen here. Jaebum reaches for it somewhat blindly, and then pulls Jackson's pants down. He can see Jackson's dick tenting in his boxers, and Jaebum all but licks his lips. 

"Let me suck you off first." He mutters, gets on his knees, and takes Jackson into his mouth. 

Maybe he's never sucked another man off before, but he's had his fair share of blowjobs, and so he just imitates what he's liked in the past. It takes some adjusting to the stretch, because even though Jackson isn't as long as him, he's wider. 

He forces himself to open his mouth a little wider, wraps his hands around Jackson's thighs. He can feel Jackson shiver slightly, and it sends a feeling of satisfaction right to his dick knowing that.

He isn't quite deep-throating, he thinks, but he's almost there. He remembers this old girlfriend of his that would do this sucking thing with her tongue, and he decides to try that on Jackson. 

Jackson presses a hand to the wall behind him, and it makes a kind of thump against the cheap wood panelling. 

"Fuck! Jaebum!" Jackson yelps, which Jaebum takes as encouragement. 

"Sorry." Jaebum says, and does it again. He takes this as an opportunity to open the lube and coat his fingers. He thinks back to when Jackson fucked him, how he fingered Jaebum open slowly, and tries to replicate that. He wants to make Jackson feel good. 

He slides one finger in first, revelling in how tight Jackson feels, the groan Jackson lets out when Jaebum licks his balls. 

"Two fingers." Jackson instructs. "I fingered myself last night." 

"Shit." Jaebum says, and slides two fingers in, scissoring slightly. 

"Fuck!" Jackson whines. 

Two becomes three, and then Jackson is stretched and pliant. 

"Shit! I didn't bring a condom." Jaebum says, realizing his mistake. He hadn't thought he would be seeing Jackson here, let alone fucking him. 

"I'm clean." Jackson replies breathily. "Please just fuck me." He all but whines, leaving Jaebum to follow his directions. They arrange so Jackson has a knee on the toilet, back arched for Jaebum. Perfect for Jaebum just to take. 

He thrusts into Jackson hard for the first time. The sensation is tighter than he's felt before, but it's fucking amazing. Jaebum feels his eyes roll back into his head. He draws out, feeling Jackson adjust to his cock, and snaps his hips forward, watching Jackson's body adjust to the pace. 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Jackson." He chants. 

"Fuck me harder." Jackson replies, bracing his arms on the toilet. 

Jaebum doesn't remember most of what happens after this. Everything is a blur of JacksonandJaebumandJacksonandJackson. 

Jackson cums with a grunt, and Jaebum cums right after, waiting a second to pull out and watching a dribble of cum come out of Jackson's hole. He pushes it back in with his finger, watching the way Jackson's hole gapes after being fucked hard. He swears that he's never seen a hotter sight. 

He shifts Jackson out of the way, and settles on the toilet, pulling Jackson to sit on his lap. It feels good to take charge, to take care of Jackson the way Jackson had done before. 

"I just got cum on the toilet seat." Jackson says. "Should I clean that up?"

"Mmm. No." Jaebum replies nuzzling into Jackson's neck, enjoying the faint remnants of his cologne still lingering there. "Was that okay?" 

"Shit. That was amazing." Jackson answers with a grin. "We need to do that again." 

"Okay." Jaebum agrees, letting his head fall against Jackson's shoulders. 

This boat must belong to a big American firm by the sounds of the voices outside. Jaebum realizes that he just fucked Jackson in the bathroom of a party junk during the dragon boat race finals. He barely resists the urge to laugh, and watches as Jackson pulls away to dress quickly, checking in the mirror to hide how dishevelled he became. 

"I'll go first." Jackson says. "Follow me in a few minutes."

"Okay." Jaebum says, still trying to get his mind straight. His heart is pounding. He watches Jackson leave and locks the door behind him. Really it's lucky that no one had come to use the washroom. 

There's two men talking about the stock market it sounds like, and even though Jaebum's ears are kind of ringing, he leans his ear against the door anyways. 

"What the fuck man? Malaysia's where it's at. I have no fucking clue how the market can sustain it, but the money I've made in the last month makes me not want to even give a shit." 

"A friend of mine is in Thailand right now. Says the stocks are hotter than the women." They both laugh. 

"I'll keep that in mind. My boss has been on my ass about raising the monthlys, so maybe I'll look into Thailand." 

"Mine too. They want us to keep reaching, but it's really like scraping the fucking barrel." 

"I can't help but wonder if we're walking into a shitstorm." 

"Fuck if I know." The other man. "You want another drink?" 

"Let's go." The other one says, and Jaebum uses this as his chance to escape, pushing out of the bathroom back into the crowd of people, and off the boat towards his bank's boat. He doesn't even look at the men he was listening to, just shooting off. He doesn't know what to make of their conversation. 

One of the big shots smiles at Jaebum as he walks past, and despite his sweaty state, mild inebriation, and post-orgasm wobble, Jaebum manages to coherently smile and wave back. 

\--

Jackson made it back too, mingling with more people. Jaebum watches him from afar for a little while, just admiring Jackson in his natural element. 

After a few minutes, Jackson walks past Jaebum, and he accidentally on purpose brushes his arm against Jaebum's back. Just the simple touch is enough to set a small fire in Jaebum's stomach, makes him feel the low simmer in his body that only Jackson can produce. 

"I'll see you tomorrow." Jackson whispers to Jaebum as he makes his way past. For a second Jaebum's throat catches, thinking that people will have caught onto them, that they've been spotted. But no one is even looking their way. 

For a single second he wants to reach out and grab Jackson's hand. But he can't. He isn't even supposed to know Jackson. He especially isn't supposed to be fucking Jackson in the bathroom of a party junk at a work event. He can't just hold Jackson's hand in front of all these people. 

He doesn't turn to watch Jackson go. Rather, his eyes find Nichkhun, who's busy chatting up a beautiful blonde woman. A party girl, Jaebum thinks, not a banker. He doesn't want to interrupt. He suddenly wants to go home and sleep for a thousand years. His throat feels tight, and he's kind of hungry. And he's not nearly as drunk as he was earlier, and the party junk suddenly seems a lot dirtier. 

Nichkhun laughs at something the woman says, throwing his head back, and the whole thing suddenly seems so fake. Nichkhun and the woman. This fucking dragon boat race. The other investment bankers trying to get along with each other. Jaebum suddenly wants nothing more than to be in Jackson's arms. At least what he feels when he's in that situation is real. 

The party boat is full of people, but Jaebum doesn't really want to talk to any of them. Not anymore. 

He makes his way past a group of men smoking cigars, faces blurry in the haze of the smoke. He's just trying to find a moment of solitude on a boat full of people. But all the same, he finds himself tucked away on the upper part of the junk, close to the back so he can look out on the party, and not that many people can see him. 

He feels a little strange, and he isn't sure if it's the alcohol, or Jackson, or both. He'd really been ready to risk it all just to hold Jackson's hand. Perhaps he's in deeper than he'd anticipated. He's always been drawn to Jackson, right from the beginning, but now Jaebum feels the pull even more strongly. More strongly than he should. 

The sun is high in the sky, and suddenly Jaebum feels exhausted. It's bright out, but it seems as if there's a fog over his vision, casting a hazy filter over everything. His skin feels pleasantly warm, and his eyes feel tired-strained. He can see Taecyeon and Yubin taking swigs from a bottle of vodka, and they seem too old to be doing that, Jaebum thinks. 

One of the men smoking cigars stands and leaves, waving to the rest of them. Another group of boats pass by. Jaebum isn't sure who's winning. 

"You headed out soon? You look a little done." Someone says from beside him, and Jaebum looks over to see Sunmi leaning on the railing beside him. 

"Probably. I'm a bit tired." Jaebum answers. His lips are chapped. Maybe it is time to go home. 

"Your first dragon boat race party. I remember mine." She says, looking up into the sky. Her skin looks transparent in the sun, and Jaebum suddenly notices how slender she is. He wonders how old she is. She musn't be much older than him. 

"Yeah, because you're so old." He replies. 

"Every investment year is like four years in the regular world." Sunmi says with a laugh, and pulls out her cigarettes. "You want one?" 

"No thanks." Jaebum answers. "Actually, maybe I do."

"One of those days huh?" She asks, sticking a cigarette in his mouth, and neatly lighting both of theirs up. Jaebum exhales the smoke upwards. He doesn't usually smoke, but today it seems right. 

They stand silently and smoke. Jaebum can hear an ocean of voices across the water. He feels like he's been out for too long. He misses Jackson, even though he only just saw him. He misses his mom, and Jinyoung, and maybe even Bambam and Yugyeom too, not that he'd ever admit it to them. 

"Do you miss home?" He asks. Sunmi is Korean too, but she went to school abroad. Beyond that, he doesn't know anything else about her. She exhales. 

"Not as much as I used to. I came here thinking it was going to be quick, that I would be back to London. But that never ended up happening." 

"Do you still want to go back?" She shrugs. 

"I'm not sure. I've made a life here now. And it's not that I don't love London, because I do, but I love Hong Kong too. And the people that work in this office are great too. I like them a lot." 

"They are really nice." Jaebum agrees. "A bit weird, but nice." She laughs loudly. 

"I can't say I disagree. But I found myself here, and I don't know if I can bring myself to leave now." She answers, more candid than Jaebum might have expected. "Maybe that's horrible advice to say to you, but it's how I feel. You meet people, you have a place. You go on dates." 

"Mhmm."

"I hear you have a girlfriend." 

"Something like that." He answers. 

"So you know what I meant then. Life just happens. You wind up staying somewhere you swore you wouldn't." She says with a shrug, and tosses her cigarette into the harbour. 

"But you're happy?"

"Don't ask me that today." Sunmi answers with a laugh. Jaebum doesn't know what to make of that. "Are you?"

"Yeah. I am." Jaebum says, thinking of how he wanted to hold Jackson's hand. 

"That's all that matters." Sunmi says, staring up into the sky. 

The sun looks infinite at this moment.


	7. i miss you but i haven't met you yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next part! I hope you enjoyyyy. Just when I think I've written my fave chapter, the next one tops it in my heart. 
> 
> Chapter title from I Miss You (Remix LP) BY Bjork.

The next day, Jackson is already waiting at the gate for Jaebum to show up. In a sunbeam, he looks ridiculously handsome. Or maybe he just looks like that all the time.

"Eager much? We just saw each other yesterday." Jaebum teases.

"I guess you could say we saw each other." Jackson replies lewdly, eyeing Jaebum up and down.

"Don't be gross." Jaebum says.

"Says the one who fucked me in a public bathroom." Jackson responds, and Jaebum feels himself blush. He can't even really believe they did that. He's usually not that kinky. There's just something about Jackson...

"You wanted it." Jaebum says back.

"Mmm. I did." Jackson says with a warm laugh. "I'm actually still a little sore." Jaebum doesn't know why hearing that sends a pang of satisfaction through him. 

"What did you want to do today?" Jaebum asks.

"Pool? I just got a table." Jackson asks, cocking his head to the side.

"Sure. I'm warning you though. I'm kind of amazing at it." Jaebum teases.

"Oh, I accept that challenge." Jackson says, and leads him to the rec room where there's a beautiful new pool table in the middle of the room.

Jaebum wins the first game. And the next. He's even ready to play another game, until Jackson crowds him against the pool table, kissing him senseless. And then Jackson's hands creep lower and lower, and he starts to push Jaebum into the table.

"I'm not having sex on the pool table." Jaebum says in warning, and Jackson actually looks slightly disappointed.

"What about in the pool?" Jackson asks, and Jaebum laughs before he just tugs Jackson towards the couch.

"Or we could do it here. And I could ride you." Jaebum says, and then leans in for a kiss. Jackson kisses back instantly.

"Mmm, that works for me." Jackson replies in a low voice. They wind up on the sofa, kissing fiercely. They only just saw each other yesterday, only just fucked the day before, but there's a sense of urgency between them that Jaebum can't explain.

Jackson pulls Jaebum's t-shirt off him, and Jaebum rucks down Jackson's slacks in retaliation. Jackson is already half-hard, and Jaebum has been hard since Jackson first pushed him into the pool table.

Jaebum pulls Jackson's cock out and pumps him lazily. Jackson puts his hands above his head, watching Jaebum with dark eyes. With his shirt still on, he looks thoroughly debauched.

"What was that about you riding me though?" Jackson asks.

"Wow. Demanding. Do you have any lube?" Jaebum asks. Jackson gestures his head towards the pocket of the pool table. "Jesus. Did you plan on fucking me on the pool table?"

"I did. But then you made me a better offer." Jackson says, hand snaking down to stroke himself.

Jaebum makes quick work of stripping off his pants and briefs. He feels oddly exposed in front of Jackson -- cock bobbing each time he moves, and nothing on, while Jackson still has his button-up on. He straddles Jackson again, adjusting himself until he's angled properly.

"What about preparing you?" Jackson asks, sounding breathless.

"I already..." Jaebum tapers off, feeling too shy to say that he'd fucked himself open on his fingers in the shower that morning before he came over. A wicked smile comes across Jackson's face.

"Fuck Jaebum. That's hot. Were you thinking about me?" Jaebum nods in response.

Jaebum lowers himself slowly, taking just the tip in initially. From this position, he feels like he has more control, but Jackson's cock also feels bigger, better. Jaebum feels like all his nerves are warming, feels himself tingling.

"Oh fuck!" Jackson all but yells. "Jesus. "

"I haven't even hardly done anything." He says, cocking his head.

"I'm not going to survive." Jackson mutters. "Fucking hell."

Jaebum works himself a little further, taking more of Jackson, and then a little more. And then he's all the way down, and he has to pull off. It feels good, to raise up and fuck himself back down on Jackson's cock.

His thighs start to burn, but he can see the appeal of the position. He feels sexy. And Jackson is staring up at him like he's never seen anything like the sight before. Which mustn't be true, because Jackson is rich, popular, and attractive enough that there's no way that no one has ridden him before. The whole thing seems strangely intimate. Jaebum hadn't foreseen that. He wouldn't have thought that before doing it. 

Jackson cums first, finishing with a groan, and Jaebum cums almost right after, cumming all over Jackson's shirt.

"Sorry." He says sheepishly, but Jackson just takes his shirt off and squashes Jaebum into a hug.

They don't do anything for the entire day beyond exchanging lazy kisses and eating food. Jaebum feels a sense of satisfaction come over him, and it isn't just from the orgasm. He's happy here. With Jackson. In a way that he hadn't thought possible.

His head had felt a little blurry after his strange day at the dragon boat races, but he feels better now. Jackson has a curious effect on him, and Jaebum is growing a little more attached than he probably should.

Jaebum finds himself dragging to leave at the end of the day. And Jackson seems to be feeling the same way, if the way they keep finding terrible excuses to kiss each other instead of parting is any indicator. Jaebum has no reason to stay, but he wants to anyways.

\--

His bed seems too large for him when he gets back to his apartment. The bustling streets of Central that are visible from his window seem too far away. For all the people in Hong Kong, there's only one person that Jaebum wants to be there.

\--

On Monday, Jaebum has a shit day at work. First thing in the morning he gets called into Nichkhun's office to get the information for a client that the Tokyo office was covering, who happens to be in town and wants to meet.

Jaebum meets the client in his office with a fresh pot of tea and everything.

"Who the fuck are you?" The client asks as soon as he walks in. He's a thin American with sweat stains on the front of his shirt.

"I'm Im Jaebum. I was appointed to go over your file with you en lieu of your usual banker in London. "Jaebum explains, already feeling on edge.

"Oh good. So you're a temp, and you get to explain to me why my investments are going in the shitter."

"Excuse me?" Jaebum asks. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about the rumours that Indonesia's going under soon. I need you to dump those right now." The man replies, turning slighty red.

"I'm sorry sir. I can't make any adjustments to your account. This is only a meeting to review the performance of your inv-"

"Are you fucking with me right now?" He all but yells, interrupting Jaebum.

"No. I'm not. This was an investment that wasn't made by me. I can't do anything about it."

"I don't give a shit that you didn't do it. You need to fix it!" The American shouts, jabbing a finger towards Jaebum.

"I will. I will." Jaebum promises, even bowing slightly.

"You fucking better or I'm leaving this bank! And do you know how much money my account contributes? You clearly don't or else you wouldn't have fucked this up!" There's spit flying out of the man's mouth as he says this, he's so angry.

"Don't worry. I'll call your account manager and get this sorted first thing tomorrow." Jaebum says. It's too late in the day now, the London office is closed due to the time difference.

"You're being a smartass? That isn't going to get you anywhere!"

"I'm going to get this dealt with as soon as possible."

"I'm going to pull my account just because of you!" The man hisses. Jaebum takes a deep breath.

"There's no need to act so hastily. There's nothing wrong. We're going to resolve this problem." He replies slowly, trying to talk the man down a little.

"Nothing wrong? Are you fucking stupid? There's everything wrong! Actually, do you know what? I'm done. This meeting was a terrible idea." The man mutters, and storms out, slamming Jaebum's office door behind him.

"What's going on?" Yubin asks when Jaebum surfaces. "Who was that?"

"The London client Nichkhun gave me." Jaebum replies numbly. "He isn't happy with his account right now, and he wanted me to fix it, but I can't. I was just supposed to do an account review."

"Asshole." Yubin says. "Aish."

Jaebum can't even muster up the energy to agree with her. He feels zapped. Outside his office window, the sky seems covered with clouds suddenly, and Jaebum's mood seems to match.

\--

He goes through the rest of the day feeling off. Nichkhun had trusted him enough to assign him with this account, and he'd managed to piss the client off enough to actually want to pull his whole account. Nichkhun hadn't said much when Jaebum explained the whole situation to him, which did nothing much to reassure Jaebum.

He doesn't even understand the client's concerns. It's a good time to be investing, he thinks. The growing markets in Korea, Malaysia, and Singapore alone would be good, but then add Japan's dominance, Thailand's tourist boom, and India's rapidly growing outsourcing industries into the mix, and it would please even the most exacting investor.

Jaebum misses Jackson. He wishes he could see Jackson. Jackson would make him feel better.

And then the thought strikes him -- he can possibly see Jackson.

So after work, he hails a cab out to Jackson's house instead of walking home. It's raining now, and the clouds overhead look even more threatening than they did earlier. Jaebum wonders if he's managed to miss a cyclone warning or something.

\--

"Jaebum? Were we supposed to hang out today? Did I forget?" Jackson asks, looking confused when Jaebum rings the bell at the gate. He's soggy from the rain by now, and he feels like he could cry.

"No. I just thought I'd stop by." Jaebum replies, and even though he'd tried to feign his usual self, there must be something in his voice, because Jackson buzzes him in right away.

"Hey, come on in." Jackson says when he opens the door. "What's wrong? You look a mess." He asks, looking concerned.

"I had a bad day." Jaebum replies simply, willing himself not to cry or something equally embarrassing. He didn't come here so that Jackson could see him cry.  
  
"Can I ask what happened?" Jackson asks softly.

"A client yelled at me. And he isn't even my client." Outside the window, the rain comes down harder, almost in a sideways sheet.

"Oh Jaebum." Jackson says sympathetically. "That's shit."

"And my boss didn't even really back me up afterwards. I don't know what's going to happen. He might pull his account."

"He sounds like an asshole."

"It doesn't matter. Not when he has an account that large." Jaebum says. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and then back again. The wind seems to howl louder, adding to his unease.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Jackson asks.

"I'm not the biggest fan of thunderstorms." Jaebum admits, watching the fronds of a palm tree whip manically around in the wind. It seems that everything today has led up to this moment -- the weather, his client, his own feelings.

"Hmm." Jackson says, appearing deep in thought. "I could distract you?"

"I'm fine." Jaebum assures him. "I just get a little anxious."

"Then I'll help you de-stress." Jackson replies, and grabs Jaebum's hand to tug him towards his room. Unlike what Jaebum had been expecting however, Jackson leads them into the bathroom.

"What are we doing here?" Jaebum asks.

"You're having a bath." Jackson responds. "The only cure for a bad day."

"A bath?"

"Of course."

"But-"

"No buts, you stay here, and climb in when the tub is full. I'll be right back." Jackson instructs before he leaves.

Jaebum strips his damp work clothes off and sinks into the water once the tub is halfway full, feeling himself relax a little bit. Jackson must've put some kind of pleasant smelling oils in the water, and the bubbles make him feel even more like a child. He can't say that he hates the feeling though. It's nice to have someone take care of him, he thinks, even if it wasn't really what he expected. He'd been thinking that Jackson could fuck him until he forgot all about work -- that's the kind of agreement that they have with each other. Not running baths.

He dunks his head below the surface, letting the sounds of the storm fade away. His thoughts, which had previously felt hazy and unclear, now seem lucid and evident.

"Jaebum?" He hears from somewhere above water, and surfaces to find Jackson back in the bathroom, holding a mug.

"Yes?" He says, rubbing the water off his face.

Jackson hands him a cup of some kind of herbal smelling tea. Jaebum sniffs it hesitantly.

"Drink it. It's good for you." Jackson says. "Even if it smells funny."

"Should I ask what's in this?" Jaebum asks, but Jackson just shakes his head. "Other people usually offer alcohol."

"You should've gone to someone else then." Jackson replies cheekily. "But you're stuck with me." Somehow, Jaebum doesn't find it a terrible thing to be stuck with Jackson. Not at all.

"Are you going to get in?" Jaebum asks.

"I thought it would be nice for you to have a bath. It always calms me down." Jackson explains with a soft smile.

Jaebum doesn't think he's had a bath since he was a boy.

"So you're not going to get in?"

"No. I thought I'd give you some time to yourself."

"You can stay. If you want." Jaebum blurts out. "And just be here, with me."

"If you want me to." Jackson says tentatively.

"If you don't mind. If you have nothing else to do."

"I don't." Jackson says. "But you might be discovering that I often have time for you." He adds with a bit of a wry smile. Jaebum isn't sure what to make of it.

So Jackson stays. He hops up on the bathroom counter and sits cross-legged while Jaebum lies in the bath. They don't even say much really -- but the silence is heavy and comfortable. There isn't the promise of sex to come, but rather the promise of companionship.

"Mmm you should never wear clothes." Jackson says when Jaebum sits up in the bath, openly checking him out. Jaebum just rolls his eyes.

"How many times have you seen me naked now?"

"Not enough." Jackson fake-grumbles, eyes twinkling at Jaebum. There isn't an air of sexual tension between them necessarily, but rather a comfortable ease.

"You look younger with your hair like that." Jackson says, pointing his head towards Jaebum's damp hair.

"Is that good?" Jaebum asks, running a towel through his hair.

"Yeah. Makes you look like you belong here with me." Jackson responds unexpectedly. "It's something lovers see from each other. Or something." _Are we lovers?_ Jaebum wants to ask. He holds back his question.

"I show all my lovers my wet hair." He says instead and Jackson laughs.

"Of course. All six of them?"

"Duh."

\--

By the time they get out of the bathroom, the storm seems to have lessened, going from a downpour to a steady amount of rain. Jaebum is wrapped in one of Jackson's robes, and he feels infinitely better.

"Ready for bed?" Jackson asks.

"Am I spending the night?"

"It's too late for you to get a cab back into Central. It's probably easier for you just to stay the night."

"But my clothes-"

"Borrow some of mine." Jackson says. "I told you I love it when you wear my clothes." It's the closest thing to possessive that Jackson has ever been around him, and Jaebum finds it sexier than he would've thought.

"Okay." He agrees, biting his lip.

"Come on. Let's sleep, you've had a long day." Jackson says.

They lie down beside each other -- Jackson in silky pajama pants, and Jaebum in boxers. Jackson falls asleep immediately, but Jaebum isn't there yet himself. He just can't sleep, despite his tiredness.

Beside him Jackson seems oddly small. Jaebum has never perceived him as being particularly small, even though Jackson is shorter than him.

It isn't even his reputation that makes him seem larger than he is, because Jaebum thought that before he even knew who Jackson really was. It's Jackson's personality that makes him seem bigger. The way Jackson takes up all the space in the room. The way he does the same in Jaebum's head.

Jaebum pulls the sheets up a little higher on Jackson's body, covering him up from the blasting air conditioning.

He tosses and turns for forty more minutes until he gives up. He can't sleep, even with Jackson beside him. Jaebum swings his legs off the bed, and gets up.

He steps out onto the balcony, feet wet with the rain that had collected on the tile.

The cicadas in the trees around them are chirping now that the rain has stopped. Faintly, Jaebum can hear the ocean below him. It's still hot as hell despite the storm, but the humidity feels almost comforting against Jaebum's skin.

He leans against the railing of the balcony, and looks out past the trees towards the ocean. The water seems oddly still. The petrichor in the air seems almost too thick. Jaebum feels fucking exhausted all of a sudden.

There's a sudden shuffling noise behind him, and Jaebum looks over to see Jackson leaning in the open sliding door, still wrapped in a sheet. He looks ridiculous, but yet Jaebum has never seen a sight better than this.

"What're you doing?" Jackson asks in a sleepy voice. He sounds adorable, Jaebum thinks.

"Couldn't sleep." He answers honestly.

"So you came out here?" Jackson asks. "Come back to bed." He adds, and Jaebum can see a slight pout on his face.

"I will." Jaebum agrees, trying to ignore how domestic that sounds. He watches Jackson disappear back inside, and takes one last look at the view. It's so different from his view, from his apartment. He feels infinitely less lonely here, even though he can't see any other person. 

He can't resist — before letting Jackson lock the door, he presses Jackson into it, sliding a thigh between his legs and kissing him hard.

"What was that for?" Jackson asks when they're back in bed. Jaebum turns his head to look at Jackson.

"What was?" He asks.

"That kiss." Jackson clarifies.

"Because I felt like it."

"Oh. Because you felt like it." Jackson parrots quietly. "What if I feel like doing this?" He asks, and straddles Jaebum's waist.

"Then do it." Jaebum says, rolling his hips toward Jackson. They half-heartedly grind against each other until Jackson gets off him.

"I'm tired." Jackson says with a yawn. "Can this wait?"

"Always." Jaebum says, realizing as he says it that what he said isn't true. He doesn't have always with Jackson. He really only has a little longer. And that thought doesn't sit well with him at all.

"Goodnight." He whispers, stroking Jackson's arm softly.

"Night." Jackson says back, eyes already closed.

Jaebum falls asleep right away this time.

—

The next morning, Jackson dresses Jaebum meticulously.

"If only everyone knew you were mine." Jackson says, eyeing his work.

"They'll just think I've upgraded my style." Jaebum replies.

"A shame. With a body like that..." Jackson tapers off. "I wish I could take these off you with my teeth." Jackson says with dark eyes. "But you should probably get going."

The weather is muggy as hell from the storm the night before. Jaebum feels his clothes stick to him as he walks into work from the road where his cab had dropped him off. The niceness of the night before is lost as soon as the sun starts shining on the streets, making everything feel hotter than it really is.

\--

"New suit?" Taecyeon asks when Jaebum comes in. "Looks good."

"Thanks. I thought I'd treat myself." Jaebum fibs.

—

"Do you want me to drop your clothes off after work?" Jaebum asks Jackson over the phone that afternoon.

"You can drop them on my bedroom floor." Jackson replies in the sleaziest voice possible.

"Oh my god." Jaebum groans, even if he isn't necessarily opposed to the idea. Actually, he's very unopposed to that idea...

"I'm busy today. But tomorrow?" Jackson replies.

"Oh, yeah, of course." Jaebum answers quickly. It's the first time that Jackson has said no to hanging out with him. It's normal though, he thinks, ignoring the slight sting. Jackson has his own life.

"I'll see you then?" Jackson asks.

"Yeah. You will." Jaebum confirms. "And if you're lucky you can-"

"Jaebum?" Nichkhun asks, his head suddenly popping through the door, interrupting Jaebum's thought of Jackson stripping his own suit off Jaebum.

"I have to go." He says and hangs up the phone quickly. "Yes? Sorry, I was on the phone with a friend."

"No I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch break." Nichkhun says. "I have a favour to ask you."

—

So Jaebum finds himself standing in the lobby of Lehman Brothers thirty minutes later, file in hand to give to someone. He doesn't even really know what's in it, just knows that Nichkhun said it was important.

He peers through the glass to see if the people coming out of the door are the person that he's looking for. 

Unexpectedly though, it's Jackson walking out. Jaebum covertly shuffles behind the column beside him so that Jackson can't see him. He doesn't know why -- it's not like he's here doing anything embarrassing. Jaebum peeks out from behind the column, and finds that Jackson isn't alone. He's with a beautiful woman in a chic dress and sky-high heels. She looks like the type of woman that Jackson would be seen with.

The woman is leaning slightly towards Jackson with a smile on her face, and Jaebum feels a wave of jealousy come over him. He has no reason to be jealous. He and Jackson are... what are they? Jaebum isn't sure. Fucking doesn't seem like an accurate descriptor. They don't just have sex.

He watches Jackson walk out the front door with the woman, and on the way she grabs his arm. It's like she's staking a claim or something, Jaebum thinks, heart clenching slightly. He has no reason to feel like this, but yet here he is.

He doesn't know how to even broach the topic with Jackson, or if he even should. He doesn't have any hold on Jackson, not really. But he's coming to realize that he maybe wants to. More than maybe really. He doesn't want anyone else flirting with Jackson. He doesn't want anyone else sleeping with Jackson. He wants to be the only one.

\--

Jaebum finds it difficult to focus for the rest of the day after he drops the file off -- wondering who the woman was, who she is to Jackson. He knows that Jackson has lots of friends, that he has no obligation to tell Jaebum what he does, and who he spends his time with. So why then, is Jaebum stewing in his office over this?

\--

The next time he sees Jackson turns out to be the next evening. Jaebum brings the suit and laundered shirt over to Jackson's house after he finishes at work.

"Did you get any compliments?" Jackson asks eagerly.

"A few." Jaebum answers. "Maybe I should dress like you more often."

"Maybe you should." Jackson says. "Do you mind if I step out for a smoke?"

"No, go ahead."

"You should come too." Jackson replies, grabbing Jaebum's hand to tug him out to the balcony too.

Jackson looks oddly tired today, Jaebum thinks, and a little older.

"I ran into someone I used to know yesterday." Jackson says. "And it reminded me of how I used to be."

"How you used to be?"

"Mhmm." Jackson says, not adding anything further. "I feel weird today. Sorry."

"No need to apologize." Jaebum replies. "It's just me."

"You're probably the only person in this city who doesn't think of me the way that I am."

"And how's that?"

"A spoiled heir. A brat."

"What? No." Jaebum says, thinking about what Nichkhun had told him .

"Yeah right." Jackson says with a soft snort, resting his forearms on the railing. "I know what people say about me, that I'm nothing but a party boy."

"They don't." Jaebum responds quickly.

"They do. It doesn't matter what I do or don't do, I'll always just be a silly kid."

"I think you're serious." Jaebum says.

"About what? We spend all our time together fucking." Jackson says bitterly. He doesn't seem angry at Jaebum though, but rather bitter in general.

"Then tell me about you." Jaebum says simply. "Tell me what goes on in your head." Jackson eyes him funnily.

"I don't know." Jackson says. "All I do is party."

"No you don't. You know how to play mah jong. You know where all the good restaurants are."

"So does everyone else in Hong Kong. I'm just rich. There's nothing useful about me."

"You're being too hard on yourself."

"That's easy for you to say. You have your life together."

"Me? Hardly." Jaebum scoffs.

"You have a job that your parents didn't get for you. You got promoted to an overseas position. You live alone successfully."

"It's not-"

"Don't say that it's not a big deal. Because it is." Jackson says, and Jaebum stays silent.

"And we didn't fuck the other night. When I came over." Jaebum says. "We do other things."

"I guess so." Jackson replies. "I just feel like I don't do much."

"Are you happy though? In your life?" Jaebum asks.

"I think I am." Jackson says, and it seems like he means it. Jaebum can't stop himself. He presses a kiss to Jackson's nicotine-tinged lips, but this kiss feels different somehow. It's lighter, more of a way of communication than pure sexual contact. Jackson shivers slightly at the touch.

"Cold?" Jaebum asks.

"No." Jackson replies. "It's nothing."

It doesn't really seem like nothing, Jaebum thinks, but he doesn't know what else to say.

\--

"Do you have any meetings in the next two hours?" Nichkhun asks at work the next morning, and Jaebum scans his daybook.

"No. I'm free." He answers.

"Good. Sunmi and I are going for dim sum at eleven. You're coming with." Nichkhun says, which means that there isn't any room for negotiations.

\--

"I felt bad about dragging you out from your work so I forced Sunmi out too." Nichkhun explains when they get to the restaurant.

"Right. Thank you so much." Sunmi says sarcastically.

"You're welcome." Nichkhun replies seriously.

"Is this for anything in particular?" Jaebum asks.

"No. Just wanted to catch up. I heard you had a bad day at work the other day." Jaebum nods.

"We all have them." Sunmi adds, hailing one of the dim sum cart ladies over for pork siumaai.

"Junho called me yesterday." Nichkhun says. "Wanted to ask how you're doing." Beside him, Sunmi stiffens oddly.

"Oh. Did he?"

"Yeah. I told him that you were busy, but doing well."

"You didn't mention my-"

"No. I didn't think it was important enough." Nichkhun interrupts. "Everyone has shitheads for clients. It's kind of a part of our job."

"It still fucking sucks though." Sunmi says. "So don't think that you should just brush it off."

"I won't." Jaebum replies.

"We take care of our own." Nichkhun says. "You did a good job. You did exactly what you were supposed to do."

"I tried. It's just hard when you have someone yelling at you." Jaebum responds. "I shouldn't have snapped at him."

"You lasted longer than I would've. I would've shouted right back." Sunmi says, eating her fèng zhua far more tidily than Jaebum has ever seen anyone eat chicken feet. He feels a strange feeling of fondness come over him at the two of them. He's found a strange little group of co-workers here in Hong Kong.

"You did well, is what she's trying to say." Nichkhun adds, smiling at Jaebum. "That's what I'm trying to say too. You could do well for yourself here, if you wanted to stay."

"Stay?"

"I haven't spoken about it with Junho. But just off the record, if you wanted to, you could stay here."

"Like for another term?"

"Like for however long you wanted." Nichkhun adds, waving for another order of har gow. Like it's no big deal and Jaebum's heart hasn't just dropped in his stomach. Staying on would mean more time here. More time with Jackson. Jaebum feels his stomach flutter just at the thought.

"I'd have to think about it." He says.

"Of course." Sunmi says. "It's like I was telling you the other day. You can't bring yourself to leave."

Jaebum can't even tell her how right she is.


	8. as i lie here somewhere in limbo land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next part. This really is THAT chapter. Like this is my favourite chapter :D
> 
> I'm still astounded by the comments I got on the last chapter. I really wasn't expecting this kind of a response when I started writing this fic. I didn't think anyone was going to read it. So I want to say a huge thank you to everyone reading and commenting. This fic has been in the works for a long long time. 
> 
> Heed the homophobia tag here. 
> 
> Chapter title from "Kinky Love" by Pale Saints. 
> 
> Some songs for this chapter (aka some songs for being in love on the South China Sea):  
> Lounge - Esthero  
> Wicked Game - Chris Isaak  
> Passport Radio - Broken Social Scene

  
Nichkhun's offer runs through Jaebum's head all day.

The offer to stay on is tempting. More than tempting, if Jaebum is being honest.

He likes his work. He likes the people he works with. He likes Hong Kong. And most of all, he likes Jackson.

Perhaps it's too bold of him to assume that he can stay here with Jackson, that their connection is more than just fleeting. But there's a part of Jaebum that knows it feels right. That wants to try and see what happens.

His parents wouldn't be the happiest if he decided to stay. But they could adapt. Jinyoung seems a little bit more unpredictable. He'd be the most unhappy if Jaebum decided to stay in Hong Kong. They've been best friends for ages. They lived together for a while even, when they first moved to Seoul. They live in the same neighbourhood now. They're going to be each other's best men when they get married.

And it's all Jackson Wang that has him rethinking every plan he'd assumed to be set. It isn't as if he doesn't value Jinyoung's friendship, it's just that there's that flicker of possibility. The possibility of the rest of his life with Jackson. Maybe it's all in his head, maybe he's getting ahead of himself, but Jaebum can't help but feel a little excited.

He'd be able to see Jackson every day until Jackson grew tired of him. Of them. It brings more influence to his decision whether to accept Nichkhun's decision or not.

Nichkhun didn't give him a deadline to accept the offer, or any formal contract in general really. So Jaebum figures that he should think some more, and tell Nichkhun his answer. Even if he has a hunch what his answer will be.

  
\--

Jaebum calls his mother later that night.

"Is everything okay?" She asks as soon as he calls.

"You told me to call more." He reminds her. "Nothing's wrong."

"I just worry." She says.

"Hey Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I've been offered a contract extension here in Hong Kong, and I wanted to know what you think." He says carefully, waiting for his mother to start yelling.

"If you're asking me that must mean that you're thinking about it." She says, sounding far less angry than he'd anticipated.

"I am." He says. "It would be a good thing for me I think."

"You have someone there that means something to you." His mother replies. "At work?"

"Uh, no. Outside of work." He coughs out.

"Hmm." She says. "Can your father and I meet her?"

"Um." He says. "It's pretty early days yet."

"Not so early if you're considering staying on to be close to them." She isn't wrong, Jaebum thinks.

"I just... I need to make sure that this is for real." He says.

"So you want to stay for something that might not even be real?" His mother asks, somewhat critically.

"No. It's not that. I just... Let me talk to them before they meet you." He says quickly. He's digging himself into a hole here, he realizes. His mother thinks he's dating a woman, and wants to meet her, and Jaebum is decidedly not dating a woman. He probably should've spoken to Jackson about this before even calling his mom.

"I just hope you know what you're doing." She says, but surprisingly she doesn't sound angry or condescending. She sounds sympathetic.

"I'm trying to." He confesses. He is. "I guess I'll let you know then?"

"We'll come visit you if you decide to stay." His mother says pragmatically. "Chuseok is in September."

"A visit could be arranged." Jaebum agrees. "Thanks Mom."

"I hardly said anything though."

"I know. But thank you anyways."

His mother sighs heavily.

"I love you sweetheart." She says. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am." He says in response. "Or, I'm trying hard to be."

"You're happier there than you were here. I can hear it in your voice."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

\--

Jaebum's conversation with his mother puts things in perspective. He is happier here. Work is more fulfilling, but more than anything, he's sure that it's Jackson that's making him so happy. His life is just more complete, more everything with Jackson around.

He'd be a fool not to try and stay on, to hold onto the happiness that he has.

\--

He's at lunch with Jackson the next day when things change a little bit, and Jaebum isn't sure if it's for the better or the worse.

Jaebum had told everyone he was going to lunch alone, and met up with Jackson at a restaurant that Jackson recommended. It's nice, he thinks, to be able to get a dose of Jackson in the middle of the day like this.

The man looks remarkably like Taecyeon from work. Jaebum takes a closer look.

It's definitely Taecyeon looking over at them.

Jaebum swears that his blood runs cold. He tries his hardest not to jerk away from Jackson, he'd think that would seem more obvious than just continuing to act like how he has. He tries to think about their circumstances from the perspective of an outsider: he and Jackson Wang are having lunch together. They're sitting close together but not closer together than is necessarily inappropriate or reveals any kind of deeper relationship. He should be okay.

He peeps at Taecyeon again, who's still staring at them, but he hasn't moved. Jaebum forces his gaze back onto Jackson but he isn't paying to a word that Jackson is saying.

When he dares to look over again after a few more agonizing minutes, Taecyeon is gone. For a terrifying moment, he wonders if Taecyeon is going to approach them. But he waits a few seconds, and a few more. And then he looks around covertly, and it's clear that Taecyeon has left.

Jaebum exhales a sigh of relief. He truly hadn't expected to see anyone from work at the restaurant. And in terms of being close to his coworkers, he's probably the least close to Taecyeon. It just means that the variable is unknown -- Jaebum really doesn't know if Taecyeon would bring it up at work or not. It's not as if they regularly talk about what they do outside of work, but that was before Taecyeon saw him with Jackson Wang.

"But you'll come right?" Jackson asks, forcing Jaebum to pay attention to their conversation.

"Hmm?"

"To my party? You'll come?"

"Of course I will." Jaebum assures him.

"Good." Jackson answers with a grin. "It isn't fun until you're there."

"You're ridiculous." Jaebum replies, grinning back. "You're the most outgoing person I know."

"No. I'm serious." Jackson says, and Jaebum feels himself flush. "And Mark will be there. Ah, my two closest friends!" Jackson says. "Well... I'm not sleeping with Mark."

"I should hope not." Jaebum says, and it isn't until he's said it that he realizes the conversation he's just started. Jackson's eyebrows go up to his hairline, and Jaebum hastily shuts his mouth.

"Do you?" Jackson asks. "Because I really haven't been fucking anyone else. Have you?"

"No." Jaebum says

"Then we're sorted." Jackson replies with a tone of finality. Jaebum doesn't know how to respond. Did Jackson just declare them official? Is that what just happened?

"Oh. Okay."

"You're overthinking Jaebum." Jackson says, eyes directed right at Jaebum's. "Stop that."

"I'm not." Jaebum grumbles. Jackson touches his shoe to Jaebum's.

"You are. And you don't need to." He says, cocking his head upwards. He's trying to reassure Jaebum, but of what?

"Let's eat." Jaebum says, picking up his chopsticks quickly and shovelling some food into his mouth.

\--

He's in the bathroom at work after lunch when Taecyeon comes in and locks the door behind him. That should have been his first warning, Jaebum thinks later.

Taecyeon comes over to lean against the counter, and waits for Jaebum to finish peeing.

"Was that Jackson Wang I saw you with at lunch?" Taecyeon asks nonchalantly, and Jaebum freezes. Does he lie? Does he tell the truth? He really isn't sure what the right answer is to Taecyeon's question.

"Yes." He confirms. "We ran into each other at that restaurant and he recognized me, so he came to say hello."

"So you weren't having lunch together then." Taecyeon says in a weird voice.

"No. Well, kind of. He sat down with me." Jaebum answers. He thinks he's doing an okay job of being convincing.

"Hmm. Okay. I was just curious. Jackson Wang is a little famous."

"I've heard." Jaebum replies.

"I've never spoken to him personally. But I've heard that he's nice."

"Mhmm." Jaebum answers.

"So, you're like friends?"

"We've met here and there. He was at our company dragon boat race thing." Jaebum says, and it isn't a lie.

"Oh! I think Nichkhun was telling me that." Taecyeon says, a look of realization on his face. "Oh. I guess you just know him through other stuff."

"Yeah. Sorry to disappoint."

"You know he's... Never mind." Taecyeon says slowly, stopping himself.

"He's what?" Jaebum asks, curiousity piqued.

"I've heard he likes men." Taecyeon replies, face curling into a sneer, and Jaebum blinks.

"Oh." He replies, trying to sound surprised.

"I guess you haven't heard yet. I always forget you're new to Hong Kong. " Taecyeon adds, and Jaebum smiles and nods, unsure what else to do. "Well. Good chat. Just wanted to know. I should get back to work."

"I'll see you later." Jaebum says, watching Taecyeon turn to unlock the door and leave.

"See you. And Jaebum? Just be careful of Jackson. He's a homo, and god knows what he would do if he had the chance." He says before he leaves. It was clearly meant to be a warning and Jaebum feels disgusted.

"Mhmm." Jaebum replies, heart pounding in his chest. He can't believe that one of his coworkers actually approached him about Jackson. He can't believe that one of his coworkers saw him with Jackson.

\--

Jackson's party approaches before Jaebum even knows it. He's oddly nervous. His encounter with Taecyeon threw him off. Even though he really did have a plausible excuse for being seen with Jackson, there's something about the threat of being discovered that makes Jaebum apprehensive.

Do other people know? Has anyone else seen them together and Jaebum just hasn't noticed? He isn't sure. He isn't even sure if he cares.

\--

He leaves for Jackson's house right after work and finds it already full of people. And he can't even find Jackson anywhere.

"Hey." Mark says, tapping Jaebum lightly on the shoulder. He seems even more handsome than the last time Jaebum saw him, cheekbones and nose striking.

"Hey." He greets back. "Jackson is so excited you could make it."

"Have you seen him?" Jaebum asks. Mark grimaces.

"He's around. I can't keep track of him at these things." Mark says.

"Oh, okay. I'm sure I'll run into him somewhere along the way."

"You will. Oh, and Jaebum?" Mark asks, and Jaebum turns from scanning the crowd for Jackson to look at Mark, who's looking at him directly.

"Hmm?" He replies.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Mark says, voice too casual. It's too light. He must want to talk to Jaebum about something serious.

"Of course." Jaebum replies. "Should we go somewhere a little more quiet?"

He lets Mark lead them to a quiet part of the veranda where miraculously there's no one else around.

"So." He says, hiding a gulp.

"Jackson likes you a lot." Mark says slowly, clearly getting right to the point.

"He does?" Jaebum asks, even though it's hardly news to him. Still, hearing confirmation is always nice. Especially from Jackson's best friend.

"Yeah. He doesn't usually like people the way he likes you." Jaebum doesn't know how to respond to that. Is it good? Bad? "So be careful." Mark adds, and it seems a little like a warning.

"Be careful about what?"

"His heart." Mark explains. "God knows it's probably already yours." Jaebum finds himself flushing at the words. Something has shifted between them. Something important. Jaebum doesn't know if it stems from when he went over to Jackson's house after his bad day, or their conversation when Jackson revealed his insecurities. But something has changed.

It's gone past physical to something completely different.

The physicality of their relationship is still there, but Jaebum feels that something less tangible but simultaneously more concrete has been put in place.

Where their hands would've been, is now a web of feelings. He feels tied to Jackson in ways that go beyond desire. And even though he hasn't had this conversation with Jackson, Jaebum has the sense that Jackson feels the same way.

"I'll be careful." Jaebum promises. "I don't want to hurt him."

"I know you don't want to. But it could be something you do without even thinking." Mark says. "You're here for only a little while right?"

"Yes." Jaebum says. "But I'm looking at a contract extension to stay on for a little longer." This catches Mark's attention.

"You are?"

"Yeah. I've been offered a position to stay on longer."

"You should take it." Mark replies. "I'm fully aware that I'm overstepping here." Jaebum quirks a smile.

"You are overstepping. But I understand where you're coming from."

"I like you." Mark says. "I'm worried, but I like you Jaebum."

"Thank you? I think?" Jaebum responds with a nervous laugh.

"You're welcome, I think." Mark says. "Come on, let's get some drinks."

Jaebum winds up spending the rest of the evening with Mark, being introduced to a seemingly endless amount of people. It appears that half of the city has been squeezed into Jackson's house. It's crazy, but yet it seems like everyone really knows Jackson. Maybe it's the first time that it's hit him really how many people know Jackson.

It makes sense that he's well-connected, but Jaebum hadn't realised truly how well-connected Jackson is. Most of the times that they see each other, they're alone. In this context, Jaebum feels simultaneously intimately connected to Jackson and rather distanced. He knows that he isn't just a person in a crowd to Jackson, but in this circumstance he is.

After a few hours have passed, he finally sees Jackson for the first time.

"Jaebum!" He hears yelled, and he turns to see Jackson speed walking towards him and Mark, cutting through the crowd to get to them .

"Hey." He greets simply. "I've been looking for you."

"Sorry, I got caught up in talking to people." Jackson says.

"It's no worries." Jaebum replies.

"Hey, I'm headed off." Mark says to Jackson. "Talk to you later?"

"Of course! Thanks for coming!" Jackson says. "It's been forever!"

"Whose fault is that?" Mark teases light-heartedly.

"Mine." Jackson answers instantly, elbowing Jaebum. "Sorry."

"I'm joking." Mark say. "We'll catch up." He adds, and he and Jackson smile at each other.

"Hey, I should go say goodbye to Sammi. I'll be back in a second." Jackson says, patting Jaebum's shoulder on his way past.

"I'll probably see you around, won't I?" Mark says to Jaebum, cocking his head to the side.

"I'll see you." Jaebum echoes. There's a good chance that he will. If Mark is Jackson's best friend, and Jaebum is... whatever he is to Jackson.

"Cool. We should have dinner sometime." Mark replies, and Jaebum isn't quite sure if that's a threat or not.

"We should. I'll ask Jackson for your phone number." He says in response.

"Hey. You should stick around." Jackson whispers in his ear. "Everyone's leaving now, but you should stay."

"Okay."

So Jaebum stays after everyone else has left. It's late, later than Jaebum should be up on a Friday night after working all week, but yet he doesn't really care. If Jackson wants him to be there, then Jaebum will be there.

They wind up on the empty verandah. It feels strange for it to be empty of people, Jaebum thinks.

"Do you want?" Jackson asks, holding an unlit blunt out.

"Yeah." Jaebum replies, even though he probably shouldn't. Jackson lights up, and passes it to Jaebum first. Jaebum takes a hit, and settles back, feeling his tiredness hit him, but not feeling sleepy yet. He passes the blunt to Jackson.

"Thanks." Jackson says. "And thanks for coming and putting up with me being an annoying social butterfly."

"It's no problem." Jaebum responds. "I'm happy to mingle. I got to know Mark a little better." Jackson groans, and takes two hits.

"God. He didn't threaten you did he?"

"No. He didn't." Jaebum answers, trying not to giggle.

"Oh thank god." Jackson says. "He's protective... Ever since..."

"You don't have to tell me." Jaebum says.

"I want to." Jackson says though. "Ever since my ex. He wasn't the best for me, and he really fucked me up."

"Was that a long time ago?"

"It was last year. We broke up on Lunar New Year."

"That's shitty." Jaebum says.

"It is. I don't... I've never dated anyone." Jackson says, and he seems nervous to admit that.

"That's okay." Jaebum says, trying to reassure Jackson. "You can just take things at your own pace."

"That's exactly what my parents always say." Jackson says, blowing a ring of smoke out.

"They're smart then." Jaebum replies. "But it's always just you here? In this house"

"Yeah."

"Do you ever get lonely out here by yourself?" Jaebum finds himself asking. He's never pictured Jackson as someone who would spend a lot of time by himself. Jackson always seems to be most in his element around other people.

"Not really. If I do I can go to my parents' house on Victoria Peak. But it's pretentious as fuck in that neighbourhood and I like privacy from my parents. From everyone really. I love to be alone, it's so rare for me."

"I wouldn't have seen you like that." Jaebum responds, tongue loose from the marijuana.

"So I've heard. You can' t believe the rumors." Jackson says with a laugh. "Yes. It's true. I love being alone, I just hardly ever have the opportunity."

"Speaking of rumors... Someone at work told you were rumored to be gay." Jaebum says, but Jackson doesn't even really respond.

"They'd be correct." Jackson replies finally, with a slight laugh. "They talked to you about that?"

"Yeah. They saw us together at that restaurant on Tuesday."

"Oh." Jackson says. "Are you okay with that? We don't have to-"

"Stop. You're not a secret." Jaebum interrupts. "I'm not ashamed of you." He adds, tongue feeling heavy in his mouth.

"Good. Because I'm not ashamed of you either." Jackson says firmly. Jaebum reaches out and pulls an arm around Jackson.

"Do your parents know that you're, uh..." Jaebum tapers off, a blush coming over his face. If he were sober he wouldn't dare to ask.

"Gay? Probably. I've never been particularly quiet about it."

"So they're okay with it?"

"It's more of a 'they don't ask about it' and 'I don't say anything' situation. They'll probably want me to get married and have kids at some point." Jackson says, like he's talking about what he ate for lunch, and not his future.

"But-"

"Jaebum. It's not that I don't want to talk about this. But I don't want to talk about this." Jackson says and Jaebum swallows his disappointment.

"Okay. Sorry."

"It's nothing to do with you. It's just dumb family shit." Jackson says with a sigh, leaning further into Jaebum's arms. Jaebum tightens his hold on Jackson.

"I haven't told my parents. And they'd never even guess." Jaebum whispers.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've never even kissed a guy before I kissed you." He confesses, and Jackson stiffens slightly.

"This isn't like an experiment for you, is it?" Jackson asks, feeling like he's ready to bolt.

"No! No. It isn't. I promise."

"Good. Because I don't think I could handle it if it was." Jackson replies.

"Hey Jackson?"

"Hmm?"

"Are we... together?" Jaebum asks quickly, heartrate speeding up, ready for rejection. Jackson is going to say no-

"If you want us to be. I want us to be." Jackson answers simply.

"I want us to be too." Jaebum replies quickly, feeling his heart pound.

"Someday I want you to meet my parents."

"Really?"

"They can still understand that you're someone important to me." Jackson says. "Even if they pretend I'm not gay, they still want to know who's making me happy." Jaebum's heart just about leaps out of his chest at Jackson's words.

"Really?" He asks again.

"Really really." Jackson replies with a cheeky smile, leaning in to kiss Jaebum. "Can you believe that I haven't kissed you all night?"

"Maybe you should make that up to me." Jaebum mutters, pulling Jackson in for a proper kiss.

\--

"Let's go out on the sea. It's been a while." Jackson says in bed later.

"Okay." Jaebum agrees bonelessly.

\--

It's grey enough out that the sun isn't even visible the next day, but Jackson still drives them to the yacht club and they head out onto the sea anyways.

"Whoa, what a view." Jaebum says, looking out at the towering skyscrapers. Today seems to be more of an island touring day than a fucking each other day. He must like Jackson a lot if he doesn't even mind. "She's gorgeous."

"I hate how people call her a thing."

"Hmm?"

"I hate when people call her a thing. She isn't just a thing to be handed from one tiger to another." Jackson says, looking toward the city too.

"You love this city hmm?"

"I do." Jackson confirms. "More than I love a lot of things."

"Mhmm."

"I'd never leave Hong Kong if I had the choice." Jackson says, stretching his arms up toward the sky. "Would you?" Not if you were here, Jaebum thinks.

"I'm not sure." He lies. "Also, says you who left the other day."

"That was different." Jackson says with a grin. "I didn't have the choice."

"Business stuff?" He asks, and Jackson lets out a heavy sigh.

"Family stuff and business stuff."

"Your business is all jumbled up with your family I suppose." Jaebum muses.

"Yes. Sadly." Jackson says. "But I'm going to live here forever. I'm going to die here."

"Wow, already planning your death?" Jaebum jokes, but when Jackson turns to look at him, Jaebum can see exactly how serious he is. "I'm joking!"

"I know." Jackson replies. "You get this smiley look around your eyes when you're joking."

"I do not." Jaebum denies.

"You do so." Jackson says. "And I think I've spent enough time staring at your face to confirm that." Jaebum just tries not to swoon too much at Jackson's words.

"But is it weird having everyone know you around town?" Jaebum asks, keen to change the subject.

"A little." Jackson answers with a shrug. "Everyone thinks they're best friends with me."

"Oh."

"I'd go crazy if I didn't have Mark. Or if I hadn't met you." Jackson says quietly, and Jaebum gets the sense that Jackson is about to tell him something important. "Why is it that you make me feel so special?"

"Me?"

"Mhmm."

"Hong Kong hasn't been lonely since I met you." Jaebum whispers. Jackson doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Me too." Jackson whispers back so quietly that Jaebum isn't sure that he's heard properly.

"I don't want to leave her either." Jaebum says, voice still softsoft.

"You are leaving though." Jackson says. "Soon right?"

"About that." Jaebum says nervously. "I've uh, been offered a contract extension."

Jackson's face completely lights up.

"You have?" He asks, and Jackson pulls him in for a tight hug.

It feels like a huge weight has been freed off his conscience now that he's told Jackson.

\--

They get back to shore after making it around the main island, and then a few others, and Jackson drives them back to his house to pick up Jaebum's clothes from the floor of Jackson's bedroom.

"Oh." Jackson says from the bed while Jaebum tidies up. "This is yours."

"Hmm? What is?" Jaebum asks, not bothering to turn around.

"This." Jackson says, and tosses something onto the ground beside him. Jaebum turns to see a jewelry box.

"I didn't bring that." Jaebum replies.

"It's yours." Jackson says. "Open it."

And then Jaebum opens the box to find a diamond necklace.

"What is this?" Jaebum asks, eyes on all the diamonds peppering the necklace.

"It's not a big deal." Jackson says, but his body language suggests otherwise.

"No, I mean, what is this for?"

"I just felt like it." Jackson replies, which isn't really an answer. The necklace is relatively understated compared to some of the jewelry that Jaebum has seen Jackson wear.

"I can't-"

"I'm going away for a few days." Jackson says. "I leave tonight. I wanted to give you a little something to remember me by."

"Oh. Okay." Jaebum replies, even though his heart is sinking into his stomach. They haven't gone more than two days without seeing each other in weeks. "But you probably could've just given me a kiss."

"But I'll see you when I get back. As soon as I get back." Jackson says. "And this is like a kiss that you can wear."

Jaebum doesn't know what to say. _I'll miss you when you're away_ , Jaebum wants to say. _I don't know what to make of this necklace_ , he wants to say. He doesn't say either of those things.

"Have a good trip." He settles for. It isn't enough to cover the breadth of what he's feeling but it's all he can say.

\--

When he gets home, Jaebum carefully puts the necklace on. He wonders if Jackson wanted to be the one to do it, but he isn't really sure. Jackson hadn't said anything.

It must've cost a fortune, if the weight of it is any indicator. Jaebum doesn't deserve to wear such a thing, but he loves it anyways.

It isn't even visible under his shirt but just knowing that the necklace is there grounds Jaebum in a way that he hadn't expected. It's unlike anything he's ever received. There's almost an element of possession in Jackson's gift. It seems as if Jackson wants the world to know that Jaebum is his.

\--

Jaebum swears that time crawls by. He goes to work. He misses Jackson. He wonders what Jackson is doing. He wishes he was with Jackson. He goes to bed alone.

One day passes. Two days pass. Three days pass.

\--

On the third night, Jaebum is woken up in the middle of the night with a knock on the door. He stumbles to the door, barely awake.

And he opens it to find Jackson on the other side.

"Jackson?" He asks blearily, unable to believe that it's really Jackson standing there in front of his door, suitcase in hand.

"Jaebum." Jackson says in response, smile growing across his face.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I just wanted the first face I saw when I got back to be yours." Jaebum knows that his mouth is gaping now. He knows that it doesn't make sense, that Jackson has seen plenty of other faces since he's landed, but the fact that Jackson came straight to his apartment seems so incredibly significant.

An "I love you" sits on his tongue, too heavy to come out. It seems like too much, yet also not enough to describe how he feels about Jackson.

It's everything. It's the way that Jackson looks at him. It's the way that his heart settles as soon as he sees Jackson for the first time in a day. It's Jackson's touches. It's Jackson showing up at Jaebum's door at three in the morning just because he wanted to see Jaebum.

"Here. Come in. Do you want water or anything?" He asks.

"Yes please." Jackson says, pulling his suitcase into the apartment too.

Jaebum fetches him a glass of water and leans against the counter in the kitchen, watching Jackson.

Jackson is far more subdued than Jaebum has ever seen him, and it feels like another facet of him has been revealed. Jaebum is just grateful to be privy to these personal sides of Jackson.

"Do you want to stay the night? Or?" He asks after Jackson has drank two glasses of water.

"Sure. I have to be up early as shit tomorrow anyways, so it doesn't make a difference if I sleep for three hours here or at my house."

Jackson strips into just his underwear. Jaebum is already dressed for bed.

"You're wearing the necklace I got you." Jackson says.

"Of course." Jaebum says, hand coming up to touch it once. "I've worn it every day."

"Good." Jackson says.

Jackson is even cuddlier than usual when they curl up in bed together. He wraps himself fully around Jaebum.

"I missed you." Jaebum says, swallowing his tiny fear of Jackson rebuffing him. Jackson's face softens.

"I missed you too." Jackson says. "I missed you every day. And I was only gone for four nights." There are the beginnings of wrinkles around Jackson's eyes that Jaebum has never noticed.

Jaebum doesn't say anything else. It's late, and they both need sleep. And Jackson is in his bed. That's what matters.

—

Jaebum is almost dead at work the next day, but all the coffee he needs to drink is nothing compared to the flush of excitement that he feels when he thinks about Jackson. When he thinks about their future.

\--

Once eight am hits, Jaebum's phone rings and he picks up without even thinking.

"Hello, Im Jaebum speaking."

"Hey hyung." Jinyoung says, and Jaebum can tell just from the tone of his voice that he's mad. Jaebum can't even remember the last time he called Jinyoung. Shit.

"Jinyoung. Hey."

"How are you?"

"I'm not bad. And yourself?"

"Oh, now you ask." Jinyoung says.

"Uh."

"You've been pretty distant lately."

"I've been busy." Jaebum says.

"With work? You were busy with work in Seoul too, and that never stopped you from calling." Jinyoung says sharply. Jaebum chews on his lip.

"I've been busy with other things too." He replies vaguely.

"Other things?" Jinyoung asks. "Like what?"

"Things." Jaebum says, and he can practically feel Jinyoung's anger over the phone.

"It would be nice if you could tell me."

He hasn't been the best friend, he has to admit that. He's been too caught up in falling in love with Jackson. It's terrifying to admit that, but yet there's a small part of Jaebum that feels satisfied to admit it. He's fallen for Jackson, head over heels. He's been selfish. He hasn't been paying attention to Jinyoung. And he can't even explain to Jinyoung why he's been all but missing in action.

"I... I can't." He says, and Jinyoung sighs heavily.

"Jaebum-ah... Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"What? No! No, it's nothing like that. It's just... something I can't talk about yet."

"You can tell me anything." Jinyoung says. _I can't tell you this_ , Jaebum thinks.

"I'm sorry. I need to go." Jaebum responds, and hangs up the phone.

—

His phone rings again, just five minutes after Jaebum hangs up on Jinyoung.

"Let's go for lunch." Jackson says. "Are you busy over lunch?"

"Not today." Jaebum answers.

"Then it's sorted. I'll pick you up in the lobby." Jackson replies simply. "Noon." Then he just hangs up.

\--

Jaebum is a little nervous to go down to the lobby of his building. Taecyeon has already seen him with Jackson, and even though he'd assuaded him, Jaebum doesn't know that Taecyeon didn't tell anyone about the two of them.

Surpisingly, there isn't a ton of odd looks given to the two of them. If people recognize Jackson, they don't really appear to be showing it, Jaebum thinks.

Jackson has a car waiting for them outside,

"Where are we going to eat?" Jaebum asks as Jackson leads him out of the car and into a tiny cafe.

"A cha chaan teng." Jackson explains, gesturing to the counter of small pastries and foods. The restaurant is small enough that the span of his arms is almost the width of the room. And Jackson doesn't even have particularly long arms.

"Huh?" Jaebum asks. He's never heard that combination of words before.

"Come on, you'll like it. You like sweet things." Jackson says with a big smile, like Jaebum could ever refuse Jackson anything when he looks like that.

They sit at a tiny crammed table between some construction workers on their lunch break. He lets Jackson order for them in rapid Cantonese, some things he's never even heard of.

The vinyl table is a little sticky, and Jackson sticks out in his expensive suit, but the tea is good, and the sweets are even better. The TV is on in the background, some kind of cheesy cop drama that Jackson loves to leave playing on his TV, and Jaebum has been here for two months, and he still has no clue what anyone is saying.

The waitress puts two tall glasses of milky brown tea on the table. Jaebum takes an experimental sip. It's sweet, and creamy, and slightly too hot to drink. He doesn't know how the construction workers can just drink it as if it's room temperature.

The food turns out to be delicious, and the look of satisfaction on Jackson's face is just as good.

"You made a good choice." Jaebum admits.

"I usually do." Jackson says smugly.

"Oh shut up" Jaebum replies, rolling his eyes. "A little humility would do you good."

"Mmm. Or you could do me good." Jackson says, waggling his eyebrows. Jaebum bites his lip.

"Jackson. You're ridiculous." He chides, but there isn't any real heat to his words. "Maybe later." He tacks on.

"Sorry about the other day by the way." Jackson says. "I was a little serious for a boat day." He looks oddly nervous as he says this, Jaebum notices.

"You weren't." Jaebum replies carefully, eager not to make Jackson even more skittish. "You can talk to me about whatever you want." Jackson chews on his lip.

"I... I'd like that."

"You don't... You never have to pretend around me." Jaebum adds. "Ever."

"Thanks Jaebum." Jackson says, staring into his tea. "I- I really like you."

"I really like you too." Jaebum says. It should be an inappropriate time and place to be having such a conversation, yet it doesn't seem to be at all.

"Can I take you out tomorrow night?"

"Of course." Jaebum answers.

"Good. It's a date then." Jackson says.

Best of all, Jackson tastes like egg tarts when Jaebum kisses him in the car on the way back to the office .

\--

Jackson picks him up later than usual in the evening the next day. Jaebum isn't sure what exactly it is that they're doing.

They drive over the harbour and into Mong Kok. A strange heavy fog lies on the streets, makes the city seem more enigmatic than usual.

Jackson parks the car and directs them onto a street full of people and saturated with neon signs. The fog makes the neon lights look blurry and hazy. It feels like Jaebum's eyes aren't focused properly.

"Where are we?" Jaebum asks, trying to orient himself.

"We're on Tung Choi Street. It's probably one of the most popular tourist streets." Jackson explains. Under all the neon lights Jackson doesn't seem real. He probably isn't, Jaebum thinks. There's no way that someone as handsome, kind, and rich as Jackson exists. Let alone in the same universe, on the same planet, in the same city as Jaebum. No way.

"I'm so glad I have my own personal tour guide." Jaebum teases, pushing aside his feelings. He's getting away from himself.

They wander along, looking in all the cheap souvenir shops, gawking at the jewelry stores.

"Overpriced." Jackson says. "I know some guys."

"I know you do." Jaebum replies.

They stop for cheong fun in some kind of sweet sauce tucked away on a side street, and Jaebum watches Jackson lay his charm onto the vendor. They get their food for half price.

"Wow, maybe I should learn to sweet talk." Jaebum grumbles, taking a bite of the sticky rice roll.

"With that face you probably don't have to." Jackson replies, eyes twinkling at him.

"And yours is any different?"

"I had to sweet talk you didn't I?" Jackson asks, and Jaebum can't even really respond.

They head out again, back among the strange blurry neon lights.

He's never really been one for photography, but he really wouldn't mind taking a photograph of Jackson among the neon signs. It would certainly be a striking image.

"I wish I could take a photograph of you right now." Jaebum blurts out.

"Why?" Jackson asks. He's a little playful, but also he seems to be genuinely curious.

"So I can remember this moment."

Jackson doesn't reply for a moment.

"Can I take you somewhere?" He asks.

"Of course." Jaebum replies. "Anywhere." Jackson laughs.

"God, you'd let me just kidnap you wouldn't you?"

"Probably." Jaebum says, and he isn't lying.

\--

Jackson drives them up twisting roads up to a hill overlooking the city. It isn't as high as the Peak, but it still situates them high above the city, overlooking everything.

They're tucked away from other look-out spots that Jaebum had spotted along the drive.

"Is this your secret spot?" Jaebum asks teasingly.

"Maybe." Jackson says. "I've been meaning to take you here for a while." Jackson says.

"Oh." Jaebum says.

"Yeah. No reason." Jackson says, but Jaebum knows that he's lying.

"Okay, maybe I was trying to be romantic."

"Why so?" Jaebum asks with a laugh.

"You don't need to be romantic for me." Jaebum says with a laugh.

"But what if I want to be?"

"You don't have to be." Jaebum starts off. "But I'm happy if you want to be."

"I'll keep that in mind." Jackson says. "So you're fine with me being romantic for you?"

"Of course." Jaebum says. "It feels good knowing that you want to do that for me."

"Good."

The view is unlike anything Jaebum has seen. He'd thought that the view from Tsim Sha Tsui was good, but this is ten thousand times better. There's something about the night lights that captures Hong Kong's curious energy. Artificial stars, Jaebum thinks, lighting up the night sky like this.

"Nice hmm?" Jackson asks after a few moments.

"Gorgeous."

"I can think straight up here." Jackson says. "This is where I realized how much I like you."

"Jackson-"

"It is. I know it sounds cheesy, like I'm putting on some kind of moves for you but that really isn't it. I like you Jaebum. And I find myself doing things I've never done before, for you."

"I like you a lot." Jaebum says in response. "I'm finding new reasons to like you more and more every day."

"I'm so excited that we have more time together." Jackson says, and Jaebum thinks thats the closest Jackson has come to confessing his feelings.

"Me too." Jaebum says, because it's all he can say, and Jackson leans over from the drivers seat to kiss him softly.

\--

Jackson drives him home, hurtling through the city at an ungodly speed. The road curves and dips, and they wind up in a tunnel to take them back to Central.

The lighting in the tunnel is a blue-green, and it makes Jaebum feel a little like he's swimming. He kind of is, really. The tunnel runs below the harbour, so in a way he is. It's late enough that there are hardly any other cars in the tunnel, and it adds to the strange atmosphere. It's just him and Jackson underneath the sea.

Jaebum leans his head back against the headrest of the seat. The tunnel stretches on above him. He turns his head to look at Jackson driving. He looks so good like this, beside Jaebum. His arm is extended to rest his hand on the top of the steering wheel, and a piece of his hair is coming out of the gelled style.

"What?" Jackson asks, not even looking his way.

"Nothing. Just looking at you." Jaebum says. "Am I not allowed?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to." Jaebum answers.

"You're so cheesy." Jackson says wryly, but he doesn't seem that bothered by Jaebum's obvious adoration.

"Only because you make me this way." He replies, feeling his face scrunch up in happiness.

"Shut up." Jackson says, and reaches out to take Jaebum's hand. It's slightly awkward as they work around the gear stick, but Jaebum feels such a sense of happiness just from holding Jackson's hand. He knows that they'll have to stop once they get out of the tunnel, because people could see them in the convertible.

But just for the moment, if only for the moment, he can hold Jackson's hand like this, fingers laced together tightly. Just two lovers holding hands in the middle of the night, for no other reason than they want to.

He never wants to let Jackson go. He'd stay right here, suspended in this moment, forever if he could.

But the car hurtles out of the tunnel into the neon night city, and Jaebum slips his fingers from Jackson's.

\--

As if his mind wasn't made up before, the next day he tells Nichkhun that he's going to take the offer.


	9. lights bursting on his eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. 
> 
> BUT here we are! Next chapter! I think the chapter that everyone has been waiting for from the very beginning. So. 
> 
> Chapter title from "Faith in Strangers" by Andy Stott. Not 90s, but definitely fits the vibe of this chapter.

  
"Really?" Nichkhun asks. "You're going to take the offer?" He looks pleased as he says this, and Jaebum feels satisfied with his decision.

"Yeah." Jaebum confirms. "I want to stay."

"I guess Hong Kong grew on you hmm?" Nichkhun asks with a twinkle in his eye.

"I guess so." Jaebum says. "Everyone else in the office helped my decision too."

"We're a weird group, but we take care of each other." Nichkhun says. "Anyways. I'm very happy you took me up on my offer. I'll work to get everything finalized soon hmm?" Jaebum nods in response. "Good. Now get back to work, since you're going to be sticking around and all."

"Thank you Nichkhun, for the offer in the first place." Jaebum says gratefully.

"Trust me. The feeling is mutual." Nichkhun replies with a laugh. "I want you here just as much as you want to be here. I don't think you're going to regret it."

\--

That day after a busy afternoon at work, he allows himself to really think about the implications of moving to Hong Kong longer term. It won't be a hardship at all for him to spend more time here, he thinks. The city has enchanted him.

He wants a different apartment, a place that he can really make his own. His current rental is far too bleak to even consider lengthening his lease. He maybe wants something closer to Jackson's house. Maybe. He doesn't want to get ahead of himself, but he doesn't want to discount that notion.

Without even noticing, his hand comes up to touch the necklace Jackson got him. He's taken to wearing it every day. He didn't think that he was the sort of person to wear a diamond necklace every day, but the fact that it's a gift from Jackson seems to have changed that about him.

He's excited. Excited about the life that he could be having soon, one with Jackson. One where they go for boat days, or lazy weekends, or evenings after work with a glass of wine and soft kisses. One where his personal and professional lives will both flourish. Jaebum can't ignore the success he's had in Hong Kong. This has been the chance he's been waiting for since he started working.

He could make it. He could work his way up to being one of the head analysts in the Hong Kong branch. Jaebum can feel it.

\--

He already knows that Jackson is home, so as an entire spur of the moment decision he decides to stop at a tiny grocery store around the corner from his office and pick up some groceries. He'd entertained cooking for Jackson ages ago, but now there's nothing stopping him from doing that.

"What's this?" Jackson asks, pointing to the bags of groceries in Jaebum's hands when he shows up outside Jackson's door.

"I thought I'd cook dinner for us. If you don't mind." Jaebum replies with a shrug.

"Of course I don't mind." Jackson says. "I'd love that." A smile comes across his face, something soft and warm. Something just for Jaebum. "Come on in."

Jackson manages to pull a bottle of champagne from somewhere as Jaebum is starting to cook.

"What's the champagne for?" Jaebum asks with a laugh as Jackson pops the cork off in an exaggerated way.

"We're celebrating."

"Celebrating me making dinner?" Jaebum asks, amused.

"Celebrating you staying longer." Jackson says, and although he'd been joking around just seconds earlier, suddenly he's the picture of seriousness. "Grab us two champagne glasses from the glass rack would you?"

"Of course you have champagne glasses." Jaebum says, but he does as Jackson asks. Jackson neatly pours them each a glass and hands one to Jaebum.

"Cheers then." Jaebum says. "To staying longer."

"Cheers." Jackson says. "But I don't think champagne is enough."

"Oh?"

"Mmm." Jackson says, voice dropping slightly. "I think a kiss is in order for this celebration."

"Hmm." Jaebum says, pretending like he's trying to think about it. "I'm not sure."

"Bastard." Jackson mutters, and reels him in for a kiss, leaning up in that perfect way of his to meet Jaebum. They both melt into the kiss. Jaebum puts his glass of champagne down, and he can hear Jackson do the same -- their hands moving to each other. Jackson's fingers are cool to the touch from the bottle, but the feeling they send through Jaebum's body is nothing but hot. He feels Jackson's hands start to wander down his body.

"I should finish dinner." Jaebum says, patting Jackson on the ass.

"I guess." Jackson says, pouting slightly. It isn't cute. It isn't the most adorable thing Jaebum has ever seen. He's lying to himself.

"We'll have time for kisses later." Jaebum promises.

\--

And he fulfills that promise, abandoning the dishes in the sink to lift Jackson onto the kitchen counter and kiss him senselessly.

\--

He's lying in bed later that night next to a peacefully sleeping Jackson, when it hits him. He's in love with Jackson.

The realization that he's so fucking in love with Jackson hardly comes as a surprise to Jaebum. The feeling blooms in his chest and it seems to brighten everything around him.

He's never been in love before, but this love feels good, it feels warm, and comforting. Jaebum feels passion too, feels the need to run his hands over Jackson's body, to make love to him, but his primary feeling is that of a blossoming warmth. He wants to go home to Jackson at the end of the day, and he wants Jackson to come to him too. He wants to be there when Jackson has a bad day, wants to parse apart the things that make up Jackson.

There's so much about Jackson that Jaebum doesn't know yet, and he's keen to learn it all. Conversely, he wants Jackson to learn everything about him. Jaebum wants it all. He wants all of Jackson.

And now he'll have the opportunity to have it, because he's staying in Hong Kong. It's possibly the best thing to happen to him.

\--

Jaebum is in the bathroom at work the next day when he's confronted by Taecyeon again. Jaebum is just finishing peeing when Taecyeon comes in the bathroom, and while he doesn't lock the door, he leans against it.

"Are you a homo or something?" Taecyeon asks with something close to a leer.

"No." Jaebum says.

"So what's up with you and Jackson Wang? You're homo with him?"

"No." Jaebum says. "He's my friend."

"I don't know... You two seemed pretty close. Maybe he's the girlfriend everyone's been talking about." Taecyeon says and Jaebum's heart starts pounding.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He says, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I know more than you think." Taecyeon says, taking a step closer to Jaebum.

Just then, there's the sound of a lighter clicking, and the door to the stall at the end swings open. Yubin steps out, cigarette in her fingers.

"Maybe you should watch what you're saying Taec." She says, and even though her voice seems pleasant, her eyes are conveying something else. She looks pissed, Jaebum realizes. He doesn't think he's ever seen her this angry.

"I'm just warning him." Taecyeon says, putting his hands up in innocence.

"Is that any of your business though?" She asks sharply. She takes a drag and blows out, close to his face.

"If it affects work." He says, clearly trying not to laugh.

"And how would it affect work? What about the bargirls you hire? Hmm?" She snips out and both Jaebum and Taecyeon's eyes go wide.

"That's not the same and you know it." Taecyeon says.

"Isn't it?" Yubin asks. "Now get out before I get really mad."

"Yub-"

"Get out." She all but snarls, and stubs out her cigarette. Taecyeon leaves in a huff.

Wordlessly, Jaebum goes back to his office, and Yubin follows him. She closes the door behind her. Jaebum waits to see what she's going to say.

"I just wanted to tell you that your business is your business."

"I know." Jaebum says.

"I mean it. If anyone gives you shit, let me know. That isn't alright."

"I know." Jaebum repeats. His heartrate is only just starting to slow.

"I just have to..." She tapers off.

"Have to what?" Jaebum asks.

"It's just... Jackson Wang hmm?"

"I thought you said it was my business?" Jaebum replies, daring to raise an eyebrow. Yubin's laugh fills his office.

"I suppose I did." She says. "Good for you. Well. If you ever have gossip you know who to come to." She says.

"I'll keep that in mind." He promises. "Did you hear that I'm here to stay?"

"I did. I'm happy to hear it." She says with a soft smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I didn't get to finish my cigarette."

She's only just left when Jaebum's phone rings. He picks up without even checking the number, still a little frazzled from his encounter with Taecyeon.

"Hello?" He says.

"Hello?" Junho greets.

"Oh, Junho. Hello." Jaebum says, realization dawning on him. "Shit. I'm sorry. I haven't been calling much lately."

"That's okay." Junho says. "I figured you'd have called if you'd noticed anything, so I figured that not much was going on on your end."

"I really haven't seen anything shady." Jaebum says. "I really really haven't."

"Alright. Thanks Jaebum." Junho answers with a heavy sigh. "It was worth a try."

"Have you- is there something in particular that you're looking for?"

"No. Actually my call today is a bit of a courtesy call."

"Courtesy call?"

"I don't know how to say this." Junho says slowly.

"Say what?" Jaebum asks. He's growing more and more confused.

"Things are going to get bad." Junho says. "We're not releasing anything, but everyone knows."

"I haven't seen anything even in the company only reports." Jaebum says, heart sinking.

"Because the higher-ups said not to."

"So what now?"

"People are going to lose a lot." Junho says. "I wish it wasn't like this, but it is." Jaebum sighs.

"Do I need to drop anything in particular."

"No." Junho says. "Because it's probably going to get bad. We just don't know exactly when."

"So we've just been fucking people over then?" Jaebum spits out, and Junho sighs.

"I wish it wasn't like that." Junho repeats, like that does them any good. "I'm sorry to tell you like this." Junho says. Jaebum can't help but notice that he isn't apologizing for the entire situation. Just that he had to tell Jaebum over the phone.

"It's. I should go." He says tensely and waits until Junho says goodbye to hang up.

Jaebum leans heavily back in his desk chair, and swivels around to stare out at the city.

\--

He got into finance for the paycheque. He can't lie and say that he did it for any particularly altruistic reasons. He'd always known that there was nothing particularly moral about his career. But still.

It doesn't feel good to know that markets are collapsing slowly, and that soon it'll be too late. He didn't think that his actions would have this kind of effect, even just in a complicit sense.

He's been doing this for six years now. Six years since he graduated college and got a job, and not once has he ever stopped to think that anything like this could happen. Because it seemed unfathomable. Asian markets have just been growing and growing and growing. Japan first, then Korea, and slowly China coming into its own. Plus Taiwan, and Singapore, and Malaysia. Jaebum never thought that this could happen. He's seen the prosperity in Seoul, seen the way more and more people have been taken out of the working class and into the middle class. It happened to his parents. And he's done well for himself too, he's far better off than either of his parents were at his age. It's been good for him.

But.

He thinks about what's been happening lately.

The client who left their firm, hearing things about the Indonesian markets. The American bankers that he'd overheard on the party junk. Sunmi's words later that very day, that nothing can last forever.

All of these things taken together make Jaebum's head reel.

And he's just been a part of it. He's been complicit in the whole fuckery. He knows what happened in the twenties in America. He understands what happens with growthgrowthgrowth. And yet he'd never stopped to think that it could happen here, let alone that he'd be deceiving people into throwing their money away.

\--

He calls Jackson. He doesn't know what else he can do. He feels his stomach churning and his eyes too tight in his head.

"Are you going to be home tonight?" He asks Jackson when he answers.

"Yeah." Jackson says. "Why?"

"Can I come over?"

"That's never stopped you before." Jackson says with a laugh.

"I just... I needed to talk to you." Jaebum replies miserably.

"What's going on?" Jackson asks, voice transforming instantly into concern.

"I think I've been doing something bad." Jaebum says quietly. "Really bad."

"What have you been doing?" Jackson asks, and so Jaebum fills him in. Jackson pauses for a moment before speaking. "You can't have known." Jackson says softly. "How were you to know?"

"I know but-"

"You can only feel guilty for what you can control." Jackson says emphatically.

"I still feel like shit." Jaebum whispers.

"Jaebum?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." Jackson says. "Uh."

"Jackson?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just tell me that you love me over the phone?"

"Yes." Jackson confirms quietly. "But if you come over after work tonight I can tell you in person too?"

"I'll be there." Jaebum replies reverently.

\--

"I love you." Jackson says as soon as Jaebum walks in the front door.

"I just walked in the door." He says.

"I know. I just had to tell you. I want to tell you all the time." Jackson replies, and Jaebum throws his arms around Jackson to pull him in for a tight hug.

"That makes me so happy to hear." He whispers into Jackson's ear, squeezing him tighter.

"You're squishing me." Jackson squeaks out and Jaebum laughs.

"You love it." He says smugly.

"I do." Jackson says.

\--

"When did you know?" Jaebum asks later when they're curled up on the sofa together.

"I don't know if I can pinpoint it." Jackson says. "It just kind of happened." Jaebum snorts, even as his stomach flutters. He can understand the feeling. "I don't know. I just saw you at the bar that night and I wanted to talk to you."

"You could've talked to anyone."

"But I only wanted to talk to you. You were handsome. And you looked lonely."

"I was lonely." Jaebum says, thinking back to when he first moved.

"I think that when you're a lonely person, you have an eye for this sort of thing." Jackson replies. Jaebum is struck by a sense of profound sadness.

"The worst feeling is being surrounded by people but being alone." Jaebum says, only for Jackson to look away. "Jackson?"

"I just... I'm really happy I met you when I did." Jackson says softly, still turned away. Jaebum is torn between making Jackson look at him, and letting Jackson feel comfortable talking about things like this. He seems like the type of person who doesn't enjoy talking about feelings, about bad feelings. Jaebum thinks about the way that Jackson took so long to open up about how important it is for other people to perceive him a certain way, the way he would start and stop the initial conversation.

It isn't as if Jaebum is any better at conversations about emotions anyways, but it seems to be important that they understand this about each other.

"Jaebum?"

"Yes?"

"Let me give you the gate code."

"Are you sure?" Jaebum asks, feeling surprised that Jackson would want to give him that.

"Yeah. It's probably past time anyways." Jackson answers. Jaebum wonders how many other people Jackson has given his gate code to. He doesn't want to know. He does. "And I meant to ask you something."

"Yes?" Jaebum replies, turning to look at Jackson, who's suddenly much closer to him than he was previously.

"I have a trip coming up to China."

"Oh?"

"And I know that you obviously can't take the whole time off work, but I thought maybe you could come just for the weekend. Just the two of us." Jackson adds, trailing a finger down Jaebum's chest.

"When is it?" Jaebum asks, trying to remain calm under Jackson's ministrations.

"Two weeks from now."

"Cool. I'll be there then." Jaebum says.

"God. I can never keep my hands off you." Jackson mutters before he leans in to kiss Jaebum messily.

\--

The next morning at work, Jaebum gets another call from Jinyoung. It isn't a surprise -- Jinyoung has always been tenacious. He contemplates not even picking up, but then he decides just to get it over with and answer.

"Hello." He says

"I'm your best friend. What is it that you can't tell me?" Jinyoung asks, and while he doesn't sound mad, he definitely doesn't sound happy.

"It's... personal."

"I promise that no matter what you tell me, I won't get mad." Jinyoung promises. Jaebum gulps. He takes the leap.

"I've just been... seeing someone. That's all." Jaebum says. It feels like a half-relief to say it aloud. Only a half-relief though -- there's still so much that he can't share.

"Was that so hard?" Jinyoung asks with a scoff.

"Kind of."

"Is it... it must be serious hmm?"

"Yeah. It's pretty serious." Jaebum replies.

"Is she pretty?"

"I should go." Jaebum says quickly. He doesn't want this conversation to go on any further, or he's worried that he'll start sharing details that he hadn't planned on sharing. "I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay. Talk soon." Jinyoung replies, clearly satisfied by Jaebum's final admittance. He hangs up and stares down at his phone for a moment, heart pounding. And he didn't even tell Jinyoung the full truth.

\--

Jackson comes over for dinner that night, bringing take out Japanese with him.

They're midway through dinner when Jaebum realizes. He can feel it. This is the right time to say it.

Jaebum takes a deep breath and says it.

"I love you." He says, and it's as if time slows down. Jackson turns to look at him with a curious look, like he can't believe that Jaebum just said what he said.

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." Jackson says back, dead serious.

"I wanted to tell you sooner. But I just couldn't." Jaebum says, chewing on his lip.

"It doesn't matter." Jackson replies. "I told you that I love you because I wanted you to know that I love you, not because I wanted to hear that you love me back." He pauses. "Not that I don't want to hear that."

"I know what you mean." Jaebum says. "But I loved you then. I just didn't say."

"You're going to make me blush."

"Good. I want to make you blush every day." Jaebum says, and he finds that he means it. He hadn't intended on being so ridiculous, but Jackson just seems to make him like this.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Jaebum says, and he feels so incredibly happy to just say those words openly.

"I know movie stars, and pop singers, and entrepreneurs, and none of them make me feel like you do." Jackson says. Jaebum doesn't know how to respond to that. "Was that too much?" He asks, quirking a smile.

"No. No." Jaebum responds quickly. "I suppose I just want to know... why me?"

"Why not you?" Jackson asks in return.

"I don't know what to say." Jaebum says with a laugh.

"You're great Jaebum. You really are." Jackson replies with a smile. "I just... I haven't met anyone like you, anyone that made me feel like you do. That's what I mean."

"Me neither. About you, I mean." Jaebum says, flushing at the way that he can't get his words to cooperate with his thoughts.

"If people knew -- do you want people to know?" Jackson asks.

"Someone at work knows." Jaebum says, chewing on his lip.

"The one who saw us together?" Jaebum nods in response. "One person? That's nothing."

"I don't- I want to be with you. But I don't want people to speak poorly of you." Jaebum explains. "You clearly care about what people here think about you. Don't you want to build a good reputation?" Jackson exhales audibly.

"I didn't say that to make you feel like we couldn't be open about our relationship."

"I want to do what you're comfortable with." Jaebum says. "It's- I'll follow your lead."

"I certainly can't broadcast it to the world. But there's a big difference between that and taking you to events here and there, to us maybe moving in-" Jackson stops himself. "I'm getting ahead of myself."

"You'd want me to?" Jaebum asks, heart hammering in his chest.

"Of course I'd want you to." Jackson says. "I'm coming to realize that I want it all with you."

Jaebum understands the feeling.

\--

"Can... Will you fuck me?" Jaebum asks when they've finished dinner. "I... want it."

"Of course." Jackson answers immediately, and leans in to kiss him softly. Then his arms come around Jaebum's neck, and Jaebum's arms wrap around Jackson's waist.

He lets Jackson lead him into the bedroom, and then watches as Jackson pushes him against the wall to kiss him again, harder this time.

"I want to-" Jaebum starts to say. He wants to suck Jackson's cock.

"Tonight is for you." Jackson interrupts.

"But."

"Shh. Let me take care of you." Jackson says, and even though his words are clearly meant to be comforting, the tone of his voice is anything but. He's commanding Jaebum to submit, and Jaebum feels himself crumble under the assertion.

He lets Jackson get him out of his clothes, and then he lets Jackson lay him down on the bed.

Jackson's hands come up and squeeze his thighs. Then his fingers trail over his cock, Jaebum tensing up at the touch.

And then Jackson settles down between Jaebum's spread legs.

Jackson's tongue circles his rim, and Jaebum lets out a loud gasp. The warmth and the wetness of Jackson's tongue there feels far better than he could've ever imagined. Then Jackson's tongue is slipping into him, and Jaebum lets out an entirely undignified yelp.

"Oh. Oh. Oh!" He gasps out, hands fisting at the sheets. "Jackson!"

Jackson's only response is to do it again, and Jaebum starts to lose his mind. He can only lay there and take what Jackson is giving him -- his tongue on his hole, on his cock sometimes -- just for a tantalizing moment before he turns his attention back to Jaebum's rim. It's unsatisfying, but also entirely too satisfying. His body is flushed with warmth, his limbs feel too light.

"Please fuck me." Jaebum gasps. He's never felt so aroused in his life.

"Okay. Okay. Shh." Jackson reassures him, placing a hand on Jaebum's stomach, just above his cock. It shouldn't turn him on as much as it does. Jaebum can feel the heat from Jackson's hand, and it seems to just flood his body.

Jackson starts with two fingers, a stretch that seems almost too much, but just like everything else, Jackson seems to know exactly what Jaebum needs. His back arches off the bed, and Jackson fucks his fingers into Jaebum slowly, his other hand coming up to smooth over Jaebum's thighs.

"Is this good?" Jackson asks and Jaebum can barely nod. He can barely think.

He feels stretched, and loved, and tingly.

"Fu-fuck me." He manages to gasp out after Jackson has stretched him open with four fingers.

Jaebum feels almost overwhelmed when Jackson finally fucks into him. It feels like a warm fizziness has come over his whole body. Jackson's hands are hot on his hips. His cock slides in easily because Jackson had spent so long preparing him for this.

Somewhere along the way, Jaebum feels himself floating away a little bit. He can feel Jackson's cock in him, and he's aware of the way that his own cock is hard against his stomach but his head is fuzzy. He just lays there and lets Jackson fuck him hard.

"Yes. Yes. Jackson. Love you." He hears from somewhere, and realizes that it's coming from himself. Above him, Jackson's eyes are dark. Jaebum feels trapped in his gaze, unable to do anything beyond writhe under Jackson's touch.

He cums somehow, an orgasm that rips through him, spreading electric tingles through his whole body. He's shaking and he doesn't know how to stop it.

Jackson cums just after, cumming into the condom and pulling out to get rid of it, only to wrap himself tenderly around Jaebum right away.

Jaebum still feels hazy, but he can feel Jackson stroking his hair.

"Are you back now?" Jackson asks softly. "You were pretty gone there for a moment."

"Yeah. Yeah." Jaebum answers. He still feels somewhat dazed, but reality is starting to settle around him a little more clearly. "That was just... intense."

"Was it too much?" Jackson asks, concern crossing his face.

"No. No." Jaebum says. "Just. Warn me next time?"

"Of course." Jackson replies. "I love you."

"I love you too." Jaebum says with a wobbly voice.

\--

"Hey, do you have a realtor that you'd recommend?" He asks Sunmi when they're waiting for coffee together the next Monday.

"A realtor?" She repeats. "You're staying?"

"Looks like I am." He says with a casual shrug.

"Here, come with me. Let me see if I still have her card somewhere in my office." She says, waving for Jaebum to finish getting his coffee and follow her.

\--

Before he leaves work, he makes an appointment with the realtor Sunmi recommended to go look at some single-room apartments a little further away from Central.

\--

His dreams that night are strange and discombobulated - disjointed. And then, there's a phone ringing in his dream, loud and grating. Dream Jaebum doesn't know what to do. Does he answer it?

Somehow he blinks awake, but the ringing sound continues. There really is a phone ringing in his apartment. Jaebum forces himself to wake up more. He isn't dreaming it, the sound is really there.

He's always known that he has a landline in his rental, but there was never any number attached to it, so Jaebum has never used it. He follows the sound to the phone hanging in the kitchen and carefully picks up.

"Hello?" He asks. "Who is this?"

"Is this Im Jaebum?" Someone who sounds suspiciously like Junho barks at him in Korean.

"Yes? Junho?" Jaebum replies, confusion growing. It's the middle of the night over there too. Junho has no reason to be calling him at this hour at his apartment number.

"Yeah. It's me."

"How did you get this number?"

"Through the rental company." Junho explains. "I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but we have a problem. Actually we're going to have a lot of problems."

"Excuse me?"

"Thailand is going to float the fucking baht." Junho says, voice flat, and Jaebum's heart drops into his stomach.

"What?" Jaebum asks incredulously.

"Thailand has needed to float the baht for a while now,

"The baht's going to take out the won. And probably the ruppiah, if my math is correct."

"That's going to destabilize the whole region."

"I know." Junho answers simply. "And it's going to fuck everything up."

"What do we do?" Jaebum asks, even if he's afraid to know the answer.

"We need you back here. Now." Junho barks. "Everything is going to shit and we need one of our best analysts back home."

"I'm going to stay here though." Jaebum says tentatively.

"What do you mean?" Junho asks, and Jaebum thinks that it's the closest he's ever heard Junho come to genuine anger.

"Nichkhun asked me to stay on. I agreed, and he's drawing up a contract." Jaebum replies.

"But have you signed the contract?" Junho demands and Jaebum's heart sinks. He hadn't even thought of that.

"No. Not yet."

"Then you answer to me. And we need you here."

"But the condition for my promotion was that I stayed for three-"

"The fucking promotion is already yours. Just get on the next flight to Seoul." Junho yells into the phone. Jaebum hears blood ringing in his ears. He can't believe this is happening. He can't believe any of this is happening. He feels like he might faint.

"Yes sir." Jaebum says, swallowing his disappointment. Junho hangs up without saying goodbye.

He pauses for a moment in an attempt to process what's just happened. It doesn't work. He still can't believe it. He still doesn't understand how or what is happening.

Jaebum dials the operator and gets through to Korean Air. He books a ticket on the next flight to Seoul, telling the woman on the phone that it doesn't matter which airport he lands at.

And suddenly he has four hours left in Hong Kong.


	10. we stared at the sun too long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh. So yeah... Um. Anyways... Yell at me in the comments. The last chapter wasn't one of my favourites but this one is. I'm a masochist I think. I love suffering hehehe. 
> 
> Chapter title from "The Story of Yo La Tango" by Yo La Tengo, which is the song that I would pick if I had to pick a song that sums up this whole fic. Mood wise, lyric wise. I listened to Saturday by Desire while writing it. So, I suppose that's the soundtrack.

  
Jaebum methodically packs his suitcase, grateful that he picked up his dry cleaning earlier that week. He can hardly make sense of it as his hands go through the motions of packing and dressing.

He throws all the food out of his fridge. He didn't get the sense from Junho that he would be coming back to Hong Kong any time soon. No point in keeping any of it, he thinks.

During the whole process, he has to force himself not to think of Jackson. He doesn't know what to even say to Jackson. It feels as if they'd only just gotten started. They'd only just said that they love each other.

He doesn't know what's going to happen to them. Is Jackson still going to want to be with him? He doesn't know how long he's going to be stuck in Korea, let alone if he's going to be forced to stay there. How is that going to work? Jaebum's head reels. He forces himself to take a seat on the couch, and calm down for a moment. This doesn't have to mean the end, he reminds himself. It can't be the end. They've only just begun.

Jaebum stands up, and goes to zip his suitcase shut. He needs to say goodbye to Jackson before he leaves. He can't just go without telling him anything

\--

It isn't hard to find a cab, and Jaebum is somewhat disappointed by that. He wonders if he could just... not go back to Seoul. Just hide out here forever.

But no matter how long he stands at the curb with his suitcase in hand, there is cab after cab rounding the corner at usual Hong Kong breakneck speed, and Jaebum hails one down. He can't avoid it.

"I'm going to the airport, but I need to make a stop first." Jaebum says to the cab driver, and gives him Jackson's address. The cab driver whistles at the address, and Jaebum knows that he'll try to upcharge the fare.

The streets are quiet, and the night seems darker than usual as the cab whizzes along the windy roads to Jackson's house. In a strange way, Jaebum doesn't want the drive to go as quickly as it does, because it just means that he's closer to telling Jackson that he has to leave.

"Wait here." He instructs, and gets out of the cab to walk up the driveway.

He lets himself into the gate, and on reluctant legs, approaches Jackson's door.

It takes a while for Jackson to answer the doorbell, and for a terrifying moment, Jaebum wonders if Jackson isn't home.

But he is, it turns out. He's home and sleep-rumpled.

"Hey." Jackson greets, eyes soft. He's clearly dressed for sleep, in just loose shorts and a tank top. Jaebum wants nothing more than to wrap himself around Jackson and never let go. But-

"Hey." Jaebum forces himself to say.

"Did I leave something important at your place?" Jackson asks, blinking slightly, probably to try and wake up.

"No." Jaebum answers. "I had to come tell you something."

"Is your cab supposed to be sticking around?" Jackson asks, crossing his arms over his chest and yawning. He looks so stupidly soft.

"Yeah. I have to go home." Jaebum forces himself to say. "I'm going to the airport after this, I have to catch the red-eye back to Seoul for a while. For a long while." Jackson is silent for a moment. Jaebum can't even tell what he's thinking based on his facial expression. All this time together, and he can't quite tell.

"But your contract extension-" Jackson says finally, before Jaebum interrupts.

"I didn't sign it in time. Junho is technically my boss. I have to do what he says." He explains.

"Shit." Jackson curses, and Jaebum understands the feeling. "I just... I thought you were here for three months?" Jackson says finally, voice cracking slightly. "I thought we had three months together." Jaebum swallows the sorrow in his throat.

"Me too. But the stock market is going to shit in Thailand, and it's going to happen in Korea too. Probably here too. Worse, even."

"Why can't you stay here?" Jackson asks in a tiny voice. He looks so small. Smaller than Jaebum has ever seen him. "Like that first time you came over here. Just stay here forever."

"I want to." Jaebum answers honestly. "I want to so badly."

"But you can't." Jackson finishes for him.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know you are." Jackson replies wryly. "Jaebum-"

"I don't know if I'll be back." Jaebum swallows deeply, and forces himself to continue. "I don't think I'll have the chance with the way things are looking at work."

Jackson chews on his bottom lip.

"So this is goodbye then." Jackson says.

"I don't want it to be." Jaebum says quickly. "I'm going to try not let it be goodbye."

"Me neither."

"I love you." He blurts out, and it feels different to all their other 'I love you's. And Jaebum does. He loves Jackson so much.

"I love you too." Jaebum says miserably.

The taxi driver yells at Jaebum to hurry up. "I have to go." He says.

"Wait, just one more thing." Jackson says, and kisses Jaebum, just barely a brush of the lips. It's so soft, and tender, and Jaebum's heart clenches uncomfortably. "Goodbye Jaebum." Jackson whispers into Jaebum's breath. He doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want to leave. The taxi driver honks again.

"Bye Jackson." Jaebum says, trying to hide the misery in his voice, and walks back to the waiting taxi. He can't make himself turn around to look at Jackson one more time. Jackson doesn't say anything else, and Jaebum can't hear the door close.

\--

The drive to the airport is nothing like when Jaebum arrived in Hong Kong. There's hardly anyone on the roads. There hardly seems to be any life about.

Jaebum keeps wiping tears away. He can't seem to control them. At least he managed not to cry while he was in front of Jackson, he thinks. He's lucky. He couldn't bear to have Jackson see him like this.

Jaebum can see the cab driver shooting him concerned looks, but he doesn't say anything.

\--

He doesn't really understand what's happening as he makes his way through the airport to his gate. The people around him don't seem real. Jaebum doesn't feel real. The lights of the airport make everything look artificial.

\--

Jaebum orders a drink at the airport, and another. And then he loses count. And orders a glass of wine on the plane.

\--

Stepping off the plane at Incheon feels like another planet. Or that could be the alcohol, Jaebum thinks as his head swims. He doesn't even remember picking up his suitcase.

The sun rises as he makes his way back to the apartment. It's wrong. It's entirely wrong. It's rising from the wrong angle, not the way it would in Hong Kong.

His apartment is the same as when he left it just two months before. It's his home, but yet it isn't. The blinds are all shut, with just the pale morning sun peeking through. Jaebum wonders if Jackson slept.

There's a half empty bottle of Suntory in his cupboard, and Jaebum takes a a large swig.

Jaebum leaves his suitcase in his living room, changes into a work suit, and goes to work.

\--

"Welcome back." Youngjae says when he sees Jaebum. "You look like shit."

"Thanks." Jaebum says "I feel like shit."

"Are you... you're drunk right now." Youngjae says, eyes wide. "Jesus Christ."

"No. I was drunk." Jaebum retorts, but if he thinks about, he might still be. He really shouldn't have had so much to drink.

"Jaebum! You're back!" Junho exclaims from behind him, clapping a hand on his back. Jaebum flinches.

"I just got in last night." He says.

"Good, good!" Junho replies. "Here, do you mind if we chat in my office?"

"No." Jaebum says back, seeing the way that Youngjae is watching them both in confusion.

Junho walks Jaebum to his office. It's like a strange, sick parallel to when Jaebum received the news that he'd be going to Hong Kong, he thinks. If Junho catches a whiff of the liquor smell, he doesn't say anything.

"We'll have your stuff shipped over here if you have any." Junho says. "Sorry for the short notice."

"I didn't buy that much there." Jaebum says numbly. "You can just leave it."

"Oh good. That makes it easier." Junho replies with a smile. "It's like you were waiting to leave." Jaebum could laugh at the inaccuracy of that statement.

"So I'm not-"

"You're not going back." Junho confirms. "We have too much to do here."

"Alright." Jaebum replies, head reeling. "What do you need me to do first?"

\--

He manages to get to two in the afternoon without vomiting. And then Jaebum sobers up, and the gravity of what has just happened hits him. He throws up in the trashcan outside a meeting room and hopes that nobody sees.

\--

His apartment smells like dust when he gets back after work. Jaebum just passes out on top of his covers.

\--

The next evening, after a fucking disastrous day where the stock index hits an all-time low, Jaebum knows that he needs to tell his parents that he's home

"What are you doing back home?" His mother asks when she picks up and hears his voice. "What's going on?"

"Things are happening at work. They needed me here."

"Oh. What about your girlfriend?"

"I need to go." Jaebum says abruptly. "I'll come visit you and dad soon."

"Jaebum-" His mother starts off but Jaebum hangs up with a resounding click.

\--

There's no other way to put it, work is a disaster. With Thailand floating the baht, every other currency in the region stumbles, or outright falls. It pains Jaebum to look at the stock exchange every day.

The HSI is in the shitter, and the KOSPI is even worse.

He hardly sleeps, he hardly eats, and when he isn't trying to keep together the shitshow that is the stock market and his clients, he's getting drunk enough to fall asleep easily. Their company loses clients after client. They lose million after million after million of won.

Each morning he manages to blink the whiskey from his eyes, and go back to work.

\--

Nichkhun calls him after a week in Seoul.

"Hello?" Jaebum says when he picks up the phone, expecting another angry client.

"Jaebum?"

"Nichkhun?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh."

"Sorry it took me so long to call. Someone was using the company phone directory to prop open the fire escape and so we couldn't find it."

"Oh." Jaebum says, because that seems as if something that the Hong Kong office would do.

"How are... how are things going there? Junho filled me in."

"I'm sorry." Jaebum says, quiet and acutely aware of everyone in the cubicles around him. "I didn't know I'd have to do this."

"I didn't know that Junho would steal you from me before I could get you to sign a contract." Nichkhun says with a laugh. "Shit."

"It's a mess here." Jaebum says. "I don't know what's going to happen."

"Nobody does. Not here at least." Nichkhun says with a heavy exhale. "I think we might be in the fucking hole here."

Jaebum doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't disagree.

"I... I don't think I'll be back working in Hong Kong." He says.

"I figured." Nichkhun replies wryly. "But if... if you're ever in town for fun, you should call me and we can go for a drink."

He gives Jaebum a phone number. Jaebum doesn't write it down.

\--

He misses Jackson. If only Jackson were here, things would be bearable enough. If only Jackson were here Jaebum would have the strength to go to work and face the mess he's had a hand in making. If only Jackson were here to make Jaebum believe that he'll be alright.

If only Jackson were here, Jaebum repeats to himself, like a mantra.

He repeats it to himself when he's forced into one emergency meeting after another. He repeats it to himself when the department on the floor under theirs at another company all get fired.

\--

He misses Hong Kong too — the city had managed to worm its way under his skin.

Seoul has always been his home, but he finds himself feeling lost among the city. It's familiar. It's familiar in every way. He has memories in his apartment, on the streets. But even if the city is the same, Jaebum isn't. He misses the heat. He misses the sea. He misses the curious mix of old and new.

\--

He jerks off every morning in the shower, remembering his sex with Jackson. Jaebum longs for Jackson's touch, for his embrace. For his mouth. For anything.

He cums into the running water and thinks maybe he should cry in the shower instead.

\--

He makes it two weeks before Jinyoung finally corners him. He's in his apartment, having a drink, and staring at the ceiling -- the same thing he's been doing every day for the last fourteen agonizing days.

There's a pounding on the door. Jaebum ignores it. He knows who it is.

Except Jinyoung doesn't go away. And Jaebum's head is starting to hurt.

"What?" He asks flatly when he opens the door.

"Let's go somewhere." Jinyoung says.

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm busy." Jinyoung visibly eyes him up and down.

"Right. Busy."

"I mean it."

"Okay. Doing what?"

"Important things." Jaebum answers.

"What's wrong with you?" Jinyoung asks softly. "You're a mess."

"I'm fine." Jaebum says.

"You're not fine. What happened to you over there?"

"Nothing!" Jaebum insists.

"It doesn't look like nothing, hyung. Look at you. You're drinking in your pajamas at two in the afternoon on a Saturday." Jaebum doesn't even bother to respond. "Get a hold of yourself."

Jaebum pulls his shoulders up, feeling defiant suddenly.

"There's nothing wrong. What the fuck do you know?" He asks bitterly. Jinyoung eyes him curiously.

"I guess nothing." Jinyoung says. "But Yugyeom, Bam, and I are going for karaoke next Friday. You should be there." It sounds like a threat.

\--

Jaebum scans the newspaper every day for any mention of Jackson or Jackson's company. The Wang family isn't nearly as big of a deal in Korea.

He doesn't hear anything, which he takes to be a good thing, because that means that his company hasn't gone under. He contemplates getting a subscription to the South China Morning Post. He doesn't.

He doesn't even have Jackson's phone number -- it's sitting on a sticky note on his phone on his desk in Hong Kong. Jaebum feels so incredibly stupid to realize that.

\--

Sometimes he lets himself think about what would happen if he didn't go to work. If he just gave up on everything. He imagines himself living on an island in the middle of the ocean, with no cloudy days. He imagines the white sand, and the palm trees swaying above him in the breeze. Just the sun, and the waves, and him and Jackson.

But that isn't real. The world is fucking falling apart around him.

\--

Jaebum doesn't want to go to karaoke. He doesn't want to do anything that requires him pretending to be happy. At work it's easy because the KOSPI is such a fucking mess that everyone is miserable. But his friends are a different story.

He drags himself to their usual karaoke bar, to their usual room, and Jinyoung, Yugyeom, and Bambam laughing along to an American rock song.

Yugyeom slings an arm over Jaebum's shoulder, and Jinyoung pushes a beer into Jaebum's hand.

He sits through four songs before he sets his glass down on the table, and leaves the karaoke room. Jinyoung follows him.

"Where are you going?" Jinyoung asks. Inside the room he can hear Bambam and Yugyeom wailing to an H.O.T. song. Jaebum has never felt a greater disconnect in his life.

"I can't do this." He says. "I'm going home."

"Why not?" Jinyoung demands.

"I'm just not in the mood."

"Oh come on Jaebum! You're so torn up about a stupid girl you left behind!" Jinyoung yells. "Get yourself together." Something inside Jaebum snaps.

"It's a man. I'm dating a man." Jaebum corrects, voice growing louder. "I'm in love with a man. And it's not stupid. It's serious."

"Huh?" Jinyoung asks, face twisting in confusion.

"I'm in love with a man." Jinyoung visibly recoils at this. The door to the room opposite theirs opens, and a hostess stumbles out with a drunk man hanging off her shoulder. The thumping bass spills into the hallway.

"So you're gay?" Jinyoung asks harshly, and Jaebum feels like he's been slapped. The hostess turns to look at them for a moment. Jaebum shuts his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath.

"I guess. If that's what you want to call it."

"Oh." Jinyoung says. "That's why you didn't tell me." Jaebum nods. "I... where did this come from?" Jinyoung asks.

"I don't know." Jaebum says heavily. "Where did you liking girls come from?"

"You always used to date girls." Jinyoung deflects. Jaebum tenses.

"And now I'm dating a man."

"But... why?"

"I can't explain it." Jaebum replies.

"You're not making any sense. This isn't you." Jinyoung says, brow furrowed.

"I'm leaving now." Jaebum says. "Go back to Yugyeom and Bambam. They'll certainly be more fun. They can talk about fucking girls if that's what you want."

"Hyung!" Jinyoung says, a bit louder. "I just-"

"Be quiet Jinyoung. I don't want to hear it." Jaebum interrupts, and leaves before he can hear anything else Jinyoung says, heart pounding. He's seething. He's seething -- more emotion than he's felt in weeks.

That isn't how he'd thought that conversation with Jinyoung would go. He'd thought that Jinyoung would be supportive. Understanding. Jinyoung is his best friend.

Jaebum hails the first cab he finds and goes home.

Korea feels so much more infinitely lonely than it did before.

\--

Work drags on. The news coming out of Malaysia and Indonesia aren't good. The Chinese are shutting down as many connections to the outside flows of money as they can, Jaebum hears. Hong Kong is falling apart from what he can tell. He doesn't know how Thailand can recover.

Jaebum doesn't know how he can recover.

—

A month somehow turns into two. Jaebum avoids his parents. He avoids Jinyoung. He avoids Yugyeom, and Bambam, and Youngjae.

He avoids looking at himself in the mirror. He has bags under his eyes all the time, and a growing wrinkle in his forehead.

\--

Then his apartment phone rings one day.

"Hello?" He says in Korean. He didn't even check to see the number.

"Jaebum?" Jackson says tentatively, and Jaebum feels himself crumble inside. He manages to sit down on the ground, just to try and steady himself.

"Yeah. Yeah. It's me." Jaebum chokes out. "What-"

"I just. I needed to hear your voice. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Jackson says, sounding far franker than Jaebum has ever heard him. Jaebum fiddles with the phone cord. He wishes Jackson were there.

"You aren't." Jaebum replies quickly. "And even if you were, it wouldn't matter. I always have time for you."

"Yeah but you're..." Jackson tapers off. The unsaid "not here" hangs somewhere over the ocean. Jaebum sucks in a breath.

"I know." He says. "I know."

"What... what's going on over there? This mess isn't affecting our stocks terribly because there are always things to be shipped, but it seems to be affecting just about everything else."

"It's bad here." Jaebum admits. "It's really fucking bad."

"Jaebum-"

"I just. I need to at least get this figured out." Jaebum says. "I don't know what to do."

"I don't know what to do either." Jackson says. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." Jaebum whispers. Jackson sniffles on the other line, and Jaebum swears that his heart cracks a little bit.

"I love you. This doesn't change that." He says.

"I know." Jackson says. "I love you too."

"So you're not giving up on us?" Jaebum asks.

"I need to go." Jackson says. "I'll..." He hangs up without finishing his sentence, and Jaebum feels himself weaken. The phone falls from his hand onto the floor.

He wonders how he can possibly feel worse after speaking to Jackson. But he can.

\--

He goes over to his parents' house the next evening for dinner.

"Jaebum. You've been so busy! You look a mess!" His mother exclaims when he shows up. He'd been placating them with phone calls, and they'd been following the news so his avoidance was understandable.

"Sorry." He says, and he finds that he only half means it.

\--

"I need to tell you something." He says once they've started eating dinner.

"Of course." His mother replies with a warm smile. His father seems a little tenser.

"I'm... I'm seeing someone. You know that. He's great."

"He?" His father asks. "Not she?" Jaebum nods, despite every part of his brain screaming at him not to. "Hmm."

"Jaebum." His mother says. "Is this a phase?"

"No." He says. "It isn't."

"But... what?" His mother asks. "Don't you want children?"

"I don't know." Jaebum replies. He dares to look at his father, who looks like he's been slapped.

"I don't know what to say." His mother says, blinking back tears. "I just... you worked so hard to be so successful and now you're gay?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asks. His father still hasn't said anything else.

"What happens if people know?"

"Why would they know?" Jaebum asks, taking a large bite of rice.

"Things get around!" His mother exclaims. "You... you can't tell anyone."

"Is this why you've been avoiding us?" His father asks coldly. "Because you're a homosexual?" Jaebum takes another bite of dinner.

"No." Jaebum says. "But now I know to."

\--

Jaebum shows up outside Jinyoung's apartment without really meaning to. He doesn't know where else to go. He hasn't told anyone but Jinyoung that he's gay. He's still mad, but he knows that Jinyoung probably wouldn't kick him out. Probably.

Dinner had been a silent affair. His parents kept shooting concerned looks at each other and didn't speak to him.

He knocks on the door to Jinyoung's apartment, and Jinyoung yells that he's coming, before violently opening the door.

"Hyung?" Jinyoung asks, blinking at him in confusion. "Come in."

Jaebum doesn't mean to cry as soon as he walks in the door. But he ends up doing exactly that anyways.

Jinyoung makes him a cup of tea, and Jaebum recalls when Jackson did the same thing, and he just cries harder.

He hasn't cried up to this point, he realizes, which might explain the flood of tears that won't stop coming out of his eyes.

He cries until he swears that his eyes are swollen and his face is puffy. He's almost shaking with sobs.

Jinyoung is sitting beside him, watching curiously. He must be confused, Jaebum thinks. He's never cried in front of Jinyoung before.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jinyoung asks quietly once Jaebum's sobs have turned into sniffles. His abdomen hurts from crying so hard.

"I'm not really sure." Jaebum replies, miserable and hiccuping. "I have no idea."

"You're really messed up over this."

"I am." Jaebum admits. "I wish I could say that I should've never gone to Hong Kong but I can't."

"You love... him."

"Yeah. I really do." Jaebum says glumly. "I can only hope that he still loves me back."

"Are you... broken up?"

"I don't really know what we are right now." Jaebum confesses. "Some kind of limbo I suppose. We talked on the phone but..."

"Was he upset?"

"Yeah. And I wasn't any better."

Jinyoung lets out a heavy sigh and pats Jaebum's arm.

"I just... I'm sorry for how I reacted. When you told me."

"It's okay." Jaebum says. "You weren't expecting it."

"I know. But I... I've never thought of myself as a bigot. And then I went and made a fool of myself like that."

"It... hurt." Jaebum admits. If Jinyoung is going to be honest, so is he.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't doing my duty as your friend."

"You weren't."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't... That shouldn't have been my immediate response. I was an asshole."

"It's okay."

"It isn't." Jinyoung says emphatically. "I want you to be happy and that wasn't doing anything to make you happy."

"No. It wasn't." Jaebum agrees quietly. "But you responded better than my parents."

"What? What happened?"

"I just told them that I'm in love with a man and it went about as well as you'd expect."

"Shit." Jinyoung exhales. "Shit."

"I don't know what I'm going to do." Jaebum says. "My mom was... so sad? And my dad... I've never seen him look so disappointed."

"That's shitty hyung. I'm so sorry."

"It isn't your fault."

"I know." Jaebum says. "I just.. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I don't know either." Jinyoung says, and he squeezes Jaebum's arm.

\--

"Hey Jaebum-ah? Are you free for dinner tonight?" Junho asks the next morning when Jaebum runs into him in the coffee

"Yeah, yeah of course." Jaebum answers quickly, unsure why Junho is looking so nervous.

"Good. I'll come by your cube later then and we can walk over together." He replies, adding a tense smile.

"Sounds good." Jaebum says, somewhat baffled.

\--

True to his word, Junho shows up outside Jaebum's cubicle at half past five that evening. Jaebum swallows nervously, fetches his coat, and follows Junho to a fancy sushi restaurant down the street.

Junho is tense for the entire duration of the meal. Jaebum waits through the whole dinner for Junho to say something.

But he doesn't. He talks to Jaebum about the weather, about his mother's new favourite show, about the apartment he's looking at buying. Nothing about work. About the financial crisis. About the companies falling apart around them.

Junho pays for dinner, and Jaebum gets ready to leave. Junho isn't giving any indication that he's going to say anything substantial. Perhaps he truly just wanted to have dinner with Jaebum.

"Let's go for a walk. Stretch our legs." Junho says, less of a suggestion than a command. Jaebum heeds.

They walk and walk and walk in silence. Jaebum doesn't dare say anything. Not when Junho is acting so strangely.

Junho directs them into a convenience store and buys some cheap whisky and plastic cups. Jaebum is even more confused.

Then, Junho leads them to a deserted park across the street from the store, to the swingset and sits down on a swing despite his expensive suit. Jaebum tentatively sits on the swings beside him. He doesn't think he's been on a swingset in at least twenty years.

Junho opens the bottle and pours them each more than a few fingers of whiskey, handing one of the cups to Jaebum.

He immediately downs his glass, wincing as he does, and then throws his cup onto the grass.

"I haven't been on the swings in years." Junho says. "But... I suppose no place is better for this conversation than any other."

"Junho?" Jaebum asks slowly. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know how to say this." Junho answers gruffly. Jaebum's stomach immediately knows that something is wrong.

He stays silent, waiting for Junho to say what it is that he's struggling to say.

"We're going under." Junho says finally, with a bitter sounding laugh. "Fuck."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"Have you told..." Jaebum tapers off his own sentence. He isn't sure if he even wants to know if other people know. There are three hundred people that work for their company.

"Not yet." Junho says with a sigh. "The executives haven't given us the go-ahead."

"Will it be soon?"

"Within the week." Junho confirms. He starts to swing, just a little bit.

"Fuck." Jaebum exhales, and takes another swig of whiskey.

"Yeah."

"So this is it then?" Jaebum asks.

"This is it." Junho answers, nodding his head, dragging his feet on the ground to let his swing slow. "It's been a good run."

"What do we do next?" Jaebum asks, because he doesn't know what else to say. Junho barks out a laugh.

"Good fucking question." Junho says, staring up at the sky, swing still moving just a little. "I wish I knew."


	11. my autumn's done come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't bear to leave you with that cliffhanger, so I double-uploaded. Here you go. 
> 
> Chapter title from the song of the same name by Lee Hazlewood.

Jaebum receives his severance package in the mail two weeks later. The lead-up had been a slow-motion explosion. Everyone was laid off at his company. Every single person. It was a complete disaster, but in a fucked up way, Jaebum couldn't help but feel a strange sense of relief. It's as if the unknown fear he'd been feeling vanished. He knows that he won't be working for the bank anymore.

Actually, he doesn't know if he wants to work in finance. Jaebum isn't sure. Junho and Nichkhun promised to give him whatever reference he needed, and his severance package isn't insubstantial. But Jaebum is just... lost. Lost about himself. About what he wants. He'd wanted nothing more than to work up to being an investment banker. But now he isn't so sure. Not at all.

\--

Jaebum doesn't even stop to the think. The first thing he buys with his severance package is a one-way ticket to Hong Kong, leaving that evening.

His life here is adjustable. His love isn't.

He barely has any groceries in his fridge. It doesn't fucking matter anyways.

He throws a few things into a carry-on bag, and leaves for the airport.

\--

His first flight to Hong Kong had felt like an eternity. This flight feels like a mere moment before he's landing again, and racing through the airport.

\--

"Where to?" The cab driver asks. For a second, Jaebum thinks about giving him Jackson's address but he decides to play it safe.

"The Intercontinental please." He says instead.

\--

"A suite please." He says when he's checking in at the front-desk.

"Of course." The woman says, tapping away at the keyboard. "Will you be here for long?"

"I'm not sure yet." Jaebum replies.

"You're not sure?" She asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"I'll find out." He promises, adding a slick smile.

\--

He leaves his suitcase in his room, and goes back down to the lobby to find a taxi.

He could never forget Jackson's address.

On the cab ride over, Jaebum is sure that he sweats through his shirt he's so nervous.

It's been almost two months since he left. He doesn't know why he would think that anything would change. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know.

The gate password hasn't changed, but Jaebum still feels his nervousness soar as he walks up the driveway.

Jackson's car is parked outside, which means that he's probably home. It's the evening, but perhaps he should've waited. What if Jackson is out and had taken a cab? What if he's out on the yacht?

Jaebum forces himself to take a step forward. And then another.

And then he's in front of the door.

He stands there for a moment, wondering if he's made the right choice, if he misgauged something. But he reminds himself that he has to at least try, scary as it might be.

He raises a shaky hand and rings the doorbell. Jaebum waits just a beat, and the front door swings open.

On the other side, there is Jackson, smiling at him like he's been waiting this whole time for Jaebum to be there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so... We're at the end. Not to be dramatic, but this is my favourite thing I've ever written. Ever. 
> 
> I lived in Hong Kong as a child and it has left an indelible mark on me. I've always wanted to write something set there, especially around the same time. Then I wrote a paper last year on the Asian financial crisis, and I wanted to write about the people behind the crisis. So basically this fic has been brewing for a while now. 
> 
> I'm not going to lie, I feel really empty writing this chapter note, knowing that this is the end. I probably won't write any Jackbum for a while. This was like... it for me. My love. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Much love.


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